As Time Passes Me By

[Mood: Laid Back]
[Music: Goo Goo Dolls - Here Is Gone]

It has been sorta laid back lately and you could say I've been on vaca.Wakin up at noon n chillin out.Hangin on the phone a lot, thinkin too much n a bit of studyin when the boredness get to me.

Went to Ikano the other day.I lovee tht place.The displays are soo pretty n I've already picked my bed n some bedroom decorative for my new room.I'm definately gonna hav that hangin curtain thing on my bed.The pole's with the curtain hangin from them. It's gonna be in the red n black theme. Had lunch there...they have one of the best coffees around btw!

Parents came back on Tuesday with every kind of chocolate you can think off but Hershey!! I was super pissed till Kc reminded me they went to Aussie n Heshey is a product of the U.S!!...*sheesh*...yes am blur on most occasions. They got me some stuff from Giordano.It was real cute tops. Oh n I ever so smartly asked for licorice n it tastes absolutely AwFuL.Bluek! N thank goodness mum remembered my gummi bears.Though they're not exactly bear shaped...haha

Kc was tellin me bout the fireworks competition on Wed.So we decided to go check it out.It was real good. The whole sky was lite up n it was super pretty... It was Australia's team that day. I felt like a lil gurl again.Gosh do I miss those dayz.

We're goin again tonite casue my parents found it ever so facinatin.I'll go check with the gf if she's goin as well.Off to check out Newport Harbor n catch up on The Hills.

Cioz!

I Never Will; Never Again!

[Mood: Thoughtful]

[Music: Katherine McPhee - Over It]

Never Again Will I hear You

Never Again Will I Miss You

Never Again Will I fall To You

Never

Never Again Will I Kiss You

Never Again Will I Want To

Never Again will I love you

Never

Nobody Believes Me When I Tell Them You're Outta Your Mind

[Mood: Pissed Off/Fustrated]
[Mood: Hilary Duff - Stranger]

I utterly refused to believe anyone.I thought my intuition new better and my heart knew the terriotory it was going to go through.I'm the kind of gurl that doesn't really listen to other people's insticts.I seem to like learning the freakin hard.Yes am very stubborn in nature.So therefore I jumped into one of my predictions. Today I learned something to new about that "so called perfect prediction".More hurtful thingz seem to be added to the bleeding scar.Absoloutely Perfect.I just found out the truth bout certain thingz.Unconsiously I looked through and bumped into this.Maybe somehow I was meant to find out.Gosh was I effin blind!!!!...I knew it all along but trust.Trust is what killed my insticts.Solid,rock hard trust! The kind that cannot be moved even with most utterly obvious proof.

Oh how was I soo wrong darlin!
Just like all your kind.Seemed great but not so great after all.I just never so it comin,now this explains all the disasters that happened one after the other.And here I was all cheery n happy.Thinkin its a dream come true and even through all the mess; Patience carried me through.There's really no more tears to cry.Yes it did hurt like hell but then my heart just said..."you knew its comin".Guess it was just a matter of time.It just seemed to darn perfect anywayz.

This whole thing is gonna take a really long healing process.It has messed me up big time.I've lost myself along the way and its back to the roots from here.I'm never gonna trust so easily again thats for sure.I'm never gonna open up like I did and became so vunerable.Definately am gonna be soo much more cautious.

It's Gonna Be Down A New Road From Here

I Don't Blame You For Being You But You Can't Blame Me For Damn Right Hatin it

[Mood: Confused]
[Music: Ashley Angel Parker - Let U Go]

Was watchin this flick a few dayz back and I realized something.Being in love in a relationship just isn't enough.You should be compatible and have at least a little similar character traits. If the other person is the TOTAL oppossite of the other.Than theres bound to be trouble.If there's loadz of love but uncompromisable principles.It's better to just let go.That's the best thing to do even if it hurtz like hell....time alwayz heals it all anywayz.I was readin Seventeen the other day that its best you take the amount of years of your relationship and put into months.It'll be the right amount of time for you to heal.Well that's what the experts say anywayz...

I have this crazy urge to walk to the middle of the street and scream at the top my lungs.Mostly curses..bet that will bring some sorta satisfaction.I fuckin need to scream!! Or maybe I need rain and music.I alwayz thought tht would work..never actually tried it though.The only problem is finding a water proof music player...*sheesh*....I do not feel so sane at this moment.The need to do something drastic is strong...thts alwayz bad.I'm startin to hate a few things rite about now.

I need to talk to someone soon.I'm really losin it...!!

The Reunion Weekend..!

[Mood: Bored]
[Music: Lil Mama - Lipgloss]

After 2 months I finally had a good time with my besties and some frenz.This was a very needed outing n was totally unplanned.

