Wanting To Bleed Away

[Mood: Depressed]

[Music: Linkin Park -Numb]

I'm just another one of thoes girls who laughs during phone calls

Forces herself to fake a smile everyday

And then collapse on her bed

And cries herself to sleep

With mascara running down her face;she is such a beautiful disgrace.

With the tears falling faster;she is such a beautiful disaster.

She loved you with all she could.

She made you her life.

She gave you her heart.

Only to have it all hoved back in her face.

Tonight my headphones
Will bring these songs of sorrow.

My sweet therapy.

You told me you loved me.
More than anything.
You said you would never hurt me.
You would never leave me.
Well
You know what dear?
All your promises turned out to be lies.

Just what we all need
More lies about a world that
Never was and never will be
You don't know how you've decieved me
(Evanescence.)

As my eyes open from their state of sleep,
I feel my blood turn into a frozen river.
Nightmares told me
Death was in the air.
A piece of me is gone forever.
Clutching memories held so close.
Repeating words of love spoken too late.

Lookin At The Sky

[Mood: Bored]
[Music: Good Charlotte - Misery]

I took this quizy.Seemed pretty intersting.Some of it is true>> Quiz Linkie{http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx}>>

Your view on yourself: You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for: You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship: You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love: You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education: Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you: You have many goals and want to achieve as much as you can. The jobs you enjoy are those that let you burn off your considerable excess energy.

How do you view success: You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of: You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self: You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

The Question

[Mood: Lame]
[Music: Hilary Duff - Happy]

Just when I thought we have reached a higher level,
You made a promise,
I was moved to tears by your words,
But I guess to easily yet again,
Vunerable,
Yea that's me right now,
I believed whole heartedly,
I don't get these phase,
Afraid to put my heart on the line again,
Can't bear to get hurt all over again,
I'm startin to question a lot lately,
The pain lingers,
But the tears don't seem to be on the outside,
So much has been said and done,
Yet its so easy for you to throw it all away,
These dayz I've been fighting so hard to keep you with me,
But am gettin drained,
You said you loved me,
The next second you just want me out of your life,
I don't wanna tie you down to me,
It's very unfair of me to do that,
Not wanting to be selfish,
But so afraid to get heartbroken,
Sittin by my favourite corner,
With my music and tears,
You tell me to trust you with my heart,
And am tryin,
But its so hard when I have no idea what you will do or say the very next moment,
I feel like running away,
Leavin all this behind,
But I know memories will never leave my soul,
I remember every detail of the times I've spent with you,
The way I looked at you,
The way you held me,
Everything means so much to me,
Is it the same for you?

What lies behind us & what lies before us
Are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.

Let The Record Play

[Mood: Lazy]
[Music: Good Charlotte - Broken Hearts Parade]

Am effin sore...Sports has never done me good my either life n I have no idea why I keep tryin..*sheesh*...my week has been long n I've been sorta slackin on skool work a lil.Can't help it if I fuckin hate math.N I have to do it up to grade 12....*BAH*...teacher asked that day if I really wanted 2 do computer science...n I was like I don't know...so he suggested an apptitude test...*sheesh*...all this career thing is soo effin complicated...

So I've been cravin for those Good Charlotte tickets, yet this turned out to be like the "Simple plan case".Seriously it turned out fuckin complicated n I just was sooo upset for the whole freakin weekend cause of it.I know you might be thinkin why am makin such a huge fuss over this but seriously when I started listenin 2 punk rock.I started out with GC n their lyrics really says a lot and what goes on around us.It just really deep stuff n music makes me world go round n shit..I just really wanted 2 go...fuck....I'll stop rabblin here....So Sunday came n it was very usual.I got my badminton racket..*beams with joy*...haha..came home super worn out.Pretty much chilled for the rest of the day.

