Beauty in Pain

[Mood: Dark]
[Music: Evanescence - Sweet Sacrifice]

The edge of the blade shines,
The beauty of it,
And the effects it can bring,
The pain is on the inside and it's longin to get out,
As the blade hits her pretty wrist,
She knows it will leave a scar,
And its what she's longing for,
Livin with a cut so deep,
She wants it out physically.
For it feels unbearable.

The shinnin blade in her dim room,
She doesn't deserve this,
Hopin no one else will ever feel this way,
The edge hits her lovely wrist,
Softly yet sweetly she runs it across her wrist,
Not deep enough to kill but enough to leave a life long scar,
This is what she wanted,
Something to remind her of those words,
The unbearable pain along with her painful tears is a beautiful sight,
Her misery is out on the open,
Satisfication sinks in,
She's just died on the inside.

A stained blade sits in the drawer,
It's her best fren for now,
One day she'll get over it,
But not for now,
There's just too much misery,
Too much ache and hate,
Her crimson blood hits the floor,
The bleedin and tears,
The pain of a sad,lonely gurl.

She seems perfect on the outside,
But no one knows the truth,
Her perfect clothes and shoes,
No one hears those bitter tears,
She aches for love and life,
Confined by those walls,
She longs to live,
But there seems no way out.

She screams,
Yells,
Sobs,
Bleeds,
But no one hears her.
No one cares.

The crimson stained blade
The beauty of a scar.
The story of a beautiful wound.

The Breakdown

[Mood: Emo]
[Music: Tyler Hilton - You'll Ask For Me]

Its in the breakdown,
Cryin hysterically and rambling bout the disappointments,
Integrity got in the way,
And I felt I got lost from dignity,
There are so much expection and my dreams are high,
Regret scares me,
I don't wanna look back and bury these memories,
I had hopes,
But I can't seem to be keepin up to any of those,
It seems like I've brought down my standards,
Is this what I want?
Maybe but maybe not,
Theres doubt still lingerin,
And my heart sendin me the opposite signals,
Trust,
The key to any relationship,
Built with loadz of work and can be torn down without effort,
I've always had difficulties at this part,
There are people I know I can trust without a doubt,
And then there are those you have no idea bout,
Confused on whats goin on within,
Afraid to be vunerable,
Lookin for the instints,
When it coms down to faith,
How much should be instilled in a person,
If there's seems to be too little, there seems to be a problem,
But if there's too much,
What happens durin the downfall,
The crash and burn
I see that on its way,
It's right around the corner,
Now all I have to do is to push obstacles to delay its arrival,
There's too much runnin on my mind,
I think am too young for such questions,
Maybe it's my fault after all,
I pulled this onto myself,
There is solution to all this,
I bet it's somewhere,
Now all I have to do is go look for it.

You're The Fallin Star

[Mood: In Love]
[Music: Everything - Micheal Bubble']

Am more cheery these dayz and I find wayz to entertain myself.
I'm tryin to keep myself motivated and pushin towards doin more work.

Went and watched Fantastic 4 that day.It was seriously super cool! I hav no idea whats up with all the bad review but the special effects was great and the story line was intersting. The silver surfer has this hott sexy voice n I think am crushin on him(:P)

Headed for the Edu Fair yesterday.Had a lunch date with daddy and sis.Then dad left to see some stuff and I went on a search to find him.He told me the exit but as usual my sense of direction rockz! And I went a whole round n then found the freakin exit!! His super mean...he saw me go a whole round n everything...*sheesh*...He pulled the whole " I dont know thing" and someone workin with him asked if he was attemptin to flirt with me...haha...I got introduced around and we went to look at Monash after that. This is like my dream college and I wanna go here at least for a yr or two.So maybe I'll do Life a yr or 2 n then finish off at Monash. See how it goes. Also i think am most probably stickin with computer science.It's not tht am in capable of doin math but am goin to try my level best and if it really doesnt pull through then I may consider switchin. So we walked around and he got me hersheys!!...hehe..cookies n cream..cause I've been sorta buggin him for it quite a while..then we just chilled.Met up with my dad and then we got frappucinos and headed home. Had dinner with the family tht nite in association with my grandfathers birthday and then I had my usual phone convo...

I'm tryin to be patient with the current situation.Yes am still in prison but its definately more relaxed than a few weeks back. Now all I need to do it put that dinner plan in action.Then if I have that fixed, everything else will be normal again. Now if only I knew how to bring the idea up to her....

Love is an accident waiting to happen.
Desire is a stranger you think you know.
Intimacy is a lie we tell ourselves.
Truth is a game we play to win

LoveStoned

[Mood: Cheery]
[Music: Dashboard Confessional - Stolen]

I've been doin more work than usual.

He keeps me motivated.

How?

By remindin me of the joyz thats gonna be in college.

I'm still confused on what course I should take.

Totally stressin on it..*sheesh*

Waitin for the Edu Fair to come around

Am grounded for quite a while

Rottin n fuckin bored

Am online wayy to much

He amuses me a lotz

I'm being emo to much

Can't blame me..You will be to if you were in my situition

3 hours of tuition is no joke

I find pigeons adorable

I wish I could fly away from here

Badly needin a piercing n soon

By next year around this time I would have a kick ass belly ring

I need to do more Math...And I mean really LOADZ MORE!

I wanna earn 18,000 by the time am 27

I'm gonna go have lunch nowz

~She's dancin in the sky~

Just Let Me Cry

[Mood: Deep Thought]
[Music: Evenescenes - Weight Of The World]

This situation is being really hard on me.N I feel like am just goin to depression or somethin. I'm really startin to hate each day before it even begins. I don't understand why such huge drama for small situitions. It really doesnt make sense. How long are u goin to keep me in? Forcin me to be your fren isn't the best thing, I hope you know that. You can't change who I am.I'm sorry am not what you wanted me to turn out to be.Sometimes I even wander what went wrong but I wanna live life on my terms.Learn my own lessons, pick myself up from my falls n learn to move on. I don't wanna be spoon fed on life. I'm gonna be 18 soon and am sick and tired of being treated this way. I just wanna get skool done with and continue with my plans. But being patient through all this is so hard and am draggin myself each day to make it through. I don't see the point of lookin forward for anything anymore.




Besides that am really confused bout the current situition.This is not what I planned or dreamt for myself. Everything was suppose to come naturally not through a horrible struggle. I was suppose to be the priority not the option. I was suppose to be the first and the only. The one who inspires and makes a huge impact. The gurl who shows you what love is. I just realized that am the 2nd one and its never ever suppose to be this way. The feelings and emotions are there but I can't help feelin that its sooo unfair and this is not what I saw for myself. It really does hurt but am tryin not to think about it. There's nothin much that can be done. Nothing you can do or say can change that fact. I love you very much and I can't lose you. Especially not now and this moment is where I need you more than ever. I can't talk to you bout this cause you won't understand. This is something I must deal with personally and I can only pray that this is horrible feeling will go away once n for all.

Don`t use excuses..
Don`t ask why
It`s just a breakdown.. happens all the time..
So get out of my face - don`t even try..
Youu wanna help me? ..
Just Let Me Cry

Misery's My Company

[Mood: Sad]
[Music: Good Charlotte - Misery]

There's good news and theres fucked up news.

The Good Newz: After drama n being emo for 3 dayz.My parents couldnt take it to see me utterly miserable n they were thinkin of talkin 2 him again.So we had this thing set up tht he calls on tuesday mornin before his exams n say tht he wants 2 met them after in the evenin.Then the phone rang and my parents acted like no one called..I kept askin but they acted like notta.Super fustratin n whtmore am the one who set it up!!!! They talked 2 me in the evenin n said they'll agree to us on certain conditions.He came in the evenin n talked to them.His such a darlin!! To come n approach them.We got interrigated n shit.But they asked if we were both serious.We were yeah n we want this.We're not allowed to go out but his allowed to come over anytime! So thts great. But he had to open his mouth n add fire to flame bout my gf!!! I was soo tempted to get the freakin knife from the kitchen.He came with a fren n they had dinner n hanged till bout midnight.It was good.I guess thts one thing settled.

The Fucked Up News: T Ben came on thursday n my mum poured her heart out on how rebellious n uncontrollable n stubborn I am.hahahaha.Riteeee.Okies maybe thts partially true(:P) So am gonna be tutored n wont be goin back to skool till bout next year.N I'll only come for test n spanish.FUCK!!!!!!! Also am not allowed anywhere near my gf.As though thts ever gonna happen! Whtever.But am really gonna miss them soo much.N I really dread seein my mum for the whole damn day.It gets annoyin after a while speacially her naggin.So am gonna be totally isolated n am only gonna be able to communicate with him but his gonna be busy with his own thing so yeah....

