Saturday, March 24, 2007

Here's To Broken Hearted

[Mood: Hurt]
[Music: The Funeral - Band of Horses]


Here's to all the girls who used to be his number one. The ones who waited all night for him to call, only to check the caller ID the next morning & be disappointed. The ones who made it through that bitter break up, dried your own tears, & moved on with your life, only to have him walk back in it months later like nothing ever happened. Those of you who cried on the first day you talked again because you knew exactly where this phone call was going. The ones who listened to him say, "I only want to be your friend", one day, and the next, listened to him say how much he loves & misses you. We deserve something, and this is our tribute. Here's to the ones that took him back, hoping that maybe this time, he was different, hoping that maybe people really do change. We listened to our friends tell us that we were stupid for even thinking about giving him another chance, caught crap from our parents, & even snuck around to see him for while. We went through the great stage with no fights all over again. We started this out thinking it would be just friends, & ended up falling in love with him again. We wanted nothing more in the world than to hear him tell us he loved us too, that even though things were bad in the past, they would be different this time. And when we finally heard it, it was like we were dreaming. This is for us. Here's to the ones who believed what he said, sat around all over again waiting for a phone call that might come in a few hours, or a few days. Here's for the tears cried and dried all over again. We wanted so desperately to believe that he was really busy, he couldn't possibly call us at that moment, or even that he fell asleep early. We trained ourselves to believe the lies because we wanted to believe we had found the one for us. We learned to settle for someone who didn't treat us the way we should be treated. Here's for the ones who did their hair and make up & put on their prettiest earrings, only to hear him say that he couldn't see us today. The ones who never believed it when people told us there might be someone else. We just couldn't believe that he could do this to us again. This is for those great girls who loved him more than words can say, & took him back no matter what happened last time because they couldn't bear to look back on their lives one day & wonder "what if". This is for the girls that stayed up all night long listening to him whine about an ex girlfriend who cheated on him, & cried during the entire conversation. The ones who hoped he would realize that he deserved better, that he deserved us. When he said that he loved you, but he was in love with her, he didn't mean it. This is for the ones that held on to something that was never there to begin with. This is for us girls, who somehow managed to get him to forget about her, & get him to tell us that he was in love with us again, only to have him tell us three weeks later that "things were going too fast, he needs time." Here's to the girls who couldn't cry to their friends because of how stupid they felt. The ones who held it all in when things came crumbling to pieces again. This is for the ones who couldn't bear to even tell their mom what was going on, for fear of an "I told you so." The ones that could just tell that they had made a mistake ever allowing him into their hearts & their dreams again. We knew that we deserved better the entire time, that we deserved a guy who would call when he said he was going to, one that would come see us whenever he got the chance, one that would really care about us. We just wanted the one that we loved like that. Here's for the ones that finally realized that he never gave a crap about them. Here's for the time that he broke your heart again. This is for those days spent trying to hold back the tears, & the tears that turned into anger, then disappointment. Here's for us girls who finally realized that we deserve better. This is for those confusing days, when you miss him & want nothing more than to hear his voice, or feel his arms around your waist. Stay strong and remember that relationships are like broken glass; sometimes it's better to leave it alone rather than try to put the pieces back together & get hurt. Remember the times you cried & how long it took you to even be able to look at another guy like that. When 'your song' comes on the radio, turn the station. When the day comes that he realizes what a mistake he made & tries calling, turn your phone off. When he tries coming to your house, don't answer the door. Think of the broken promises, and the lies, the manipulation & the tears, the wasted moments and staying up all night wondering where the crap he was. Think of how your heart used to jump when your phone would vibrate in the middle of the night & how it fell to your stomach when you saw it wasn't him, and realized that once again, he hadn't called when he said he was going to. One day you'll find a guy who's worth all the tears, but he won't make you cry. You may think that you'll never care about someone like you did that guy that you always ran back to, but you will. It's going to hurt like crap, & it's going to need time to heal, but the point is, it will heal. This is for those girls who fell back in love with their ex, only to get hurt all over again.

Friday, March 23, 2007

Livin A Day At A Time

[Mood: Worn Outz]
[Music: Bowling For Soup - When We Die]


So I've started skool and gettin back to the discipline is fuckin diffult.I've been sleepin a lot in class lately but teacher said he'd rather have us sleep then yack.Been crashin at 4 for the whole effin week and yes its the usual stuff.THE DRAMA!It's been goin on for the whole darn week but its sorta settled nowz or at least I hope it is.

Went out on Fri with Rachey and Vitz.Had a really good time with them.We had wafflez,looked for a birthday gift for bloop bloop and me.Yeah she wanted 2 get my hot underwear..hehe..and then we played pool and laughed a whole lot.Later Rachey's dad dropped us at the park .We had ice-cream and a serious heart to heart convo.It was cool.The event was fun.The bandz rocked and that hottie was there.OMG! Am so crushin on him.His really effin cute.I have a HUGE weakness for boyz tht write their own songs and play the guiter. The am-tryin-to-make-a-diff-in-the-world-guy.So hotttt.Headed to Asiacafe and had supper there.Chilled till bout 12:30 and then reahed home at 1.Relaxed with music and then the phone convo waz till bout 4.

