Friday, November 23, 2007

Tears and Blood

[Mood: Dark]
[Music: The Rasmus - In The Shadows]



The never ending nightmare,
One that’s long and so real,
So true that she can actually feel the tears fallin down her faces,
These horrible feelings,
The heartbreak,
It’s suppose to be a lesson,
To appericate and never take for grated,


This dream is longer than expected or meant to be.
Reality is really much prettier,
She knows that,
She is happy with now,
She hates this nightmare,
In it she cries every nite with songs reading out her pain,

The unbearable heartache,
She cuts so that the pain would be visible,
How could everything so perfect ever became this,
Deep down she’s glad its all in her head,
And thats what that keeps her calm…..

All of a sudden she opens her eyes,
She sees the wet stained pillow,
The crimson stained blade,

The fresh scars on her wrists,
Lookin around its exactly like her nightmare,
It was real,

The Tears...Blood...Pain...Scars..

Loosing it she screams,
The bitter sound rings through her ears,
Choking she stammers,
Thoughts jugglin all around,
Her wrists bleeding,
She looks for answers....

The happiness the smiling,
It wasn't real,
Screamning and sobbin,
No one hears her,
How could this be?
It was perfect…the smiles,the laughter,
It was all meant to be,
The promises,
Those beautiful words,
Where has it all gone?
This can’t be…all those time spent and effort put it,
How could it have vanished in thin air?
She can’t believe she is really alone,
Who is goin to be by her side now?
Who is going to make her feel safe and chase away the darkness?
She’s crawling on the floor with her tears and blood stained hands,
This isn’t how it was suppose to be,
This wasn’t suppose to happen,…
How did it end up like this…
HOW

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Graduation...!!

[Mood:Happy]
[Music: Vitamin C - Graudation Song(Friends Forever)]






Seriously I can't believe I graduated..!!! The ceremony was last Sunday.Yetz another New Yr Resolution checked...*beams*..Been anticipatin for this for quite a while n I seriously doubted if I coul have done it..but am overjoyed!


Rushed back home after church..I had this major phobia tht I was gonna be late n all. Got all dressed up..I <3>
Left with Silas n Bryan..Silas drivin is effin cool..its a wander how he passed..n bryan has indeed NO need for speed!...LOL..reached denise's place n stoned.Had dinner n then had a couple of games..played shirade's mostly...then went to the pool..I wasnt sure if I wanted to go in but before I could make up my mind I got thrown in by ben lee n Vitzz..gosh!..it was soooo effin cold!!!...hanged there till bout 12:45..went back with eddy n nicolette by taxi..cause nicolette was soo afraid she was goin get grounded for life..lolz..the gf left early..vitz left the same time as me..it was real nice of eddy to leave us back..I tried to sneak in but my "superb" guard dog wake everyone up!!!...*ish*..Vitz smsed just to check if I was safely home...thankz dear!!...:)...guess he didnt trust eddy(:P).....I was soo tired n my hands were numb cause of the pool...slept aroun 2 somethin n woke up at 1 in the afternoon the next day..haha...


Graduation was seriously great n I had a good time with my darlinz!..N usin this excuse I got loadz of gifts as well!!..haha..Collected piccys from everyone so check out the slide show..!


L.O.V.E

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Randomness At Its Highest Level

[Mood: Tired]
[Music: Believe Me - Fort Minor]


I woke up aroun 8 somethin on a Saturday!!!


Dont ask why....


Where have the cute guyz gone to?


They've all left to mars...*bah*...I so knew it..!!


I've been wakin up at weird hours lately...I sleep aroun 1 or 2 and then wake up at 4 and cant fall back to sleep..


I took my muscle relaxant the other nite as a sorta "sleepin pill" and it worked!!


I only have one more left...*snifflez*...I soooo want more of those...it tells my brain to shut up when it goes on wild and helps me get a good nit3z rest...


My week has been quiet and I cant remember what the hell I did...


My aunt came back from Langkawi which a whole bunch of Hersheys!...I'm joyous...


Graduation is less than 24 hrs away...!!!!!!!!


*SquELz*


I'm gonna go paint my nails...BLACK

Friday, November 02, 2007

Holdin It All In

[Mood: Deep Thought]
[Music: Nada Surf - Alwayz Love]

Instinct: a natural or inherent aptitude, impulse, or capacity

My instinct has been right 98% of the time.I've realized through time that I have one hell of a rockin intuition but when it comes to something I don't wanna hear...I shut it up and shove my it in a corner.And it sits there in silence but through the silence I know its dying to scream words to help me avoid getting hurt or disappointed. Maybe I do so cause I like the tiny little hope bubble lurking around from time to time. This isn't the first time this happened.It happened bout 5 times!!..Yes I know its lame but I've been counting.Happened a lot in my previous relationship...*bah*...Instinct is seriously a fckin cool feature we have as humans.It's always fascinated me the way it knows tht the wind is bringing in something unfortunate with it.Its wonderful how its built in and just knows the future..! It knows things that are gonna be wrong or right for you. Sometimes I wished I listened it more...n deep down sometimes I wish it predicted more wrongly on things tht right...at least I would smile more...

Lately its been plain hard to just be happy...I've been strugglin with tht lately...actually not just now but for the last few months..I cant seem to find the good things anymore...its like they've evaporated in thin air...like it was never there in the first place..I feel like am lookin for a needle in the haystack....There are still dayz where I cry myself to sleep because its confortin...I'm tryin to be strong for me but there are just those dayz tht throw me on the ground so hard tht I bleed all over again....Those are the unbearable dayz.....And there are times as the rain slowly comes to a halt tht I find tht little ray of light and hope softly whispers in my ear....
..."Just a lil bit longer"....