I'm pretty much alone at the end of the day.But nothing is gonna keep me away from my darlinz.They're like family to me! But this is my last year of high skool n I never thought it would end in such a fucked up note.Everything is just sooo messed up.I just feel like gettin away for a while n forget bout everythin n just live.Even its just for a day.

I need a getaway,
From all this misery,
Guess independence starts from here,
I'm just drownin n out of breathe,
Someone save me.

-Walkin down this empty roads alone-

Holdin On

[Mood: Depressed]
[Music: Nada Surf - Inside of Love]

My idea of a good two week holz is goin somewhere or just chillin at home n being dead bored or doin something enjoyable.I had no idea mine was goin to turn into a bitter nightmare in the second day.

My mum found out bout all the hanky-panky thats been goin.N as usual she totally flipped out.There was yellin n screaming for pretty much the whole day.The cause and the source of this happenin is *drum roll plez* ....MY SIS!..I was real dumb to trust her seriously n the only reason she told was cause she got fucked for skool work n to save her ass n make her story seem small she told on me.Yea I sorta do hate her now! My life is in a totally messed up stage now.My mum is in an all lecture mood n everyone else just givez me the cold stare.His been my pillar to lean onto lately n am glad tht his sooo patient with everything.Am currently phone-less n fuckin bored n emo...am not sure if am even goin back to skool n mum's meetin with teacher on thursday.

So its a living nightmare rite now but my darlinz have been steadily on my side n I love them for it! It's so hard to put up with everythin but am at no point of regret n I feel its a just a tough phase thats been thrown at me.I'm feelin so weak lately but am gonna fight to make it through.The consequences are not as bad as before but my parents have "lost trust" in me sorta thing and it's gonna take a whole lotta convincing to get back on their good side.

P.S: Am grounded for another decade I suppose

Life's soooo FUCKED UP!
For the moment...

My Song Is Love

[Mood: Painful]
[Music: ColdPlay - A Message]

I have no idea what's been goin on in my head,
Or what I've been thinking,
I just wanted to live it for the moment,
Didn't wanna think bout consequeces,
I wanted to live by the too young to care line,
But my actions seem unexplainable,
But the very intent and the very act of a lie,
I'm not where all that came from,
These are the people that make my world go round,
The ones that keep me sane and are my biggest support system,
The ones that keep on the right path all the time,
How could I have hurt them?
I've lost myself along the way lately,
Losin my principles,
Everything I've stood for,
Disappointed,
That's what that has been done,
Not only myself but the very ones I love,
Such a cold thing to do,
Thise has never been me,
I have never been known for being so cruel,so hurtful,
Knowin deep within that I will have to deal with all this alone,

Broken your trust,
That's what I've done,
Thrown away the faith you've had on me,
Puttin myself in your shoes makes me tear,
There isn't an enough of an apology for my actions,
I'll understand if you wanna stay away for a while,
But am hopin for not too long,
I know my actions were harsh n painful,
But I love you very much,
And am deeply sorry for doing so,
You're like a sister to me,
Alwayz being there and holding me when am in tears,
But lately I haven't been showin how much I care,
I feel the change,
And that its not for the good,
I will do somethin bout it,
And am gonna start with you,
Am sorry for it all,
And I truly hope you forgive me....

The Long Weekend

[Mood: Worn Out]
[Music: Breaking Benjamin - Breathe]

The preparations for sports day has been hectic.I tried to get fit in 2 months or so.I started joggin and practicin badminton every other day.I was sore a whole lot but am not sure why but I really wanted to do this.Never been a sporty person n all tht but I decided to give it a go.

I was super nervous the day before n I just knew I was gonna lose.But I was super scared tht everyone would laugh at me or somethin.Couldnt really sleep n I woke up 4:45 that mornin.Got ready,had breakfast and headed to sonya's around 6.We chilled till around 7 somethin n then left to the stadium.Every other skool had their own tshirts and ours was the only tht had diff shades of purple.And we were the most uncordinated one!! Whatmore was that we were the host of the event.*sheesh* Had the march past thing and we were totally fooling around the whole time.Hilarious! There was a few openin dances but the other skools n then we had netball n football.We got to the finals for both but didn't win...we got to the penalty shoot out for football!...I was panickin for the whole day...totally freaked out bout the badminton...chilled till bout 3 n then the game started around 3 somethin.The usual gang were there cheerin n I felt better with all of them there...hehe...n suprisingly I won the first round!!..*beams with joy*...but lost the 2nd cause the constent from the other skool's dad was there...he was totally buddin but whtever! The doublez was intersting.The gf and I bet the first team easily.We were like "wht the hell happened?"..we didnt even practice..haha...n in the 2nd round we were up againsnt....*suspense*...The Racheyz!!...haha...I know!...on skool!...lolz...they bet us n we didn't really care cause anywayz our skool wins...N they did practice more than us..
After that I chilled at Sonya's place..she was sweet enough to let me sleep...was soo wiped out.I slept for an hour n then watched her bro n his fren play Resident Evil 2.I had no P.S 2 could be soo intersting.Reached home around 8 somethin n then chilled with the family.Mum was proud cause I actually achieved somethin in sports for once..she even massaged my damaged ankle!!...Love her loadz!!

Church was the usual.Oh there's this new guy whos started to attend n his sorta cute actually(:P) His 20 somethin but totally doesnt look like it n doesnt really hang around his age group.His super shy n everythin n I havent picked up the courage to speak to him yetz.Workin on tht..hehe...had lunch at an Indian restaurant...went shoppin n got this super cute pants!!! But got into an argument with mummy over a skirt.It was extrmely cute but she made a fuss that is was too short.BLEH.Came home n slept n lazed around for the whole day.

Monday came n I was out for the whole day.Was at Pyramid n all that.It gets sorta complicated here so I'm not gonna go in too much detail.I had dinner with rachey,vitz,kc,eddy,james n nicholas at tht chicken place.Actually kc n I ate at mcdz.Then I hanged with Rachey n Vitz till bout 8.They tried to educate me on Anime but I was just interested in the gay stuff(:P) Then they went cd shoppin.Got home n slept super early.

Was totally lazy ass that mornin n decided to skip skool.I chilled for the rest of the day n did absolutely notta productive.I really hav 2 start gettin back on study mode!

"You're a messed up chick!"
-Vitz-

Tagged!

[Mood: Reminiscing]
[Music: Avril Lavigne - I Will Be]

5 THINGS FOUND IN YOUR BAG.....
~~Wallet - Never leave home without money
~~Lip Gloss - A must must!
~~Hp-Communication purposes
~~Compact Powder-Comes with a mirror:P
~~Comb-Very handy!

5 THINGS FOUND INSIDE UR PURSE/WALLET....
~~Identity Card - a must...must
~~Cash - Like dUh
~~Calender - For plannings
~~Pics - Looks cute
~~Coins

5 FAVOURITE THINGS IN MY ROOM....
~~My Lappie - My LIFE!
~~My radio - Runs 22 hrs a day
~~My stuff tiger - His very treasured..hehe
~~My wardrobe - Love my clothes!
~~My Cd collection

5 THINGS YOU'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO...
~ GO TO PARIS
~~ Go to Rome - Beautiful history there!
~~ A total beach vaca - I < 3 the beach
~~ Get a tougue ring - Sooooo HOTT
~~ Write a book - Will be intersting

5 THINGS UR CURRENTLY INTO...
~~ Bloggin
~~Music
~~ Grey's Anatomy
~~ One Tree Hill
~~ The person am on the phone with soo much..hehe..

~5 PEOPLE YOU WILL TAG....
~~Sharu - I know you did it...hehe
~~Zim - since ur bored so much:P
~~Rachey
~~Ariel
~~Rita

Scientific dayz

[Mood: Sick]
[Music: Evan Olsan - Not What I Wanted]

It's been quite a while but I've been sorta lazy to update.Notta much as been happenin lately.Sports day practices...studyin and being bored.Yeah definatley the usual.I don't remember much of last week.But it was pretty casual actually.

Well we had a science camp sorta thing a week back.Tht was pretty fun.Not overly educationcal but we were sick talkin n camwhorin mostly so here are some pics:

Some baking soda yeast thing

We improvised the cover with the dropper:p

Looked hott

The Happy Patato(this was what we discentted!)