Monday was tirin cause I slept at 5 the nite before...which is techinally mornin...but whatever.The first question I got tht mornin was "u went for Good Charlotte ar?" and I was like"*cursin under my breathe*...No!*.When I reached for assembly...a bunch of others came up to me with the same freakin question.Seriously by break I was tellin Vitz that if one more person came up 2 me with tht question,I would seriously SLIT THEIR THROAT!! Then he just had to ask...He came up 2 me the whole day greetin me with this "Hey my fren who didn't get to see GC" Thank God for my high patience level...haha...U know I love ya 2 much 2 slit ur throat darlin!!!....~XoXo

I woke up effin late this mornin n didnt go to skool.I slept for pretty much the whole day n just woke up.I'm blamin all the exercise! I have badminton 2 moro...*snifflez*...n am gonna go start joggin 2day! Wish me luck..I'm gonna need it! And no I didn't collapse durin my jog this mornin vitz!

This is for the girls who never won,who stay up all night listening to music that inspires them to do things next to impossible,
The girls that laugh, smile, cry, and think all on a daily basis,
The girls who like, learn, and regret;
The girls who may never have it easy.
The girls who learn the hard way,and live to tell about it.
The real girls.

Livin It Up Honey

And so it was Christine's farewell dinner/outing thing last friday.I mean I had one for her at my place on Wednesday.That was effin fun.Talked bout college,boyz,and gossiped like crazy..haha.I'm really gonna miss ya dearest!! We had a dinner for her at this buffet place in pyramid and gettin there after skool was an adventure on its own.Thank God shauny was drivin that day.So Shauny went to get Kc n while we waited for everyone,durin tht time Kc got my phone locked by tryin 2 set up the SIM password.So Shauny was a total sweetheart n dropped us at the DiGi center n went to leave Daniel at his place so he could change.While waiting we got Vitz to change his plan so we could get GC tickets but it seems you have to go to Times Square n shit...so he was like no wayz...hehe....we finally got the code n all...hanged at the TM Net center and camwhored..

Shauny picked us after tht,happy 2 have hanged in Daniel's room(inside gay joke)...headed to Pyramid and the gf and I were totally bimbo's in the car.Camwhorin even more and laughing our heads off...headed to the restaurant and met up with Esther...poor gurlie she was rottin there for hours...we had dinner but then Kc had to leave early..Christine arrived n we took a group piccy...I hanged for a while n he decided to pay me a suprise visit...Rachey arrived soon n I met up with her...I chilled with them a while but thingz started to get tensed at the table n also I needed transport to go home and Shauny's car was full so I followed him.

We were walked 2 Sunway college n it started raining.So we took a cab there n he sorta dragged me to some ACCA social event.Seriesly I've never felt so out of place before.Like am not even in freakin college yetz! So i sat there pretty much sulking n he got the idea.haha...Thank God his smart:p...so we hanged out at the foyer n he checked out my skool work...u know I think all this while his being thinkin when I say I'v got loadz to study that am sayin it 2 do somethin else.....*sheesh*....his reaction was ever so hilarious...he went "wow ur seriesly smart la" n all tht...yeah babe did u just realize tht!!..lolz...he left me back by taxi...real sweet of him...I reached home at bout 9 somethin n chilled on the phone till bout 1...

It waz definately a fun day n a total adventure.Shall post piccys.We totally camwhored!

Best FRIENDS:
know that you're slow,stupid, && mess around yet,
they still don't care about beeing [s e e n]with you in (p u b l i c)
Because they know they're idiots too<3

We Are Just Shadows

[Mood: Emo]
[Music: Anastasia ft. Ben Moody - Everything Burns]

Really everything around me seems so fuckin messed up rite now.

I think am slowly learning to rely on just me.

I'm afraid to trust or open up.

Think am gonna stick to being that way for a while.

So sick of crying and I think now I seem to cry out of confusion.

Tired of being let down and everything seem to be a freakin routine.

Feelin locked up and fighting so hard to find freedom,

Nothing seems right anymore,

When I think that am finally happy,

Its like I triger off some sorta force,

It shows that am wrong,

Yeah I feel like screamning,

Don't you know that this misery loves me?

