Showing posts with label Writing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Writing. Show all posts

Thursday, October 02, 2008

The Scars

[AFI - Prelude12/21]





In the wake of the darkness,
She finds herself again,
With all that has hurt her and those bitter memoirs,
She’s unwilling to forgive and let through,
All that anger holds her together,
That strength that doesn’t show lingers within,
In its own corner deep,
She can’t find it now,
And hasn’t been able to for a while now,
She doesn’t understand,
It doesn’t makes sense,
Nothing has and nothing will,
Crawling around finding for the light,
She senses it but nowhere to be found,
But the blade is nearby,
She’s constantly found it,
It has been her best friend for a while now,
The crimson stains on it reminds her of the worst days,
Just like the one today,
The scars have slowly began to fade but still bare its mark,
Her wrist are covered with them,
Each cut havin its own story,
No one knows this gurl,
She doesn’t ever show herself to the rest of the world,
For to the others,
She’s an ordinary teenager,
Having it all,
Livin the life,
The dream,
The idea of perfection.
This girl hopes to be found one day,
By someone,
Anyone,

As she softly but slowly slides the blade across her pale white skin,
Her tears seem to get heavier,
She watches the drops of blood hit the floor,
With each drop, she prays for better days,
For hope
For love,
For peace,
Mostly for peace with herself,
Laying the blade by her side,
The tears and blood are just another one of those dayz going by,
The unbearable kind.


She softly runs her delicate fingers across her new fresh scar,
Knowing its story is yet to be revealed.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Vulnerability

[Music: Leona Lewis - Here I Am]


Vulnerable: Capable of being emotionally and physically wounded ( Meriam-Webster)

Sometimes without realization we put ourselves into such vulnerable positions.We think that by putting ourselves out there that another would understand our past and help us through the future.Secretly hoping that they do not take advantage of it all,knowing all the emotionally weakness and soft points that we carry deep within; revealing only to those that has given us a sense of secruity.

Without realization we show our care and love to another in our on little ways.Most of time without the another knowing the meanings of these little gestures and there are the rare occasion where we speak out our emotions just so its our there and its presence is made known.

Putting oneself out there selflessly is an act of courage and strength that not many possess.Maybe cause of past experiences or a remaining scar that we refuse to let another into our lives.We may have our reasons,nevertheless there are moments where a ray of hope shine's through and there's that tiny voice that rings in your head saying "maybe just maybe it will be different this time" and at times we let that voice get through our screaming consciuous.

This risk can turn out to be a start of something wonderful or it could be what your conscious was killing you about.But then there are the callous people.The most cruel of sort.The kind that is subtle at first and just when you have faith over the top,they push you of the cliff and leave you to fall face first.That's the kind that hurt the most and your couscious takes over from here, killing you about your doltishness.That's the kind that mixes anger and fustration and pain,balling up into this bitterness that you carry along with you till the day you decide to forgive and let go.

I've put myself in situations like this quite a few times but the most recent was totally unexpected.At first I was just plainly so mad..truly I've never been so angry at a person before..I think it was mostly fustration and disappointment.Just a huge percentage of it Disappointment though.But I'm takin it all in and sorting it out in my own way,this time without anger getting in and taking over.Personally anger just kills you and it's the one thing that I never wanna kept within and hold on to.So am letting it all go and taking it as another lesson learned the hard wayy...

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Wandered

[Mood: Faber Drive - Tongue Tied]

Some scars can be worn as a lesson,


And some scars can be worn as pride,


It’s up to you the way you take it....

Thursday, February 14, 2008

I'll Be Wearin These Scars For Everyone To See

[Music: My Chemical Romance - Drowning Lessons]



Cut Me Open n I...

Keep Bleeding,

Keep, Keep Bleendin Love,

Keep Bleedin,

Keep,Keep Bleedin Love...




Thursday, January 31, 2008

In Memory of Heath Ledger

[Mood: Thoughtful]
[Music: Michelle Featherstone - God Bless The Child]

I found out bout the death of Heath Ledger on the radio.It's just real sad isnt it.I mean am not a huge fan or anything but he was a good actor n kinda cute.Yet to watch Brokeback Mountain though.He was real young,27 if am not mistaking.N just started a family.It's not a confirmed suicide but I read that he couldnt sleep at all before he died.Like he was constantly tired.He would be at clubs at 3 in the morning and play chess in the park till bout 6.He told a magazine that his mind couldn't rest,that it was alwayz on full speed.

That seems to be pretty usual these dayz.Ppl are lacking peace of mind and spirit.So they decide to completely rest their soul.I think havin peace of mind is a gift and privilage that not all posseses.It's one of those few that can deal with problems,anxiety n all those thoughts that are goin wild in their heads.Some can withstand but some simply give up.

I guess we have a choice to potray strength or to simply show off our weekness.To push on a lil further or just to end it all in a blink of an eye.It's a huge tragedy when the young n those pouring with life decide to simply be blind and give up.



Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Down The Path

[Mood: Emo]
[Music: Ben Lee - Ripe]


Walking down the path of memories,
Carryin so much tht meant the world to her,
She stares at the path ahead of her and wanders what stands,
Fear mixed with anxiety n a tiny bit of excitment seems to be tangled all together
She stares at all the smilin faces and laughs,
And wanders how real could they be?
Are they just as fake as hers?
Just to keep away the dark stares and undesired questions,
Closin her eyes she imagines herself back where she was,
Where all that was in her was real,
Those feelings and joy,
Where burdens didn't exist and there was a safer place always nearby,
Smilin slowly she feels those tiny drops of tears trinkle down her face,
The world was a cruel place and she knew that oh to well,
But she 's seen the better place,
The safer n sweeter place,
And that pain that lingered,
It was the cause of the a broken heart,
And a hopeless soul.

Monday, December 31, 2007

The Year That Was

[Mood: Thoughtful]
[Music: Leona Lewis - Bleeding Love]

It's New Year's Eve and am in reminscing mode.I can't believe a year has passed by ever so fast.It seems like I just celebrated the New Year of 07.

This year I would say has been a very educational year for me.I've learned sooo much and grown.And the whole process has not been easy on me.I mean I've gone through everything from depression to a break down.Lost myself along the way and cried a river.But am grateful for it all in a way.

My challenges started from June onwards.Startin with the break up and all.That was my lowest point this year.But am grateful for the endless support from the people I love.And I've learned to lean on myself sometimes.Guess emotional independence kicked in this year.I learned tht ppl dont change no matter how much you sacrifce n give.They are who they are.They may put this temporary mask for a while but the deep down the core never changes.Also I found out tht good things don't come immediately after a bad thing...sometimes horrible things come after bad things just to see how you withstand.I was put through tht as well.For a while I kinda lost hope on good things as well...I'm hopin to find tht this new year.


I learned tht ppl aren't always wht they seem.Even the closest fren can feel differently for you and only show one side of how they feel for you.Sometimes frenship is just a one side thing and *frenz forver* doesnt really mean forver.But I learned tht the phrase "Life doesn't give you the people you want. it gives you the people you need to help you, to hurt you, to love you, to leave you; to make you into the person you were meant to be" is sooo true.I guess these ppl were sent to me to make me who I am today.

Resolutions I've completed this yr:

1.Study Really Really Hard(Diddn't feel like it though..hehe0
2.Graduate!!(I can't believe I did it)
3.Makin a Difference In Someone's Life(A person told me this..I was sooo touched by it)

Well I'm proud I accoplished a couple of things this yr.It was been a crazy roller coaster ride.Well I know it's gonna be a start of a new adventure from here on.

~Life’s challenges are not supposed to paralyze you,They're supposed to help you discover who you are~

Monday, December 17, 2007

The Continous Storm

[Mood: Upset]
[Music: I'm Not Okay - My Chemical Romance]

I have no idea what is it.The rain clouds decided to bring along all its bad luck along or just plain bad karma I suppose....I think Ppl decided that I haven't been hurt enough already for this year.I'm tryin 2 put it all behind me and be happy with whats before me.But its not easy as it sounds..

First I had to deal with the whole I can't be frenz with you no longer cause we're different material wise.WTH! is that suppose 2 mean..I mean after all this years and after all we've been through.You cant just say tht and say you wanna stay away from me....U know the truth is I actually teared after hearin that.I mean we were sooo close.She was like a sister to me and it hurts like hell when you say shit like tht and the best part of it all is tht u sound so cool with it.One fine day you say "u know why I dont sms u much anymore thts cause we're different"And when asked wht kinda difference,you giv me bullshit answers.And wht do u expect me say..."Oh yea cool..so Goodbye n cya"....Am not kinda person!I cant get ppl outta my life just like tht...especially someone so close.But here's the truth and as hard as it is for me I know its the way it should be ..if I didnt mean as much to you as you did 2 me..And our friendship didnt matter one single bit to you...You so damn well dont deserve my friendship!


And when that's done with...Then there's the "I think its cool 2 say something to everyone cause I know it will hurt you" crap.Its really amazing how a person can look and seem so very kind and decent on the outside and be so cruel and cold deep down.I somehow knew you weren't a nice person but then there I went again refusin to listen to my concious...*sheesh*.....I was really hurt.Why would a person do such a thing? How can a person be so cruel? Do you really lack tht much braincells!! I was really shocked,hurt and super mad at the same time.Well first I just sat in a daydream..ventin out the shock for a while and then the hurt poured out and finally the mad kicked in along with a whole lot of screamin along with it...the worst part of it all...*jeng jeng*...I hav to see this person soon enough!!...*bah*..gosh do I feel like drivin a bullet through his head!..I know it sounds effin violent but I really cant help it...Am mad and hurt at the same time!


It's been one thing after the other constantly lately.But I'm learnin to accept tht bad things happen and sometimes all at once and you have to learn to accept them and just try your best get past them all.You can't sit and mop bout it nor can you sit and curse at the world.All you can do is suck it all in,learn from them and move on.And thats exactly wht am doin....!