Totally Grey's Anatomy

Boredom: Bryan's New Manicure

Rachey and Silas doodlings

The protected water sprayer...*I know looks peverted*..haha

Kc and Me....the camera had to end up on us..<3

The River Keeps Flowin

[Mood: Tired]
[Music: Avril Lavigne - I can do better]

So my week has started in a totally fucked up note. The same usual thing.Yea...its like a never ending circle....*sheesh*..I have no idea what I would do with my best frenz. Vitz called me at 3 in the mornin cause I needed someone to talk to and was a totally darlin cause he chatted for an hour even thought he was tired and the gf got my sms and called me the first thing in the mornin. She called throughout the day to make sure I was ok. Love you guyz!>3

And therefore I baked after a longtime.My family have no idea about my "baking only in a bad mood" thing.I do bake when am happy but mostly when am upset. They just enjoyed the fudge. That was fun and I felt happy. Bakin alwayz makes me feel good.That nite I was on the phone till bout 4 something in the mornin.

My current tv show obssession: Grey's Anatomy!!
I'm soooo hooked on it.The actors are cool,the story line intersting and has the fair share of drama,and I absolutely adore the intros.I use to collect them before I even started watchin the series.I'm just done with season 1.Season 2 on the way....

At the end of the day faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. Its like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And its not so important happy ever after, just that its happy right now. See once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you , and once in a while people may even take your breath away.
-- "Greys Anatomy

Wanting To Bleed Away

[Mood: Depressed]

[Music: Linkin Park -Numb]

I'm just another one of thoes girls who laughs during phone calls

Forces herself to fake a smile everyday

And then collapse on her bed

And cries herself to sleep

With mascara running down her face;she is such a beautiful disgrace.

With the tears falling faster;she is such a beautiful disaster.

She loved you with all she could.

She made you her life.

She gave you her heart.

Only to have it all hoved back in her face.

Tonight my headphones
Will bring these songs of sorrow.

My sweet therapy.

You told me you loved me.
More than anything.
You said you would never hurt me.
You would never leave me.
Well
You know what dear?
All your promises turned out to be lies.

Just what we all need
More lies about a world that
Never was and never will be
You don't know how you've decieved me
(Evanescence.)

As my eyes open from their state of sleep,
I feel my blood turn into a frozen river.
Nightmares told me
Death was in the air.
A piece of me is gone forever.
Clutching memories held so close.
Repeating words of love spoken too late.

Lookin At The Sky

[Mood: Bored]
[Music: Good Charlotte - Misery]

I took this quizy.Seemed pretty intersting.Some of it is true>> Quiz Linkie{http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx}>>

Your view on yourself: You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for: You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship: You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love: You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education: Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you: You have many goals and want to achieve as much as you can. The jobs you enjoy are those that let you burn off your considerable excess energy.

How do you view success: You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of: You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self: You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

The Question

[Mood: Lame]
[Music: Hilary Duff - Happy]

Just when I thought we have reached a higher level,
You made a promise,
I was moved to tears by your words,
But I guess to easily yet again,
Vunerable,
Yea that's me right now,
I believed whole heartedly,
I don't get these phase,
Afraid to put my heart on the line again,
Can't bear to get hurt all over again,
I'm startin to question a lot lately,
The pain lingers,
But the tears don't seem to be on the outside,
So much has been said and done,
Yet its so easy for you to throw it all away,
These dayz I've been fighting so hard to keep you with me,
But am gettin drained,
You said you loved me,
The next second you just want me out of your life,
I don't wanna tie you down to me,
It's very unfair of me to do that,
Not wanting to be selfish,
But so afraid to get heartbroken,
Sittin by my favourite corner,
With my music and tears,
You tell me to trust you with my heart,
And am tryin,
But its so hard when I have no idea what you will do or say the very next moment,
I feel like running away,
Leavin all this behind,
But I know memories will never leave my soul,
I remember every detail of the times I've spent with you,
The way I looked at you,
The way you held me,
Everything means so much to me,
Is it the same for you?

What lies behind us & what lies before us
Are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.

Let The Record Play

[Mood: Lazy]
[Music: Good Charlotte - Broken Hearts Parade]

Am effin sore...Sports has never done me good my either life n I have no idea why I keep tryin..*sheesh*...my week has been long n I've been sorta slackin on skool work a lil.Can't help it if I fuckin hate math.N I have to do it up to grade 12....*BAH*...teacher asked that day if I really wanted 2 do computer science...n I was like I don't know...so he suggested an apptitude test...*sheesh*...all this career thing is soo effin complicated...

So I've been cravin for those Good Charlotte tickets, yet this turned out to be like the "Simple plan case".Seriously it turned out fuckin complicated n I just was sooo upset for the whole freakin weekend cause of it.I know you might be thinkin why am makin such a huge fuss over this but seriously when I started listenin 2 punk rock.I started out with GC n their lyrics really says a lot and what goes on around us.It just really deep stuff n music makes me world go round n shit..I just really wanted 2 go...fuck....I'll stop rabblin here....So Sunday came n it was very usual.I got my badminton racket..*beams with joy*...haha..came home super worn out.Pretty much chilled for the rest of the day.

Monday was tirin cause I slept at 5 the nite before...which is techinally mornin...but whatever.The first question I got tht mornin was "u went for Good Charlotte ar?" and I was like"*cursin under my breathe*...No!*.When I reached for assembly...a bunch of others came up to me with the same freakin question.Seriously by break I was tellin Vitz that if one more person came up 2 me with tht question,I would seriously SLIT THEIR THROAT!! Then he just had to ask...He came up 2 me the whole day greetin me with this "Hey my fren who didn't get to see GC" Thank God for my high patience level...haha...U know I love ya 2 much 2 slit ur throat darlin!!!....~XoXo

I woke up effin late this mornin n didnt go to skool.I slept for pretty much the whole day n just woke up.I'm blamin all the exercise! I have badminton 2 moro...*snifflez*...n am gonna go start joggin 2day! Wish me luck..I'm gonna need it! And no I didn't collapse durin my jog this mornin vitz!

This is for the girls who never won,who stay up all night listening to music that inspires them to do things next to impossible,
The girls that laugh, smile, cry, and think all on a daily basis,
The girls who like, learn, and regret;
The girls who may never have it easy.
The girls who learn the hard way,and live to tell about it.
The real girls.

Livin It Up Honey

And so it was Christine's farewell dinner/outing thing last friday.I mean I had one for her at my place on Wednesday.That was effin fun.Talked bout college,boyz,and gossiped like crazy..haha.I'm really gonna miss ya dearest!! We had a dinner for her at this buffet place in pyramid and gettin there after skool was an adventure on its own.Thank God shauny was drivin that day.So Shauny went to get Kc n while we waited for everyone,durin tht time Kc got my phone locked by tryin 2 set up the SIM password.So Shauny was a total sweetheart n dropped us at the DiGi center n went to leave Daniel at his place so he could change.While waiting we got Vitz to change his plan so we could get GC tickets but it seems you have to go to Times Square n shit...so he was like no wayz...hehe....we finally got the code n all...hanged at the TM Net center and camwhored..

Shauny picked us after tht,happy 2 have hanged in Daniel's room(inside gay joke)...headed to Pyramid and the gf and I were totally bimbo's in the car.Camwhorin even more and laughing our heads off...headed to the restaurant and met up with Esther...poor gurlie she was rottin there for hours...we had dinner but then Kc had to leave early..Christine arrived n we took a group piccy...I hanged for a while n he decided to pay me a suprise visit...Rachey arrived soon n I met up with her...I chilled with them a while but thingz started to get tensed at the table n also I needed transport to go home and Shauny's car was full so I followed him.

We were walked 2 Sunway college n it started raining.So we took a cab there n he sorta dragged me to some ACCA social event.Seriesly I've never felt so out of place before.Like am not even in freakin college yetz! So i sat there pretty much sulking n he got the idea.haha...Thank God his smart:p...so we hanged out at the foyer n he checked out my skool work...u know I think all this while his being thinkin when I say I'v got loadz to study that am sayin it 2 do somethin else.....*sheesh*....his reaction was ever so hilarious...he went "wow ur seriesly smart la" n all tht...yeah babe did u just realize tht!!..lolz...he left me back by taxi...real sweet of him...I reached home at bout 9 somethin n chilled on the phone till bout 1...

It waz definately a fun day n a total adventure.Shall post piccys.We totally camwhored!

Best FRIENDS:
know that you're slow,stupid, && mess around yet,
they still don't care about beeing [s e e n]with you in (p u b l i c)
Because they know they're idiots too<3

We Are Just Shadows

[Mood: Emo]
[Music: Anastasia ft. Ben Moody - Everything Burns]

Really everything around me seems so fuckin messed up rite now.