On Saturday I invited Kc to go to City Harvest n well eddy invited himself along.So I went to Daniel's place n we went to get them n went to church.Reached there late and the place was packed.Thank Goodness we got sittin n John decided to join...I was suprised he came to church on Saturdayz but the guy had a hidden agenda..I sooo knew it!!..haha..We left early cause it was already 8 somethin.We headed to pyramid cause Daniel needed to get somthin done to his hardrive.We ate at Mcd's cause everywhere else was super packed.Then we decided to drop at Ken's party.Wantin to crash in style cause the party was suppose to be for 5 to 10...n it was already 9:30.....we went to the supermarket to get Vodka and thankz to the stupid rules they have there, they close the alchohal section at 9.How the hell do they expect to sell alcohol tht way????....Ppl dont usually get their alcohol so early..*bah*...so we headed to Ken's and made a pit stop at 7 eleven to get beer.We nearly left Daniel's bro there..haha...n we were super noisy n seriously Daniel's bro is peverted in way...will not go into details ya..lol.

Got to the party n Ken was gettin outta the house with a water balloon..apparently they wanted to hit us when we arrived bu failed to..Thank God!....So vitz comes out as well and me n kc were already squellin.It was such a nice reunion!!! I seriously missed Vitz n he was whinin bout how he hasnt seen me in 2 months n we have to catch up on 2 months of huggin...haha...we hanged at the party for 10 minutes n then decided to chill at Asiacafe and some of the guyz wanted to 24 there.Everyone left with us n we were goin crazy in the car..blastin music n goin crazy.Got parkin super fast which is a miracle at tht hour at tht area.We went to check out the CC n found Bryan,Nicki n his bf there.Nicki was totally showin off his eyelids n how pretty there were.They do look pretty cool...So we chilled n drank.Then we had to leave at 12 so shared hugz n goodbyez n headed home.Daniel was such a sweetheart to chauffeur us around all nite.

I had a fuckin good time and I bet its gonna be more of this since am gonna go there on Saturdayz tht am free n Kc agreed to this as well.N maybe we could met up with Vitz after tht.It was fun...

Well my parents just left to Aussie n am already bored!!..*bah*...Oh yeah rachey got picked for NS so am freaked out now! I hope I dont get picked cause am in no shape for outdoor activities n I hate livin in the freakin forest!! I will not survive even for a week....thts for sure...*sheesh*....well am gonna catch up on Grey's Anatomy before the new season starts....Am finishin Season 2 up and startin Season 3...I plan to finish it up by this week..Hopefully!

Frozen

[Mood: Sad]
[Music: Within Temptation - Frozen]

I can’t feel my senses

I just feel the cold

All colors seem to fade away

I can’t reach my soul

I would stop running,

If knew there was a chance

It tears me apart to sacrifice it all but I’m forced to let go

Tell me I’m frozen but what can I do?

Can’t tell the reasons I did it for you

When lies turn into truth I sacrificed for you

You say that I’m frozen but what can I do?

I can feel your sorrow

You won’t forgive me,but I know you’ll be all right

It tears me apart that you will never know but I have to let go

Everything will slip way

Shattered peaces will remain

When memories fade into emptiness

Only time will tell its tale

If it all has been in vain

I can’t feel my senses

I just feel the cold

Frozen...But what can I do ?

Frozen...Tell me I’m frozen but what can I do?

Can’t tell the reasons I did it for you

When lies turn into truth I sacrificed for you

You say that I’m frozen,

Frozen...

She Drowns Herself Into The Music Just So She Can Escape This Reality

[Mood: Inspirational]
[Music: Fall Out Boy - The Take Over,The Breaks Over]

Attention center stage ! ! !
We got a suicidal star.
Another tragic case;;
No more than a broken heart

Whenever I watch romantic movies, witness couples kiss and make-up, listen to love songs --
I smile and feel good because I know that love still works,
If not for me, at least to others.

I'm the kind of girl that falls into her music
Dives into a scene
And runs away from love

Life doesn't give you the people you want.
It gives you the people you need to help you, to hurt you, to love you, to leave you & to make you into the person you were meant to be.

"I wish it could just be simple,
Like a retro pop song. 'I want you to want me.' BOOM. End of story.
We all want to live happily ever after.
But its never really like that, is it?"
[John Tucker Must Die]

Everything happens for a reason.
People change so you learn to let go.
Things go wrong so you appreciate when things are right.
You hear lies to learn to trust yourself.
& Good things fall apart so that Better things can fall into place.

As Time Goes By

[Mood: Lazy]
[Music: James Blunt - 1973]

My weekend has been quite decent.Nothin much has happened and I think I'm letting time heal it all and am giving myself some slack.I'm letting myself breathe and start enjoying life a little here and there.

Friday was spent watchin tv all day.....I watched "Sisterhood of Traveling Pants"....Its a seriesly nice story and yes it made me tear a lil...when it comes to gurlie movie like this it makez me tear n shit...*bah*....I was super emo all day and I spent the whole afternoon drownin in tears and ended up with a killer headache.Took a panadol n slept n then definately helped the headache and the depression mood. Went for prayer meetin at nite and then a total pig out session after tht.That was fun.

