Wanting To Bleed Away

[Mood: Depressed]

[Music: Linkin Park -Numb]

I'm just another one of thoes girls who laughs during phone calls

Forces herself to fake a smile everyday

And then collapse on her bed

And cries herself to sleep

With mascara running down her face;she is such a beautiful disgrace.

With the tears falling faster;she is such a beautiful disaster.

She loved you with all she could.

She made you her life.

She gave you her heart.

Only to have it all hoved back in her face.

Tonight my headphones
Will bring these songs of sorrow.

My sweet therapy.

You told me you loved me.
More than anything.
You said you would never hurt me.
You would never leave me.
Well
You know what dear?
All your promises turned out to be lies.

Just what we all need
More lies about a world that
Never was and never will be
You don't know how you've decieved me
(Evanescence.)

As my eyes open from their state of sleep,
I feel my blood turn into a frozen river.
Nightmares told me
Death was in the air.
A piece of me is gone forever.
Clutching memories held so close.
Repeating words of love spoken too late.

Lookin At The Sky

[Mood: Bored]
[Music: Good Charlotte - Misery]

I took this quizy.Seemed pretty intersting.Some of it is true>> Quiz Linkie{http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx}>>

Your view on yourself: You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for: You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship: You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love: You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education: Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you: You have many goals and want to achieve as much as you can. The jobs you enjoy are those that let you burn off your considerable excess energy.

How do you view success: You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of: You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self: You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

The Question

[Mood: Lame]
[Music: Hilary Duff - Happy]

Just when I thought we have reached a higher level,
You made a promise,
I was moved to tears by your words,
But I guess to easily yet again,
Vunerable,
Yea that's me right now,
I believed whole heartedly,
I don't get these phase,
Afraid to put my heart on the line again,
Can't bear to get hurt all over again,
I'm startin to question a lot lately,
The pain lingers,
But the tears don't seem to be on the outside,
So much has been said and done,
Yet its so easy for you to throw it all away,
These dayz I've been fighting so hard to keep you with me,
But am gettin drained,
You said you loved me,
The next second you just want me out of your life,
I don't wanna tie you down to me,
It's very unfair of me to do that,
Not wanting to be selfish,
But so afraid to get heartbroken,
Sittin by my favourite corner,
With my music and tears,
You tell me to trust you with my heart,
And am tryin,
But its so hard when I have no idea what you will do or say the very next moment,
I feel like running away,
Leavin all this behind,
But I know memories will never leave my soul,
I remember every detail of the times I've spent with you,
The way I looked at you,
The way you held me,
Everything means so much to me,
Is it the same for you?

What lies behind us & what lies before us
Are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.

Let The Record Play

[Mood: Lazy]
[Music: Good Charlotte - Broken Hearts Parade]

Am effin sore...Sports has never done me good my either life n I have no idea why I keep tryin..*sheesh*...my week has been long n I've been sorta slackin on skool work a lil.Can't help it if I fuckin hate math.N I have to do it up to grade 12....*BAH*...teacher asked that day if I really wanted 2 do computer science...n I was like I don't know...so he suggested an apptitude test...*sheesh*...all this career thing is soo effin complicated...

So I've been cravin for those Good Charlotte tickets, yet this turned out to be like the "Simple plan case".Seriously it turned out fuckin complicated n I just was sooo upset for the whole freakin weekend cause of it.I know you might be thinkin why am makin such a huge fuss over this but seriously when I started listenin 2 punk rock.I started out with GC n their lyrics really says a lot and what goes on around us.It just really deep stuff n music makes me world go round n shit..I just really wanted 2 go...fuck....I'll stop rabblin here....So Sunday came n it was very usual.I got my badminton racket..*beams with joy*...haha..came home super worn out.Pretty much chilled for the rest of the day.

Monday was tirin cause I slept at 5 the nite before...which is techinally mornin...but whatever.The first question I got tht mornin was "u went for Good Charlotte ar?" and I was like"*cursin under my breathe*...No!*.When I reached for assembly...a bunch of others came up to me with the same freakin question.Seriously by break I was tellin Vitz that if one more person came up 2 me with tht question,I would seriously SLIT THEIR THROAT!! Then he just had to ask...He came up 2 me the whole day greetin me with this "Hey my fren who didn't get to see GC" Thank God for my high patience level...haha...U know I love ya 2 much 2 slit ur throat darlin!!!....~XoXo

I woke up effin late this mornin n didnt go to skool.I slept for pretty much the whole day n just woke up.I'm blamin all the exercise! I have badminton 2 moro...*snifflez*...n am gonna go start joggin 2day! Wish me luck..I'm gonna need it! And no I didn't collapse durin my jog this mornin vitz!