I think am slowly learning to rely on just me.

I'm afraid to trust or open up.

Think am gonna stick to being that way for a while.

So sick of crying and I think now I seem to cry out of confusion.

Tired of being let down and everything seem to be a freakin routine.

Feelin locked up and fighting so hard to find freedom,

Nothing seems right anymore,

When I think that am finally happy,

Its like I triger off some sorta force,

It shows that am wrong,

Yeah I feel like screamning,

Don't you know that this misery loves me?

Finding that out this tonite,

I hate this voice that keeps ringing in my head,

I wish it would just stop sometimes,

Wanting to hold your hand and to smile,

To know that I'll be alrite,

I want that secruity,

But I can't seem to find that,

I count the dayz,

Its alwayz precisely a week,

Been waiting for it to stop,

Doesn't seem to be happening anytime soon,

Yes I'm bleeding,

Sometimes it seems healed,

But soon enough it starts all over again and I can't seem to make it stop,

I really want it to stop,

Please make it stop

& it makes everything somuch harder, you know? It makes things harder

when you hold everything in.It's almost like I can't even

breathe without feeling like I shouldn't be.

To Inspire And Be Inspired

[Mood: Tired]
[Music: Dj Sammy - Heaven(remix)]

Lately I was told that I should stop being cold and actually show emotion.Stop livin in my own lil world and actually go through the time given at hand.I know.I've alwayz had a problem with that. Even when am so hurt by what was said, I just stand there with a meak smile and then much later I'll sit and ponder on why those words were said.I've alwayz been afraid to show emotion and I have no idea why. I'm guess am afraid to triger the wrong reaction or somethin. I alwayz seem to bottle up all my feelings and store them in a cupboard.React much later when am alone or somethin.But I know I have to stop doin that. Sometimes when I care so much, I may seem cold but I really don't mean to. It's my way of protecting myself you could say. Am sorry if I've been runnin away or avoiding you lately. You mean so much to me and have been my pillar of hope.Lettin me that I'm gonna be alrite when am afraid that I was gonna fall and disappoint. You've always let me know that being me is all that its gonna take to make it..nothing more and nothing less.Whenever I felt like I've falled short, you remind me of my roots and who am I deep inside.I love you. I hope you know that. My biggest inspiration you are. Smiling through it all everyday.My rolemodel.There are no words to describe how much you mean to me.I will make you proud.I really will.For I can never bear to disappoint you.Really can't...I care so much about you.You mean the world to me.And I hope you know that.For I'm gonna try to show you that everyday for now onwards.

I want power in my words,
I want passion in my eyes.
And when I wake up,
I want life to be a surprise

Hotter 17

[Mood: Happy]
[Music: Kelis - Milkshake]

So my 17th birthday has come and gone.It was a pretty casual one this yr and I spent it with my family and another celebration with him.I had dinner with the family the usual trado stuff.He decided to take me down to Sepang, n we ended up watchin F1 cars and eatin hershey.More like I ate the hershey. We chilled outz for pretty much the rest of the day.Oh and did I mention he allowed me drive again.He must really trust me with his life oh somethin cause I was spendin down the highway at 140mph.Definately fuckin thrillin! I had a great time and he got me the cutest stuffed tiger ever.I totally love it! His name is fluffy btw:P The orginal plan that day was to go to KLIA and watch planes but then we got diverted. I've alwayz wanted to check out the circuit anywayz so yeah it was cool.Thankz darlin! Muakz!

So Hotter 17.Slightly EmaL...I know but Yes I do feel older and I'm really gonna miss being sweet 16. It's alwayz been cool to say "yeah am sweet 16."Now its sorta like yeah yeah "Am Hotter 17"N then I get these odd stares..haha...So I think I've really learned in the last couple of yrs.I've had my fair share of fun,adventure,crazyness,wild dayz and drama.And this year seems to be leadin to a whole lot more of it.I'm excited for it all.I'm gonna embrace it n learn to get the best from it.Lately I've really been livin by this philosophy that "Everything happens for a reason" thing.It has been doin me good.

Kc and I were havin one of those "serious" convos that day.We realized that we've sorta passed through that "mid-teen" phase and thingz that seem oh so important then,didn't seem to big now.We realized that we've startin to grown up and responsibilities are kickin in. So many important decisions are yet to made.And these are not the minor ones,but decisions that could effect your entire life.College,courses to persue,principles,priorities and much more.I'm definately feelin the preassure.But I'm glad I have a great support system by my side.They really keep me goin.

Goin back to skool has been crazy and tirin.But I've offically quit procrastinating.*Extremely proud*

I'm gonna go wait for my phone to ring..

Loadz of Love

Here's To Broken Hearted

[Mood: Hurt]
[Music: The Funeral - Band of Horses]

Here's to all the girls who used to be his number one. The ones who waited all night for him to call, only to check the caller ID the next morning & be disappointed. The ones who made it through that bitter break up, dried your own tears, & moved on with your life, only to have him walk back in it months later like nothing ever happened. Those of you who cried on the first day you talked again because you knew exactly where this phone call was going. The ones who listened to him say, "I only want to be your friend", one day, and the next, listened to him say how much he loves & misses you. We deserve something, and this is our tribute. Here's to the ones that took him back, hoping that maybe this time, he was different, hoping that maybe people really do change. We listened to our friends tell us that we were stupid for even thinking about giving him another chance, caught crap from our parents, & even snuck around to see him for while. We went through the great stage with no fights all over again. We started this out thinking it would be just friends, & ended up falling in love with him again. We wanted nothing more in the world than to hear him tell us he loved us too, that even though things were bad in the past, they would be different this time. And when we finally heard it, it was like we were dreaming. This is for us. Here's to the ones who believed what he said, sat around all over again waiting for a phone call that might come in a few hours, or a few days. Here's for the tears cried and dried all over again. We wanted so desperately to believe that he was really busy, he couldn't possibly call us at that moment, or even that he fell asleep early. We trained ourselves to believe the lies because we wanted to believe we had found the one for us. We learned to settle for someone who didn't treat us the way we should be treated. Here's for the ones who did their hair and make up & put on their prettiest earrings, only to hear him say that he couldn't see us today. The ones who never believed it when people told us there might be someone else. We just couldn't believe that he could do this to us again. This is for those great girls who loved him more than words can say, & took him back no matter what happened last time because they couldn't bear to look back on their lives one day & wonder "what if". This is for the girls that stayed up all night long listening to him whine about an ex girlfriend who cheated on him, & cried during the entire conversation. The ones who hoped he would realize that he deserved better, that he deserved us. When he said that he loved you, but he was in love with her, he didn't mean it. This is for the ones that held on to something that was never there to begin with. This is for us girls, who somehow managed to get him to forget about her, & get him to tell us that he was in love with us again, only to have him tell us three weeks later that "things were going too fast, he needs time." Here's to the girls who couldn't cry to their friends because of how stupid they felt. The ones who held it all in when things came crumbling to pieces again. This is for the ones who couldn't bear to even tell their mom what was going on, for fear of an "I told you so." The ones that could just tell that they had made a mistake ever allowing him into their hearts & their dreams again. We knew that we deserved better the entire time, that we deserved a guy who would call when he said he was going to, one that would come see us whenever he got the chance, one that would really care about us. We just wanted the one that we loved like that. Here's for the ones that finally realized that he never gave a crap about them. Here's for the time that he broke your heart again. This is for those days spent trying to hold back the tears, & the tears that turned into anger, then disappointment. Here's for us girls who finally realized that we deserve better. This is for those confusing days, when you miss him & want nothing more than to hear his voice, or feel his arms around your waist. Stay strong and remember that relationships are like broken glass; sometimes it's better to leave it alone rather than try to put the pieces back together & get hurt. Remember the times you cried & how long it took you to even be able to look at another guy like that. When 'your song' comes on the radio, turn the station. When the day comes that he realizes what a mistake he made & tries calling, turn your phone off. When he tries coming to your house, don't answer the door. Think of the broken promises, and the lies, the manipulation & the tears, the wasted moments and staying up all night wondering where the crap he was. Think of how your heart used to jump when your phone would vibrate in the middle of the night & how it fell to your stomach when you saw it wasn't him, and realized that once again, he hadn't called when he said he was going to. One day you'll find a guy who's worth all the tears, but he won't make you cry. You may think that you'll never care about someone like you did that guy that you always ran back to, but you will. It's going to hurt like crap, & it's going to need time to heal, but the point is, it will heal. This is for those girls who fell back in love with their ex, only to get hurt all over again.