Saturday...well I have no idea what the hell I did but it went by fast.I did a bit of work and practiced for church since I haven't played for like 3 weeks and I was so afraid I forgot how to play...haha..paronoid!Spent the rest of the day on the phone with gf.I felt so light hearted after tht.A good heart to heart talk alwayz does it!

Church was casual.A bit of drama but I think am pulling myself together pretty well.It's definately not easy but am gonna stand on my decision this time and am slowly feelin stronger as a person.Well thts tht...Went to Summit after tht..parents needed to get some stuff there and then had lunch.Came home and watched 'Monster-In Law".....hilarious yet very prediactable but it was enjoyable I would say.Oh and recently I've been hooked to "Ghost Whisperer".Jennifer Hewitt speaks to ghost and shows a whole lot of cleavage while doin so...haha...yea its a hott show but no thts not why I watch it though am seriesly considerin the possibility of switchin my preferences from guyz to gurlz but thts still in consideration...Chilled with music after tht and daydreamt a whole lot.That got my mind cleared.

A new week is about to begin and I so need to go on hardworkin mode.I plan to do 10 books this month and I think its highly possibly cause I seem to do more work than when I went to school.So I guess itz back to the books for now...

She misses him& still cares so much
But it just doesn’t feel RiGhT [Anymore.]

Faith!!...Where Are You?

I'm trying to make the best of it all.The situation and the misery.Everything happens for a reason and am a huge believer of that.Sometimes we don't understand things and we may not see the real truth behind it all but I know my heart knows me best.I'm trying to be happy but my heart is punishing me.Maybe I don't deserve to be happy and am so afraid of karma.

There has to be something out there to make me feel alive again.Cause nothing seems good enough to look forward to. I'm feeling more lost than ever at this time.This time given to me and situation at hand maybe a road of self discovery.Oh maybe thats what I want to believe.

Currently my music is my refuge.I may seem ok at one moment and the next am soaking my pillow with my tears.I think its a breakdown or a turning point.Whatever it is,its driving me crazy.My brain doesnt seem to wanna shut up and I havent had proper sleep for ages now.I wake up at nite with awful thoughts and I stare at the ceiling praying to fall back to sleep.I can't seem to talk this out cause it maybe misunderstood.

Well I'm gonna try to fight through it all and find strength somewhere along the way.
Oh faith where are you when I need you the most!

As The Darkness Linger

[Mood: Misreable]
[Music: Carrie Underwood - So Small]

The dayz have been lonely,
I don't know what I believe in anymore,
Somedayz I just wanna lay down n die,
On a search for my principals,
And readjusting those unbelieable ones,
Will I ever smile again?
Will I ever know what joy means?
My tears are my best friend,
But this is what I wanted and the consequences I will face,
It may take years,
But what is said n done come outta me,
Lonely dayz,
Hearts bleeding,
Purposes gone,
Is this what we're in this world for,
To love,get heart broken and bleed to death,
I don't seem to have any answers right now,
But I feel my loneliness will take me a long way,
This is what I've alwayz feared,
But I'm facing in everyday,
The truth is...At the end of the day...You're alone.

A million people maybe by your side,
But when the sun goes down and the dayz excitement fads,
Misery and sadness is your company,
They're mine anyway,
Mornings are meaningless,
And my nights are filled with tears,
Someday hope will find its way back into my life,
Thats what I believe in,
The question is....
When?

Big Girls Don't Cry

[Mood: Thoughtful]
[Music: Big Girls Don't Cry - Fergie]

The endless tale...well more like the endless drama.I think this is finally my stop and off i go.It's been really hard on me for the last 2 months.A crazy emotional rollar coaster n huge decisions had to be made.I guess that comes along being 17.You have to be mature n take responsibilities and just know whats right for you

So I've had made my decision and it's over now.It would have been a year and half offically today not counting the additional 2 yrs of courting.I wouldn't say it's been super easy on me lately n no am totally enjoyin the new found freedom you would say.It's not been an easy decision but after much thought n consideration I've come to this conclusion.It's for the best on both parties n I know its gonna be another emotinal turmoil from here but what has to be done is done.I don't regret anything or have hard feelings.I've learned so much in the last 3 yrs n have experienced life's most beautiful gifts.I've grown so much as a person n I'm who I am today cause of it all.This huge decision is me just being a big girl now.

The reasons behind this decision is hard to explain but this is where my heart is leading me.I never meant to hurt you or use you.It's just the way Nelly Furtado puts it...Flames to dust...Lovers to Frenz....All good things come to an end.Definately a sad ending to another teenage love tale.Like I've said to you before your first love never usually works out.I think its some sorta curse that's been around for a while.

Each day is an adventure am embracing.This is life and everything happens for a reason.Well am off on another journey down this windy road.I'm ready to stand on my own now and I feel stronger than ever.Another experience added to my book.

I hope you know,
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
The path that I'm walking I must go alone
I must take the baby steps 'til I'm full grown,
Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they?
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay

I've found Out That Music does Indeed heal the soul