This is for the girls who never won,who stay up all night listening to music that inspires them to do things next to impossible,
The girls that laugh, smile, cry, and think all on a daily basis,
The girls who like, learn, and regret;
The girls who may never have it easy.
The girls who learn the hard way,and live to tell about it.
The real girls.

Livin It Up Honey

And so it was Christine's farewell dinner/outing thing last friday.I mean I had one for her at my place on Wednesday.That was effin fun.Talked bout college,boyz,and gossiped like crazy..haha.I'm really gonna miss ya dearest!! We had a dinner for her at this buffet place in pyramid and gettin there after skool was an adventure on its own.Thank God shauny was drivin that day.So Shauny went to get Kc n while we waited for everyone,durin tht time Kc got my phone locked by tryin 2 set up the SIM password.So Shauny was a total sweetheart n dropped us at the DiGi center n went to leave Daniel at his place so he could change.While waiting we got Vitz to change his plan so we could get GC tickets but it seems you have to go to Times Square n shit...so he was like no wayz...hehe....we finally got the code n all...hanged at the TM Net center and camwhored..

Shauny picked us after tht,happy 2 have hanged in Daniel's room(inside gay joke)...headed to Pyramid and the gf and I were totally bimbo's in the car.Camwhorin even more and laughing our heads off...headed to the restaurant and met up with Esther...poor gurlie she was rottin there for hours...we had dinner but then Kc had to leave early..Christine arrived n we took a group piccy...I hanged for a while n he decided to pay me a suprise visit...Rachey arrived soon n I met up with her...I chilled with them a while but thingz started to get tensed at the table n also I needed transport to go home and Shauny's car was full so I followed him.

We were walked 2 Sunway college n it started raining.So we took a cab there n he sorta dragged me to some ACCA social event.Seriesly I've never felt so out of place before.Like am not even in freakin college yetz! So i sat there pretty much sulking n he got the idea.haha...Thank God his smart:p...so we hanged out at the foyer n he checked out my skool work...u know I think all this while his being thinkin when I say I'v got loadz to study that am sayin it 2 do somethin else.....*sheesh*....his reaction was ever so hilarious...he went "wow ur seriesly smart la" n all tht...yeah babe did u just realize tht!!..lolz...he left me back by taxi...real sweet of him...I reached home at bout 9 somethin n chilled on the phone till bout 1...

It waz definately a fun day n a total adventure.Shall post piccys.We totally camwhored!

Best FRIENDS:
know that you're slow,stupid, && mess around yet,
they still don't care about beeing [s e e n]with you in (p u b l i c)
Because they know they're idiots too<3

We Are Just Shadows

[Mood: Emo]
[Music: Anastasia ft. Ben Moody - Everything Burns]

Really everything around me seems so fuckin messed up rite now.

I think am slowly learning to rely on just me.

I'm afraid to trust or open up.

Think am gonna stick to being that way for a while.

So sick of crying and I think now I seem to cry out of confusion.

Tired of being let down and everything seem to be a freakin routine.

Feelin locked up and fighting so hard to find freedom,

Nothing seems right anymore,

When I think that am finally happy,

Its like I triger off some sorta force,

It shows that am wrong,

Yeah I feel like screamning,

Don't you know that this misery loves me?

Finding that out this tonite,

I hate this voice that keeps ringing in my head,

I wish it would just stop sometimes,

Wanting to hold your hand and to smile,

To know that I'll be alrite,

I want that secruity,

But I can't seem to find that,

I count the dayz,

Its alwayz precisely a week,

Been waiting for it to stop,

Doesn't seem to be happening anytime soon,

Yes I'm bleeding,

Sometimes it seems healed,

But soon enough it starts all over again and I can't seem to make it stop,

I really want it to stop,

Please make it stop

& it makes everything somuch harder, you know? It makes things harder

when you hold everything in.It's almost like I can't even

breathe without feeling like I shouldn't be.