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Enchanted

[Mood: Dreamy]
[Music:Ever Ever After - Carrie Underwood]

He has shiny blonde hair and striking blue eyes.He mets you and you realize you hav so much in common...He whisks you away into the sunset and you live...HAPPILY EVER AFTER..!

We were practically fed with this kinda stories as a kid.Mostly thankz to Disney...and in our minds there was this picture..when the time was right..they will be a happy ever after.But as we got older...all of a sudden reality hits and u experience heartache,pain and disappointments...n u realize after a while there isnt such a thing as a happily ever after...all those stories were a mere illusion that we were suppose to keep or aim for but its near to impossible in the world these dayz.

Watchin Enchanted made me come up with this thought.I havent watched this kinda flicks for a looongest of time now.Now at 17,I realized how beautiful that dream seemed.Now its something you know will happen if the stars are in perfect alignment,fate lovez u and a shooting star falls at your feet...haha...ok so maybe am overexaggerating but you really cant blame me.I've seen too many heartbreaks,isappointments and cried myself to sleep wayy too many times...tht beautiful picture seems kinda impossible to me lately..*bah*..

Well watching tht flick kinda made me smile for tht moment.I realized how I use to so assurinly know am gonna get my happily ever after..I guess thats wht disney does.It gives u hope and something to look forward 2....The movie wasa classic fairy tale with a pinch of the modern world.The songs wer cute and Patrick Dempsy made it wayyyy better.Gosh I have this gigantic crush on him!!!...His super cute!!!..The lead actress did a good work from the transformation from cartoon to real life as well..I really enjoyed the flick!..










Here's the reason why I wanted to watch Enchanted sooo much!!...Isn't he incredibly hottt!




Patrick Dempsey in Grey's Anatomy as Derek Shepherd



His sooooo SEXY!

Friday, November 23, 2007

Tears and Blood

[Mood: Dark]
[Music: The Rasmus - In The Shadows]



The never ending nightmare,
One that’s long and so real,
So true that she can actually feel the tears fallin down her faces,
These horrible feelings,
The heartbreak,
It’s suppose to be a lesson,
To appericate and never take for grated,


This dream is longer than expected or meant to be.
Reality is really much prettier,
She knows that,
She is happy with now,
She hates this nightmare,
In it she cries every nite with songs reading out her pain,

The unbearable heartache,
She cuts so that the pain would be visible,
How could everything so perfect ever became this,
Deep down she’s glad its all in her head,
And thats what that keeps her calm…..

All of a sudden she opens her eyes,
She sees the wet stained pillow,
The crimson stained blade,

The fresh scars on her wrists,
Lookin around its exactly like her nightmare,
It was real,

The Tears...Blood...Pain...Scars..

Loosing it she screams,
The bitter sound rings through her ears,
Choking she stammers,
Thoughts jugglin all around,
Her wrists bleeding,
She looks for answers....

The happiness the smiling,
It wasn't real,
Screamning and sobbin,
No one hears her,
How could this be?
It was perfect…the smiles,the laughter,
It was all meant to be,
The promises,
Those beautiful words,
Where has it all gone?
This can’t be…all those time spent and effort put it,
How could it have vanished in thin air?
She can’t believe she is really alone,
Who is goin to be by her side now?
Who is going to make her feel safe and chase away the darkness?
She’s crawling on the floor with her tears and blood stained hands,
This isn’t how it was suppose to be,
This wasn’t suppose to happen,…
How did it end up like this…
HOW

Friday, November 02, 2007

Holdin It All In

[Mood: Deep Thought]
[Music: Nada Surf - Alwayz Love]

Instinct: a natural or inherent aptitude, impulse, or capacity

My instinct has been right 98% of the time.I've realized through time that I have one hell of a rockin intuition but when it comes to something I don't wanna hear...I shut it up and shove my it in a corner.And it sits there in silence but through the silence I know its dying to scream words to help me avoid getting hurt or disappointed. Maybe I do so cause I like the tiny little hope bubble lurking around from time to time. This isn't the first time this happened.It happened bout 5 times!!..Yes I know its lame but I've been counting.Happened a lot in my previous relationship...*bah*...Instinct is seriously a fckin cool feature we have as humans.It's always fascinated me the way it knows tht the wind is bringing in something unfortunate with it.Its wonderful how its built in and just knows the future..! It knows things that are gonna be wrong or right for you. Sometimes I wished I listened it more...n deep down sometimes I wish it predicted more wrongly on things tht right...at least I would smile more...

Lately its been plain hard to just be happy...I've been strugglin with tht lately...actually not just now but for the last few months..I cant seem to find the good things anymore...its like they've evaporated in thin air...like it was never there in the first place..I feel like am lookin for a needle in the haystack....There are still dayz where I cry myself to sleep because its confortin...I'm tryin to be strong for me but there are just those dayz tht throw me on the ground so hard tht I bleed all over again....Those are the unbearable dayz.....And there are times as the rain slowly comes to a halt tht I find tht little ray of light and hope softly whispers in my ear....
..."Just a lil bit longer"....