Livin A Day At A Time

[Mood: Worn Outz]
[Music: Bowling For Soup - When We Die]

So I've started skool and gettin back to the discipline is fuckin diffult.I've been sleepin a lot in class lately but teacher said he'd rather have us sleep then yack.Been crashin at 4 for the whole effin week and yes its the usual stuff.THE DRAMA!It's been goin on for the whole darn week but its sorta settled nowz or at least I hope it is.

Went out on Fri with Rachey and Vitz.Had a really good time with them.We had wafflez,looked for a birthday gift for bloop bloop and me.Yeah she wanted 2 get my hot underwear..hehe..and then we played pool and laughed a whole lot.Later Rachey's dad dropped us at the park .We had ice-cream and a serious heart to heart convo.It was cool.The event was fun.The bandz rocked and that hottie was there.OMG! Am so crushin on him.His really effin cute.I have a HUGE weakness for boyz tht write their own songs and play the guiter. The am-tryin-to-make-a-diff-in-the-world-guy.So hotttt.Headed to Asiacafe and had supper there.Chilled till bout 12:30 and then reahed home at 1.Relaxed with music and then the phone convo waz till bout 4.

Headed to my grandparents place in the mornin and it was the usual.Did a bit of shoppin at the mall and got super cute earings and a top.It was pretty much Retail therapy shoppin and I ate way too much as usual...Came home and was on the phone till bout 6 in the mornin.Yes it was record.A 5 hr phone convo!! Was dead that mornin and was super late.Came home slept,had lunch,was bout to sleep but he called and didnt wanna let me sleep but then I was sleepin on the phone and he had to go.So been pretty much chillin till now.

Skool's tomorrow.I better get some sleep!! Yes am still sleepy.*BAH*

"How did you get here?"
"We rode dolphins!"
-Friday'z Randomness-

Don't Wanna Trust

[Mood: Emo]
[Music: The Constantines - Soon Enough]

I'm slowly learning to be a dependant,
Cause deep within I know at the end of the day,
You're gonna be alone.
I'm still havin problems trusting,
Are those words true?
Or is it another phase your goin through?
I still have doubt,
A replacement of somethin you can't have.
Yeah those words still ring in my head,
It was really awkard that day,
I had so many other thoughts in my head,
But all of a sudden all this came back.
And I was chokin my tears,
I couldn't cry in public,
So I tried my best to push those thoughts away,
But it didn't really work,
Was it my intuition goin off the hook,
My heart tryin to send a message through,
I really don't want another heart break,
But I know what must be done,
Too much has been said and done,
The future seems bright,
But tryin to fit all this in doesn't seem to work,
I'm tired of being put down,
And gettin told that nothing I do is ever good enough,
Save me from this misery,
I'm tryin my best to be happy through it all,
But instead of makin me feel better,
You deprive me even more,
So much for wanting to see me smile,
You make me happy,
A repeated line,
From the heart,
But am not sure if its the same likewise,
Cause somehow am refusin to believe,
And I don't know why,
Maybe because am tired of being naive,
Maybe for once I wanna go with my intuition and
Not fall on my face,
Please,
NOT AGAIN.

As The World Spins Madly On

[Mood: Tired]
[Music: The Weepies - World Spins Madly On]

My week has been the very usual kind with my spirit of hardworking-ness at its peak.I managed to finish a history book in a day and my parents were impressed.They went " Look if she wants to do it she can" sorta thing.Yea I sorta know that but I tend to be lazy to much. *BaH* Then there was the usual effin drama.The usual fight and make-up.Yeah I think am gettin use to this weekly thing darlinz.

At the end of the week we went on a class field-trip to the Curve.Had breakfast at Lotus and then we had a mall hunt there.That was pretty fun and now I know the whole layout of the curve.I got teamned up with Abel and I was surprised tht he was pretty smart(:P) We came out third I think.Had lunch at Secret Recipe...that was real good...I <3>
Had a really good time that day! The rest of the week was a bore.Will be startin skool soon.Excited bout that and dreading the work load at the same time.Will upload field trip pics soon!

She laid her heart and soul right in your hands,
And you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans,
She never even knew she had a choice,
And that’s what happens when the only voice,
She hears is telling her she can’t.
-Keith Urban's Stupid Boy-

Out Goes Procrastinating!

[Mood: Excited]
[Music: Beyonce ft. Shakira - Beautiful Liar]

So skool has been fun and usually when I go back after a while I really miss it.Had a word with teacher tht day bout college and when am gonna graduate and all.Am hopping for this year so we'll see how it goes. If graduation is this year tht also means that I have to work fuckin hard.I guess I'll have to do tht.That may mean goin back to skool so that part am excited bout.My electives so far are computer literacy and language which maybe Spanish or German.Have to discuss that with dad.But personally I prefer Spanish,I think its sexy(:P)

I'm mostly probably doin computer science and maybe in Life cause of their twining program.My parents have given me a choice..either I do everything here at Sunway or go to Life and twin with Aussie.They're twined with University of South Australia.I've been to the campus at Adelaide,which isn't too bad.I like it.But I'll definately wanna go to Aussie.Its something I've alwayz Alwayz wanted to do.My dad wasn't too keen at first on me goin to Aussie but this time around my mum suprised me by tellin him to send me.She was like"Let her do it if she wants to.She's alwayz wanted that".P.S: My mum never wanted me to leave the country at all!

For the next few months its gonna be Hardwork..more Hardwork and Fuckin Extra Hardwork! I'll try to find Fun somewhere around there.And the word Procrastincating can't exist anymore!

"Didn't you F her Bf when you too were BFF's!"
-One Tree Hill-

Those Thoughts That Run Deep

[Mood: Broken]
[Music: Not Ready To Make Nice - Dixie Chicks]

My stereo is blasting;
My eyeliner is beginning to smear;
I can barely hear;
My tears are forming in the corner of my eyes,
So just shut up and let me slip.

I think part of the reason why we hold on to something so tight is because
we fear that something so great won't happen twice

I just wanna talk to you,
And my broken heart just has no use
And I, I guess promises are better left unsaid, yeah
Everytime you try to tell me
You say the words that im the only
But I'm the one who's crawling on the ground
When you say love makes the world go 'round
-Ashlee Simpson's Love Makes The World Go Round-

When I turn the lights out,
When I close my eyes,
Reality overcomes me,
I'm living a lie.
-Avril Lavigne's Together-

My heart is broken,
I'm lying here,
My thoughts are choking on you my dear.

It's Bout The Vacaz

[Mood: Bored]
[Music: Avril Lavigne - Girlfriend]

The family decided to have a picnic at Morib 2day.So yeah that means an early wake up call which am not very good at and gettin ready in 5 minutes is really no joke.The journey was effin to short.I do <3 long car rides.The place wasn't too pack and the wind was wonderful.But I realized my family is just don't do picnic.We kept movin the tent cause of the sun.My dad was yellin everytime there was sand near the food.And everyone else were pissed with the unwanted visitors aka bugz.LOL.But it was okies I guess..just spending time and talin bout random thingz.Everything from politics to the latest flick.It was fun.

Out trip to Penang was real good to.The part I enjoyed the most: THE FOOD! Seriesly Penang has the best food ever.You just gotta know the right place to go.The place has real cool architecture as well.There's restorations of old buildings everywhere.Did some shoppin here and there and just relaxed.I had a good time just piggin outz:P

It's been a good vaca darlinz.Time to hit the books again.
BAH!

P.S: Avril Lavigne has a new single called girlfriend.It's sounds poppy-punk.It talks bout how she WANTS to steal someone elses bf.The lyrics are sorta like PCD's Don't cha.Seems this dayz everyone wants to steal bf's.*sheesh*

"It's all in the game of L.O.V.E"

I Am Me

[Mood: Pondering]
[Music: Matthew Ryan - Return To Me]

I thought everything was perfect for once.That the feelin of content was true.The last few weeks seemed great but I felt I've been running away from it all.Deep down I felt the truth but denial was strong.Here's why we don't want the truth,it's because most of the time it suxs.Deep down I was still aching from it.I was still carrying the scars and I questioned all that I felt.At 2 in the mornin,with silence lingering in the air.I found myself again.After months of being lost in the darkness,I finally found my principles and desires.My dreams and hopes.I want them all over again but in the right path this time.

I guess ppl are sent at different moments of our lives for a purpose.Each one to impact us in their own way.I know now that I have to learn to depend on me more than ever.To learn to stand on my own and know that I'll be ok.The gf and I had a past an hour long phone convo.And we talked bout all the yrs we've spent together,what we wanted,what we've learnt and we realized at 17,you can't afford anymore screw ups.It's a time in your lifewhere you're old enough to better but you aren''t that young to not care.