Finding that out this tonite,

I hate this voice that keeps ringing in my head,

I wish it would just stop sometimes,

Wanting to hold your hand and to smile,

To know that I'll be alrite,

I want that secruity,

But I can't seem to find that,

I count the dayz,

Its alwayz precisely a week,

Been waiting for it to stop,

Doesn't seem to be happening anytime soon,

Yes I'm bleeding,

Sometimes it seems healed,

But soon enough it starts all over again and I can't seem to make it stop,

I really want it to stop,

Please make it stop

& it makes everything somuch harder, you know? It makes things harder

when you hold everything in.It's almost like I can't even

breathe without feeling like I shouldn't be.

To Inspire And Be Inspired

[Mood: Tired]
[Music: Dj Sammy - Heaven(remix)]

Lately I was told that I should stop being cold and actually show emotion.Stop livin in my own lil world and actually go through the time given at hand.I know.I've alwayz had a problem with that. Even when am so hurt by what was said, I just stand there with a meak smile and then much later I'll sit and ponder on why those words were said.I've alwayz been afraid to show emotion and I have no idea why. I'm guess am afraid to triger the wrong reaction or somethin. I alwayz seem to bottle up all my feelings and store them in a cupboard.React much later when am alone or somethin.But I know I have to stop doin that. Sometimes when I care so much, I may seem cold but I really don't mean to. It's my way of protecting myself you could say. Am sorry if I've been runnin away or avoiding you lately. You mean so much to me and have been my pillar of hope.Lettin me that I'm gonna be alrite when am afraid that I was gonna fall and disappoint. You've always let me know that being me is all that its gonna take to make it..nothing more and nothing less.Whenever I felt like I've falled short, you remind me of my roots and who am I deep inside.I love you. I hope you know that. My biggest inspiration you are. Smiling through it all everyday.My rolemodel.There are no words to describe how much you mean to me.I will make you proud.I really will.For I can never bear to disappoint you.Really can't...I care so much about you.You mean the world to me.And I hope you know that.For I'm gonna try to show you that everyday for now onwards.

I want power in my words,
I want passion in my eyes.
And when I wake up,
I want life to be a surprise

Hotter 17

[Mood: Happy]
[Music: Kelis - Milkshake]

So my 17th birthday has come and gone.It was a pretty casual one this yr and I spent it with my family and another celebration with him.I had dinner with the family the usual trado stuff.He decided to take me down to Sepang, n we ended up watchin F1 cars and eatin hershey.More like I ate the hershey. We chilled outz for pretty much the rest of the day.Oh and did I mention he allowed me drive again.He must really trust me with his life oh somethin cause I was spendin down the highway at 140mph.Definately fuckin thrillin! I had a great time and he got me the cutest stuffed tiger ever.I totally love it! His name is fluffy btw:P The orginal plan that day was to go to KLIA and watch planes but then we got diverted. I've alwayz wanted to check out the circuit anywayz so yeah it was cool.Thankz darlin! Muakz!

So Hotter 17.Slightly EmaL...I know but Yes I do feel older and I'm really gonna miss being sweet 16. It's alwayz been cool to say "yeah am sweet 16."Now its sorta like yeah yeah "Am Hotter 17"N then I get these odd stares..haha...So I think I've really learned in the last couple of yrs.I've had my fair share of fun,adventure,crazyness,wild dayz and drama.And this year seems to be leadin to a whole lot more of it.I'm excited for it all.I'm gonna embrace it n learn to get the best from it.Lately I've really been livin by this philosophy that "Everything happens for a reason" thing.It has been doin me good.

Kc and I were havin one of those "serious" convos that day.We realized that we've sorta passed through that "mid-teen" phase and thingz that seem oh so important then,didn't seem to big now.We realized that we've startin to grown up and responsibilities are kickin in. So many important decisions are yet to made.And these are not the minor ones,but decisions that could effect your entire life.College,courses to persue,principles,priorities and much more.I'm definately feelin the preassure.But I'm glad I have a great support system by my side.They really keep me goin.

Goin back to skool has been crazy and tirin.But I've offically quit procrastinating.*Extremely proud*

I'm gonna go wait for my phone to ring..

Loadz of Love