Headed to my grandparents place in the mornin and it was the usual.Did a bit of shoppin at the mall and got super cute earings and a top.It was pretty much Retail therapy shoppin and I ate way too much as usual...Came home and was on the phone till bout 6 in the mornin.Yes it was record.A 5 hr phone convo!! Was dead that mornin and was super late.Came home slept,had lunch,was bout to sleep but he called and didnt wanna let me sleep but then I was sleepin on the phone and he had to go.So been pretty much chillin till now.

Skool's tomorrow.I better get some sleep!! Yes am still sleepy.*BAH*

"How did you get here?"
"We rode dolphins!"
-Friday'z Randomness-

Monday, March 12, 2007

Don't Wanna Trust

[Mood: Emo]
[Music: The Constantines - Soon Enough]


I'm slowly learning to be a dependant,
Cause deep within I know at the end of the day,
You're gonna be alone.
I'm still havin problems trusting,
Are those words true?
Or is it another phase your goin through?
I still have doubt,
A replacement of somethin you can't have.
Yeah those words still ring in my head,
It was really awkard that day,
I had so many other thoughts in my head,
But all of a sudden all this came back.
And I was chokin my tears,
I couldn't cry in public,
So I tried my best to push those thoughts away,
But it didn't really work,
Was it my intuition goin off the hook,
My heart tryin to send a message through,
I really don't want another heart break,
But I know what must be done,
Too much has been said and done,
The future seems bright,
But tryin to fit all this in doesn't seem to work,
I'm tired of being put down,
And gettin told that nothing I do is ever good enough,
Save me from this misery,
I'm tryin my best to be happy through it all,
But instead of makin me feel better,
You deprive me even more,
So much for wanting to see me smile,
You make me happy,
A repeated line,
From the heart,
But am not sure if its the same likewise,
Cause somehow am refusin to believe,
And I don't know why,
Maybe because am tired of being naive,
Maybe for once I wanna go with my intuition and
Not fall on my face,
Please,
NOT AGAIN.

Sunday, March 11, 2007

As The World Spins Madly On

[Mood: Tired]
[Music: The Weepies - World Spins Madly On]


My week has been the very usual kind with my spirit of hardworking-ness at its peak.I managed to finish a history book in a day and my parents were impressed.They went " Look if she wants to do it she can" sorta thing.Yea I sorta know that but I tend to be lazy to much. *BaH* Then there was the usual effin drama.The usual fight and make-up.Yeah I think am gettin use to this weekly thing darlinz.


At the end of the week we went on a class field-trip to the Curve.Had breakfast at Lotus and then we had a mall hunt there.That was pretty fun and now I know the whole layout of the curve.I got teamned up with Abel and I was surprised tht he was pretty smart(:P) We came out third I think.Had lunch at Secret Recipe...that was real good...I <3>
Had a really good time that day! The rest of the week was a bore.Will be startin skool soon.Excited bout that and dreading the work load at the same time.Will upload field trip pics soon!


She laid her heart and soul right in your hands,
And you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans,
She never even knew she had a choice,
And that’s what happens when the only voice,
She hears is telling her she can’t.
-Keith Urban's Stupid Boy-

Saturday, March 03, 2007

Out Goes Procrastinating!

[Mood: Excited]
[Music: Beyonce ft. Shakira - Beautiful Liar]


So skool has been fun and usually when I go back after a while I really miss it.Had a word with teacher tht day bout college and when am gonna graduate and all.Am hopping for this year so we'll see how it goes. If graduation is this year tht also means that I have to work fuckin hard.I guess I'll have to do tht.That may mean goin back to skool so that part am excited bout.My electives so far are computer literacy and language which maybe Spanish or German.Have to discuss that with dad.But personally I prefer Spanish,I think its sexy(:P)

I'm mostly probably doin computer science and maybe in Life cause of their twining program.My parents have given me a choice..either I do everything here at Sunway or go to Life and twin with Aussie.They're twined with University of South Australia.I've been to the campus at Adelaide,which isn't too bad.I like it.But I'll definately wanna go to Aussie.Its something I've alwayz Alwayz wanted to do.My dad wasn't too keen at first on me goin to Aussie but this time around my mum suprised me by tellin him to send me.She was like"Let her do it if she wants to.She's alwayz wanted that".P.S: My mum never wanted me to leave the country at all!

For the next few months its gonna be Hardwork..more Hardwork and Fuckin Extra Hardwork! I'll try to find Fun somewhere around there.And the word Procrastincating can't exist anymore!

"Didn't you F her Bf when you too were BFF's!"
-One Tree Hill-