I thought to myself that nite.I wanted to be this all my life and maybe I wanted to grow up too fast.But I have no regrets though.Yes I've made bad decisions but I believe every little detail in our life has its own lil purpose.The reason we get hurt and broken.Would we learn if there was no pain? Thats what I ask myself a lot.As I alwayz remind myself "Experience is a hard teacher, you get the test first and the lesson wayy later" and then you'll probably go "damn I wish I just listened in the first place".Yea ppl I've been down that road.

But at this moment in my life I'm gonna be me.I'm not gonna let the past aches and pain change the person I am.I'm gonna stay true to my principles and ideals in life.I'm tired of ppl judging as if they know it all.Sometimes even the ppl you think know you best has not the slightist clue of who you are.I guess thtat hurts sometimes cause you thought they'll alwayz be reliable.Right now all I know is the most reliable person is me.I am who am and your approval is not DESIRED or REQUIRED!

Another Valentine Goes By

[Mood: Cheery]
[Music: Faith Hill - Breathe]

I know I haven't updated in a while but I've been away on vaca and also too lazy to update.But since it's Valentines I thought I'll put something up.But I'll defiantely post bout my trip ASAP!

So went to skool 2day and there were frenz celebrating Single Awareness Day.Hitz was doin that this mornin and everyone picked it up.Lame I know but the single ppl just wanted something to celebrate bout.Vitz complained bout how he hasnt seen me in 2 weeks.I missed you too dear!!!Besides that we spent the day laughing at Nicki's lameness and Rachel's sacrasm.Gosh I love hanging with this ppl.Though it does gets disturbin once in a while.LOL.

So I have never been a big fan of Valentine's day.I mean I don't exactly hate the day but I don't adore it either.It just makes single ppl feel bad and another holiday to make money out of.We don't need a day to tell someone how we feel bout them,its something that should be done all the time.Cause you never know what tomorrow holds.I know am sounding totally anti-Valentine but I haven't had a great Valentines YETZ!So maybe that's the cause of this complain list...but I do strongly believe about telling someone they way you feel all the time.

So here's something I wrote:

You have no idea how you make me feel,
The things I feel when am in your arms,
I always knew we had something special,
And am ever so grateful we fought like hell for each other,
The way I can lay on your shoulder without a word said,
The way you look at me and I know I mean the world to you,
You listen to me when I need to be heard,
And you know those dayz when I need to hear something sweet,
I’ve always dreamt of this sorta teenage love,
I never would have guessed it would have been you,
Our late night conversations full of honesty and passion,
Our casual random day messages,
The way you pick on me just to see me smile,
I know its never been easy on us babe,
But its love that has brought us this far,
I know I can be hard to deal with sometimes,
But your patience and understanding has brought me a long way,
Your love has made me a better person,
I know sometimes I run away and hide,
But the thing is I’ve always been afraid,
Afraid to admit how much I care,
But you’ve thought me that its ok to admit how I feel,
You’re my biggest inspiration and always will be,
I love when you talk about how much you want me part of your future,
You really have your way of making me smile,
No one’s gonna understand our chemistry,
But they’re gonna know we’re crazy bout each other,
You make me very happy darling,
And everyone sees that,
I sparkle a lil more each day cause of you,
I love you baby boy,
Happy Valentine’s Day!

P.S: Happy Valentine's Day to everyone! Hope you have a speacial one with your frenz or loved one.Especially to my darlin frenz.I love you guyz to tiny tiny bitz!!! Muaxkz!

Meeting you was fate, Becoming your friend was a choice, But falling in love with you was beyond my control

[Mood: Excited]
[Music: Hellogoodbye -Here (In Your Arms)]

It's not like I've been busy lately or anything but I had wayy to much going on.I mean seriesly I had drama beyond the usual and I totally hate it when I get into a misunderstading with my closest frenz speacially when they're the ones you go to when everything else is messed up.So yeah you get the point.But the thing is everything has a miraclous way of fixin itself.And I finally saw some light today.

I had a wonderful time.It was our one year aniversary and I'm in awe cause time has passed by so fast and it seems like only a few months back that we went for our first date.We've had our share of ups and downs.Trust me ppl it has been one hell of a rollar coaster ride but if I had to do it all over again,I wouldn't change a single detail.Cause it has brought us where we are today.I love the way he makes me laugh and teases me just to see me smile.His really made my teenage years extra special.Our late conversations and hours online has alwayz been loadz of fun.I like the way I can be myself with him n argue with him bout the most of random thingz.No one has made me feel this way before and I think what we have is definately one of a kind.It's a mix of chemistry,passion and love.He makes me happy.Also the gift he got me totally moved me to tears.I was practically choking with my mouth literally open.I loved it darlin.It's soo beautiful.

We watched the Holiday,its a super sweet movie.Gotta get the dvd some time.So besides a great day with him,gf and I patched thingz up.Am sooooo glad for that and when I came back I got to hang on the phone with both my besties.That was definately a blast.An hour with each person.I heart phone convos!!

I really needed a day like this and am ever so grateful for it.Feelin totally worn outz now.His on the phone and he wants me to get off my lappie immediately....I L.O.V.E him!

When you're holding my hand,
I get the feeling that everything
is meant to be.
This way.
You and me

The City Lights Burn

[Mood: Emo-ing]
[Music: My Chemical Romance - I'm Not Okay(I Pomise)]

I'm tired of dropping my guard too fast,

Bleeding for something that refuses to last...

11:11 Is My Favorite Number, But It Has Yet To Show Me Why

[Mood: Upset]

[Music: Jimmy Eat World - May Angels Lead You In]

It’s those cold days that get to the soul,
It’s when those hurtful words run deep,
And scar the heart,
Tired of the pain,
Can’t seem to find the tears,
Wanting to be set free,
But held back by consequence of a regret,
So much for experience,
Thought the day was near,
But now it seems like eternity,
There’s so much a heart can take,
The memories are like a mixtape,
They play me to sleep,
Wanting to smile again,
But oh such horrible mistakes have been made,
It’s sad that we can’t take back time,
Would you please set me free?
Throw away this misery and make me laugh,
But don’t come too close,
I’d rather not have you near the heart,
This distance is good,
The loneliness does kill though,
My pride is broken,
All for the sake of love,
Vulnerable,
For far too long,
What wasted days,
Ignorance should have been born much before the time,
I was your miracle,
Its just sad that you didn’t see that,
I cherish the days we hoped,
And try to get rid of that bitterness,
But I rather be left out in the cold,
Then to drown in all this ache.

It's All About The Wordplay

[Mood: Sick]
[Music: Jason Mraz - Wordplay]

Layer One
Name: Ezreena
Birth date: March 26, 1990
Birthplace: Malaysia,
Location: Malaysia
Eye Color: Dark Brown
Hair Color: Black
Height: 4 ish I think
Righty or Lefty: Lefty
Zodiac Sign: Aries
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Layer Two
The shoes you wore today: None
Your weakness: Procrastinating
Your fears: End of the world
Your perfect pizza: BBQ chicken with extra cheese
Goal you'd like to achieve: Write a book
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Layer Three
Your most overused phrase on MSN: Heyyaz
Your first waking thoughts: Please dont wake me up nowz
Your best physical feature: My eyes
Your most missed memory: Being all carefree when I was 5
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Layer Four
Pepsi or Coke: Coke
McDonald's or Burger King: McD's
Single or group dates: Single
Adidas or Nike: Give me CONVERSE baby!!
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Nestea
Chocolate or vanilla: Vanilla
Cappuccino or coffee: Cappuccino
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Layer Five
Smoke: Nopez
Cuss: Yea
Sing: Yup
Take a shower everyday: Yea
Do you think you've been in love: Yeah
Want to go to college: Yes
Like high school: Yea
Want to get married: Yea
Believe in yourself: Most of the time
Get motion sickness: Nada
Think you're attractive: Sorta
Think you're a health freak: Nopez
Get along with your parent(s): Yes
Like thunderstorms: Not really
Play an instrument: The organ..dont ask why..
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Layer Six
In the past month...
Drank alcohol: Yup
Smoked: No
Done a drug: Nopez
Kissed: Yea
Gone on a date: Yea
Gone to a party: Nope
Gone to the mall: Yup
Eaten an entire box of Oreos: No
Eaten sushi: Nada
Been on stage: Yup
Been dumped: No
Gone skating: Nopez
Made homeade cookies: Nope
Gone skinny dipping: No
Dyed your hair: No
Stolen anything: Nopez
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Layer Seven
Ever....
Played a game that required removal of clothing: Nopez
If so, was it mixed company: ...
Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: No
Been caught "doing something" : I don't think so
Been called a tease: Nope
Gotten beaten up: No
Shoplifted: Nope
Changed who you were to fit in: Yea but not to fit in
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Layer Eight
Age you hope to be married: 24 or 25
Numbers and Names of Children: 2 or 3.Lalaine,Racquel,Ryan
Describe your Dream Wedding: It would take up too much space
How do you want to die: In my sleep.
Where you want to go to college: Monash
What do you want to be when you grow up: A impactive person
What country would you most like to visit: Spain
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Layer Nine
Number of people I could trust with my life: 4
Number of CDs that I own: Lost count
Number of piercing: 2 and cravin for more!!
Number of tattoos: Nada
Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: Once
Number of scars on my body: 2 or 3
Number of things in my past that I regret: A few