To Inspire And Be Inspired

[Mood: Tired]
[Music: Dj Sammy - Heaven(remix)]

Lately I was told that I should stop being cold and actually show emotion.Stop livin in my own lil world and actually go through the time given at hand.I know.I've alwayz had a problem with that. Even when am so hurt by what was said, I just stand there with a meak smile and then much later I'll sit and ponder on why those words were said.I've alwayz been afraid to show emotion and I have no idea why. I'm guess am afraid to triger the wrong reaction or somethin. I alwayz seem to bottle up all my feelings and store them in a cupboard.React much later when am alone or somethin.But I know I have to stop doin that. Sometimes when I care so much, I may seem cold but I really don't mean to. It's my way of protecting myself you could say. Am sorry if I've been runnin away or avoiding you lately. You mean so much to me and have been my pillar of hope.Lettin me that I'm gonna be alrite when am afraid that I was gonna fall and disappoint. You've always let me know that being me is all that its gonna take to make it..nothing more and nothing less.Whenever I felt like I've falled short, you remind me of my roots and who am I deep inside.I love you. I hope you know that. My biggest inspiration you are. Smiling through it all everyday.My rolemodel.There are no words to describe how much you mean to me.I will make you proud.I really will.For I can never bear to disappoint you.Really can't...I care so much about you.You mean the world to me.And I hope you know that.For I'm gonna try to show you that everyday for now onwards.

I want power in my words,
I want passion in my eyes.
And when I wake up,
I want life to be a surprise

Hotter 17

[Mood: Happy]
[Music: Kelis - Milkshake]

So my 17th birthday has come and gone.It was a pretty casual one this yr and I spent it with my family and another celebration with him.I had dinner with the family the usual trado stuff.He decided to take me down to Sepang, n we ended up watchin F1 cars and eatin hershey.More like I ate the hershey. We chilled outz for pretty much the rest of the day.Oh and did I mention he allowed me drive again.He must really trust me with his life oh somethin cause I was spendin down the highway at 140mph.Definately fuckin thrillin! I had a great time and he got me the cutest stuffed tiger ever.I totally love it! His name is fluffy btw:P The orginal plan that day was to go to KLIA and watch planes but then we got diverted. I've alwayz wanted to check out the circuit anywayz so yeah it was cool.Thankz darlin! Muakz!

So Hotter 17.Slightly EmaL...I know but Yes I do feel older and I'm really gonna miss being sweet 16. It's alwayz been cool to say "yeah am sweet 16."Now its sorta like yeah yeah "Am Hotter 17"N then I get these odd stares..haha...So I think I've really learned in the last couple of yrs.I've had my fair share of fun,adventure,crazyness,wild dayz and drama.And this year seems to be leadin to a whole lot more of it.I'm excited for it all.I'm gonna embrace it n learn to get the best from it.Lately I've really been livin by this philosophy that "Everything happens for a reason" thing.It has been doin me good.

Kc and I were havin one of those "serious" convos that day.We realized that we've sorta passed through that "mid-teen" phase and thingz that seem oh so important then,didn't seem to big now.We realized that we've startin to grown up and responsibilities are kickin in. So many important decisions are yet to made.And these are not the minor ones,but decisions that could effect your entire life.College,courses to persue,principles,priorities and much more.I'm definately feelin the preassure.But I'm glad I have a great support system by my side.They really keep me goin.

Goin back to skool has been crazy and tirin.But I've offically quit procrastinating.*Extremely proud*

I'm gonna go wait for my phone to ring..

Loadz of Love

Here's To Broken Hearted

[Mood: Hurt]
[Music: The Funeral - Band of Horses]