-Loadz of Love-

Surviving Those Cold Dayz

[Mood: Thoughtful]

[Music: Susie Suh - Recognition]

"There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroads.The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our days.And, of course when faced with the unknown, most of us prefer to turn around and go back.There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroads.But, once in a while, people push onto something better. Something found just beyond the pain of going it alone. And just beyond the bravery and courage it takes to let someone in.Or to give someone a second chance.Something beyond the quiet persistence of a dream.Because, it's only when you’re tested that you truly discover who you are.And, it's only when you're tested that you discover who you can be.The person you want to be does exist; somewhere on the other side of hard work and faith and belief. And, beyond the heartache and fear of what lies ahead.
-Lucas-
{One Tree Hill}

Life isnt a destination,

Its a journey we all come upon unexpected curves& turning points.

Everything that happens to us shapes who we are becoming.

& In the adventure of each day, we discover the important things in life & why they're important.

Lights Will Guide You Home

[Mood: Daydreamin]
[Music: Avril Lavigne - Falling Down]

First day of skool still do give me butterflies.I have no idea why but they just do.I was nervous in the car but calmed down when I reached skool grounds.The classes are the same and thank God I have the same teacher.Not many new students this year so I didn't have to start learning new names.Did some math but I was occupied with my phone for the whole day.I was sms-ing and dealin with this rather large drama ad my darlin gf was my shoulder to cling on while Eddy was tryin to cheer me up the whole time with Abel tryin to give advice whenever he could and tellin me I could borrow his shoulder for the day..lolz.I missed Vitz a lot tht day!! I was pretty much upset for the whole time and was not in the mood to watch "King Kong".It's family tradition that we watch a dvd,have dinner or do something as a family on fridayz.Hanged on the phone even more and everything was fixed by that nite and it's good now.

The rest of my weekend was sorta of a bore.Mostly I spent time on the phone or online.The internet sorta suxs rite now cause I can't seem to download anything,just that it better be fixed by Jan 17 or I'll be really mad! OTH is coming back darlins!!!

My year is startin out pretty well but am still procrastinating.Will work on that soon or I'm gonna be stuck in high skool for the rest of my life.I NEED to study.

Its not who you spend the most time with,
Its who you have the best memories with.

This Are What The Teenage dayz Are Made Of

[Mood: Content]
[Music: Dashboard Confessional - Don't Wait]

This year I've got through so much and collected so many picture perfect memories.Learned so much,laughed my heart out,cried my soul out and made mistakes.I do have a couple of regrets but I really don't feel like taking them back.I fell in love this year and got my heart shattered.I found love with my frenz and I've learned to apperiacte them ever so much cause they're really my support system.They've made me smile through rainy dayz and have lent their shoulders all the time.I love you guyz sooo much!!!!!This time around I've learned to lean on my lil sister a little bit here and there too.I know she really cares for me and thankz dear for hearing me rant all night sometimes.I do apperiacte it all.

I did work on a couple of resolutions for 2007.I came up with 25.Mostly its about becoming a better person and working a lot harder in school.I really do wanna graduate next year and that means workin my ass off .I planned to enjoy high skool the fullest next year cause I know am never gonna get this time back again and it's alwayz been said that these are gonna be the best years of my life.I'm gonna live dayz to fullest,love with everything I've got and have the time of my life! I know things are not gonna get any easier and there's are gonna be my fair share of trials but I'm gonna fight for what I want and continue leaning on my support system. Lovin life and enjoyin the ride!

Happy New Year With Love Everyone~

The teenage years are the best years of our lives.
Even though there's tons of drama, tears & heartbreaks,
There's also friends that you trust will never leave your side.
There's the boy who whenever you see you get butterflies in your stomach..
There's parties & breaking the rules.
Now tell me, at what other point in your life are you going to be able to have all those things at once?

It's That Time of The Year Again!

[Mood: Joyful]
[Music: Clay Aiken - Joy To The World]

It's the best time of the year and am grateful for so much this year.My christmas did start out a little bumpy but the gf said I should try my very best to have a wonderful christmas and my sis was you wait and see what happens.I did get my christmas miracle after all!

The usual family tradition during christmas eve is usually having an absolutely wonderful dinner,laugh a whole lot and eat a whole lot more.We had an extra guest this year.A long distance relative shared christmas with us this year.Dinner was the bomb and I got wonderful gifts by everyone.Got loadz of those retro dresses I wanted so much! Christmas day was spent lazing around with the family and we had open house at night.That was real fun.And out of the blue Jarrett and Daniel decided to get beer.It was a real miracle my parents didn't see it and I had a lil too much to drink.Was a lil dizzy after that and I so cleverly decided to hang on the phone after that.Talked crapped a lot and thankz darlin for puttin up with me that nite(:P)My mum came to me and asked what wasnt I hangin with everyone downstairs and I dramatized to her.LOL~! Am smart that way.She hugged me and said I shouldn't be so dramatic about life.haha.The rest of night was spent chatting with aunts and uncles.Slept at 5 in tht morning

Left to my grandparents place the next morning.Didn't do much there,just chilled and relaxed.Went to the beach the next day and came home prety late that night.The rest of the week was spent onlining,just watching tv or sleeping.Yes I've been sleeping a lot lately! On Friday decided to go watch "Night At The Museum".Went with a fren.I had a good time,the movie was really good! Came home around 6 and went for a family dinner.Decided to watched "Lord of the Rings 2".But I got bored half way through and went to hang on the phone.Had Major! drama and I had deal with everything...

It's lunch time.And am starved.I'm gonna go find something to do throughout the day.

Merry Christmas Ya'll!!!!

It's Not Until You're Broken,That You Know What You're Made Of

[Mood: Tired]
[Music: Nelly Furtado - All Good Things(Come To An End)]

Flames To Dust

Lovers To Friends

Why Do All Good Things Come To An End?

I feel so grown up today.I think I just dealed with this situation in the most mature of manner.I was afraid to lose a fren but its amazing how things have a way of falling into place.We started out with a fight but I think we just knew what was coming.I guess at times you just have to accept the fact that some things are just not meant to be.I wasn't in a bundle of tears like I usual am but I reasonable discussed what are we to do with the situation and by the end of the night we were laughing again.I think this is one of the greatest lessons I've learnt this year.This is relationship has taught me a whole lot and I don't regret any of it.If I had to do it all over, I wouldn't change it a bit.

Standing From Here

[Mood: Sick]
[Music: Nelly Furtado - Try]

Well fellow readers and spam taggers..it's been a while and dayz have been rather eventful and busy and ever so tiring and on top of all that I had to end up with the oh-so-horrible fever....*sulking*....I've finally found time for myself...

Decided to go for the Planetshakers event on Thursday and a bunch of us decided to hang there from 3 in the afternoon.The bunch was Kc,Eddy,Vitz,Sis and Marielle.We had sorta tea and A &W,messed around with this malay guy who sms-ed Vitz and he thought he was Saiful and we played along.ROFL.He asked to come out in a hurry and we were like no you go home first and then he said to wait in front of the Bomba and then we were like you go to the hospital and from then on he didnt get a reply back.hahaha.Guess he found the real guy by then.Watched Eragon.It was okies I guess but the beginning was effin borin,the ending wasnt too bad.Half way we were talkin,laughing and throwing popcorn around.Played a bit of pool and bowlin and then had dinner and Secret Recipe.Soon enough everyone's parents decided to have dinner at Pyramid.Our phones were ringin off the hook.Headed for the concert after that,had a great time and then went home around 11 somethin.Was dead tired when I got home.