Here's to all the girls who used to be his number one. The ones who waited all night for him to call, only to check the caller ID the next morning & be disappointed. The ones who made it through that bitter break up, dried your own tears, & moved on with your life, only to have him walk back in it months later like nothing ever happened. Those of you who cried on the first day you talked again because you knew exactly where this phone call was going. The ones who listened to him say, "I only want to be your friend", one day, and the next, listened to him say how much he loves & misses you. We deserve something, and this is our tribute. Here's to the ones that took him back, hoping that maybe this time, he was different, hoping that maybe people really do change. We listened to our friends tell us that we were stupid for even thinking about giving him another chance, caught crap from our parents, & even snuck around to see him for while. We went through the great stage with no fights all over again. We started this out thinking it would be just friends, & ended up falling in love with him again. We wanted nothing more in the world than to hear him tell us he loved us too, that even though things were bad in the past, they would be different this time. And when we finally heard it, it was like we were dreaming. This is for us. Here's to the ones who believed what he said, sat around all over again waiting for a phone call that might come in a few hours, or a few days. Here's for the tears cried and dried all over again. We wanted so desperately to believe that he was really busy, he couldn't possibly call us at that moment, or even that he fell asleep early. We trained ourselves to believe the lies because we wanted to believe we had found the one for us. We learned to settle for someone who didn't treat us the way we should be treated. Here's for the ones who did their hair and make up & put on their prettiest earrings, only to hear him say that he couldn't see us today. The ones who never believed it when people told us there might be someone else. We just couldn't believe that he could do this to us again. This is for those great girls who loved him more than words can say, & took him back no matter what happened last time because they couldn't bear to look back on their lives one day & wonder "what if". This is for the girls that stayed up all night long listening to him whine about an ex girlfriend who cheated on him, & cried during the entire conversation. The ones who hoped he would realize that he deserved better, that he deserved us. When he said that he loved you, but he was in love with her, he didn't mean it. This is for the ones that held on to something that was never there to begin with. This is for us girls, who somehow managed to get him to forget about her, & get him to tell us that he was in love with us again, only to have him tell us three weeks later that "things were going too fast, he needs time." Here's to the girls who couldn't cry to their friends because of how stupid they felt. The ones who held it all in when things came crumbling to pieces again. This is for the ones who couldn't bear to even tell their mom what was going on, for fear of an "I told you so." The ones that could just tell that they had made a mistake ever allowing him into their hearts & their dreams again. We knew that we deserved better the entire time, that we deserved a guy who would call when he said he was going to, one that would come see us whenever he got the chance, one that would really care about us. We just wanted the one that we loved like that. Here's for the ones that finally realized that he never gave a crap about them. Here's for the time that he broke your heart again. This is for those days spent trying to hold back the tears, & the tears that turned into anger, then disappointment. Here's for us girls who finally realized that we deserve better. This is for those confusing days, when you miss him & want nothing more than to hear his voice, or feel his arms around your waist. Stay strong and remember that relationships are like broken glass; sometimes it's better to leave it alone rather than try to put the pieces back together & get hurt. Remember the times you cried & how long it took you to even be able to look at another guy like that. When 'your song' comes on the radio, turn the station. When the day comes that he realizes what a mistake he made & tries calling, turn your phone off. When he tries coming to your house, don't answer the door. Think of the broken promises, and the lies, the manipulation & the tears, the wasted moments and staying up all night wondering where the crap he was. Think of how your heart used to jump when your phone would vibrate in the middle of the night & how it fell to your stomach when you saw it wasn't him, and realized that once again, he hadn't called when he said he was going to. One day you'll find a guy who's worth all the tears, but he won't make you cry. You may think that you'll never care about someone like you did that guy that you always ran back to, but you will. It's going to hurt like crap, & it's going to need time to heal, but the point is, it will heal. This is for those girls who fell back in love with their ex, only to get hurt all over again.

Livin A Day At A Time

[Mood: Worn Outz]
[Music: Bowling For Soup - When We Die]

So I've started skool and gettin back to the discipline is fuckin diffult.I've been sleepin a lot in class lately but teacher said he'd rather have us sleep then yack.Been crashin at 4 for the whole effin week and yes its the usual stuff.THE DRAMA!It's been goin on for the whole darn week but its sorta settled nowz or at least I hope it is.

Went out on Fri with Rachey and Vitz.Had a really good time with them.We had wafflez,looked for a birthday gift for bloop bloop and me.Yeah she wanted 2 get my hot underwear..hehe..and then we played pool and laughed a whole lot.Later Rachey's dad dropped us at the park .We had ice-cream and a serious heart to heart convo.It was cool.The event was fun.The bandz rocked and that hottie was there.OMG! Am so crushin on him.His really effin cute.I have a HUGE weakness for boyz tht write their own songs and play the guiter. The am-tryin-to-make-a-diff-in-the-world-guy.So hotttt.Headed to Asiacafe and had supper there.Chilled till bout 12:30 and then reahed home at 1.Relaxed with music and then the phone convo waz till bout 4.