Felt like an elephant was on my head that mornin.Lazyed aroud and then got ready for carollin that evening.Was feelin sorta sick and all but managed to pull myself together.Carollin was fun and all.Came home around 1 somethin.Crawled to my room and came down with a fever.I was horrible the next mornin.Feelin totally sore and havin an awful headache.Was takin all sort of pills for the rest of the day.Had a Christmas event that evening.Goodness knows how I manage to pull myself through.The event was real nice.Chatted on the phone and then slept around 12 somethin.

After church headed to One Utama.Had lunch there and then just walked around.Am really not a big fan of that place.Alwayz soo freakin packed.Had a fren at my place for the rest of the day.Went to the Mamak at nite and then watched the OTH shoot-out episode.Did tear a lil though..tht episode alwayz moves me a lotz..

It's turnin out ot be a very slow Monday and am tragically bored and still in a lot of pain.I think I'll just go catch more sleep.

I'll help you [ u p ]when life gets you (d.o.w.n)
Remember to smile & never frown.
Live life crazy with no regrets,
Never look back;
But never forget.

So What's My Damage Today

[Mood: Upset]
[Music: Ashlee Simpson - Nothing New]

Sometimes it's truly amazing how a certain song can say the exact way your feeling.I was all upset the other nite and I was browsing through Ashlee's first album and I randomly decided to give this song a listen and half way through I realized it was speaking my heart out...
I HEART MUSIC~

:Nothing New by Ashlee Simpson:

I found myself wrong again

Starin out my window

Wonderin what it is I should have said

I found myself at home again

Waitin for the after call

From a fallout that feels like such a mess

Ohhhh I can only be myself

I'm sorry that's hell for you

Heyyy so what's my damage today

Don't let me get in your way

Let it out like you always do

The trouble between me and you

Is nothing new

So I listen to you complain and then

I bite my tongue in vain again

As I let it all just slowly settle in

Such a pretty picture that you paint

I'm so vile while your a saint

Funny how your eyes see thick not thin

Ohhhh I can only be myself

Your lookin for someone else

Heyyy so what's my damage today

Don't let me get in your way

Let it out like you always do

The trouble between me and you

Is nothing new

You know how to give it but you can't take it

It's all just a waste now you can save it

No matter what I do

Is never good enough,

Never good enough

Heyyy so what's my damage today

Don't let me get in your way

Let it out like you always do

The trouble between me and you

Is nothing new,Is nothing new

Save your breath cause here comes the truth

I'm over the drama of you

And that's something new

Well I'm starin' out my window

Wonderin' what it is I should have, said

Put On The Famous Smile To Avoid The Questions

[Mood: Confuzzeled]
[Music: Fall Out Boy - I got a dark alley and a bad idea that says you should shut your mouth]

Layer One: On The Outside
Name: Ezreena
Birthdate: 26 March 1990
Current Status: It's complicated
Eye Color: Black
Hair Color: Black
Righty or Lefty: Lefty
Zodiac Sign: Aries

Layer Two: On The Inside
Your Heritage: 3/4 Indian,1/4Chinese
Your Fears: Reptiles and bugs
Your Weakness: ummm...
Your Perfect Pizza: Pepperoni,cheese,chicken,more cheese

Layer Three: Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow
Your Thoughts First Waking Up: Skool work,dayz scheulede
Your Bedtime: Anywhere from 12-3 A.M
Your Most Missed Memory: A few..

Layer Four: Your Pick
Pepsi or Coke: Vanilla Coke!!
McDonald's or Burger King: Mc'ds
Single or Group Dates: Single
Adidas or Nike: Nike
Tea or Nestea: Nestea
Chocolate or Vanila: Vanilla
Cappucinno or Coffee: Cappucinno

Layer Five: Do You...
Smoke: Nopez
Curse: Yea
Take a shower: Hell yeah!
Have a crush: Yupz
Think you've been in love: Yea
Go to school: Yupz
Want to get married: Yea I do
Believe in yourself: Oh yeah!
Think you're a health freak: Not really

Layer Six: In The Past Month
Drank Alcohol: I think so
Gone to the mall: Yeah
Been on Stage: Yeah,awards nite
Eaten Sushi: Nopez..dont like it
Dyed Your Hair: Nah

Layer Seven: Have You Ever...
Played A Stripping Game: Nopez
Changed Who You Were To Fit In: Nah

Layer Eight: Age Your Hoping...
To Be Married: 26/27

Layer Nine: In a Girl/GuyBest
Eye Color: I don't really mind
Best Hair Color: As long as it isnt somethin drastic
Short Hair or Long Hair: Short..guyz with long hair are sorta a turn off..

Layer Ten: What Were You Doing?
In a minute: Listenin to AFI
1 hour ago: Havin lunch
4.5 hours ago: Sleepin
1 month ago: Studyin
1 year ago: Loadz

Layer Eleven: Finish The Sentence
I Love: my family and frenz
I Feel: confuzzeled
I Hate: posers
I Hide: and you seek
I Miss: a certain someone
I Need: to sleep!!!

I got tagged by Sam...*BAH*...

"A broken heart is when you are crying yourself to sleep every night and yet crying more and more each morning."

We keep On Waiting On The World To Change

[Mood: Worried]
[Music: John Mayer - Waiting On The World To Change]

Requirements:
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title to answer the questions. ( Lyrics may be inserted as well, depending on your preference.)
4. DON'T CHEAT.

1) How am I feeling today?
Fergie ft. Ludacris - Glamarous{Okies maybe am feelin a lil glam..}

2) Where will I get married?
Kangta ft Vaness - Scandal{this isnt too good}

3) What is my best friend's theme song?
Joss Stone - Right To Be Wrong{Yeah this could be one of her theme songs..."I've got a right to be wrong,my mistakes will make me strong"}

4) What was high school like?
Ashley Parker Angel - Where Did You Go?{O..kies,am still not done with high skool though..so this is irrelavant}

5) What is the best thing about me?
Jason Mraz - Geek In The Pink{"I don't care what you might think about me"..guess I don't really care what others say...}

6) How is today gonna be?
Unwritten Law - Because of You

7) What is in store this week?
MXPX - Play It Loud{Somethin punkish maybe...}

8) What song describes my parents?
Lindsay Lohan - Nobody Till You{This just doesnt make much sense}

9) How is my life going?
Ne Yo - Sexylove{"You keep me sprung..keep me running back to you"}

10) What song will they play at my funeral?
Tata Young - El Nin-Yo!{hell no!!}

11) How does the world see me?
Justin Timberlake - Sexyback{Oh yeah baby....Am BRINGING SEXYBACK!!!}

12) What do my friends see in me?
Fall Out Boy - I've Got A Dark Alley And A Bad Idea That Says You Should Shut Your Mouth{ HuhH??}

13) Do people secretly lust about me?
Pink - Trouble{guess am in trouble...}

14) How can I make myself happy?
The Afters - Someday

15) What should I do with my life?
Jennifer Lopez - Play{omg...this is just wrong!}

16) Will I ever have children?
Faith Hill - Breathe{Okies this as a yes..lolz}

17) What is some good advice?
U2 - Beautiful Day

18) What do I think my current theme song is?
Cassie - Me&U{*sizzinlin*...hahaha}

19) What does everyone else think of my current life?
Nsync - It's Gonna Be Me{"Every lil thing I do never seems enough for you"}

20) What type of men do you like?
Usher - Yeah{I really do NOT like players!}

21) Will you get married?
Breaking Benjamin - Diary of Jane{bizzarro!!}

22) Where will I live?
Cascada - Everytime We Touch{Guess with the one I love..hehe}

23) What should I do with my love life?
J Lo - Jenny In The Block{rite...}

24) What will your dying words be?
Low Millions - Statue{sweet!}

25) When I'm having sex I say?
The Cranberries - Linger{LOL!!!}

26) When ( not what ) I meet a guy/girl for the first time I say?
Gavin Degraw - We Belong Together{They'll probably run away and never wanna see me again ..}

27) When my parents are angry I say?
Keith Urban - You'll Think Of Me{HAHAHA!!!!....hell yeah they'll think of me...}

Promises Are Pretty Lies With Ribbons Tied To Them

The hardest thing in life is to watch someone you love

love someone else. The second hardest thing in life is
to know he meant everything to you but you meant
nothing to him.The third hardest thing in life is to see
her in his arms and remember how that used to be you.

When did life get so hard?
It seems like just yesterday we were little kids,
Without a care in the world,
I don't think I like growing up.

Charlie Brown: I think I'm afraid to be happy.

Lucy: How can you be afraid to be happy?

Charlie Brown: Because whenever you get too happy, something bad always happens.

There's beauty in a breakdown

Don't catch her when she falls,

Let her c r u m b l e to the ground.