Headed to my grandparents place in the mornin and it was the usual.Did a bit of shoppin at the mall and got super cute earings and a top.It was pretty much Retail therapy shoppin and I ate way too much as usual...Came home and was on the phone till bout 6 in the mornin.Yes it was record.A 5 hr phone convo!! Was dead that mornin and was super late.Came home slept,had lunch,was bout to sleep but he called and didnt wanna let me sleep but then I was sleepin on the phone and he had to go.So been pretty much chillin till now.

Skool's tomorrow.I better get some sleep!! Yes am still sleepy.*BAH*

"How did you get here?"
"We rode dolphins!"
-Friday'z Randomness-

Don't Wanna Trust

[Mood: Emo]
[Music: The Constantines - Soon Enough]

I'm slowly learning to be a dependant,
Cause deep within I know at the end of the day,
You're gonna be alone.
I'm still havin problems trusting,
Are those words true?
Or is it another phase your goin through?
I still have doubt,
A replacement of somethin you can't have.
Yeah those words still ring in my head,
It was really awkard that day,
I had so many other thoughts in my head,
But all of a sudden all this came back.
And I was chokin my tears,
I couldn't cry in public,
So I tried my best to push those thoughts away,
But it didn't really work,
Was it my intuition goin off the hook,
My heart tryin to send a message through,
I really don't want another heart break,
But I know what must be done,
Too much has been said and done,
The future seems bright,
But tryin to fit all this in doesn't seem to work,
I'm tired of being put down,
And gettin told that nothing I do is ever good enough,
Save me from this misery,
I'm tryin my best to be happy through it all,
But instead of makin me feel better,
You deprive me even more,
So much for wanting to see me smile,
You make me happy,
A repeated line,
From the heart,
But am not sure if its the same likewise,
Cause somehow am refusin to believe,
And I don't know why,
Maybe because am tired of being naive,
Maybe for once I wanna go with my intuition and
Not fall on my face,
Please,
NOT AGAIN.

As The World Spins Madly On

[Mood: Tired]
[Music: The Weepies - World Spins Madly On]

My week has been the very usual kind with my spirit of hardworking-ness at its peak.I managed to finish a history book in a day and my parents were impressed.They went " Look if she wants to do it she can" sorta thing.Yea I sorta know that but I tend to be lazy to much. *BaH* Then there was the usual effin drama.The usual fight and make-up.Yeah I think am gettin use to this weekly thing darlinz.

At the end of the week we went on a class field-trip to the Curve.Had breakfast at Lotus and then we had a mall hunt there.That was pretty fun and now I know the whole layout of the curve.I got teamned up with Abel and I was surprised tht he was pretty smart(:P) We came out third I think.Had lunch at Secret Recipe...that was real good...I <3>
Had a really good time that day! The rest of the week was a bore.Will be startin skool soon.Excited bout that and dreading the work load at the same time.Will upload field trip pics soon!

She laid her heart and soul right in your hands,
And you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans,
She never even knew she had a choice,
And that’s what happens when the only voice,
She hears is telling her she can’t.
-Keith Urban's Stupid Boy-

Out Goes Procrastinating!

[Mood: Excited]
[Music: Beyonce ft. Shakira - Beautiful Liar]

So skool has been fun and usually when I go back after a while I really miss it.Had a word with teacher tht day bout college and when am gonna graduate and all.Am hopping for this year so we'll see how it goes. If graduation is this year tht also means that I have to work fuckin hard.I guess I'll have to do tht.That may mean goin back to skool so that part am excited bout.My electives so far are computer literacy and language which maybe Spanish or German.Have to discuss that with dad.But personally I prefer Spanish,I think its sexy(:P)

I'm mostly probably doin computer science and maybe in Life cause of their twining program.My parents have given me a choice..either I do everything here at Sunway or go to Life and twin with Aussie.They're twined with University of South Australia.I've been to the campus at Adelaide,which isn't too bad.I like it.But I'll definately wanna go to Aussie.Its something I've alwayz Alwayz wanted to do.My dad wasn't too keen at first on me goin to Aussie but this time around my mum suprised me by tellin him to send me.She was like"Let her do it if she wants to.She's alwayz wanted that".P.S: My mum never wanted me to leave the country at all!

For the next few months its gonna be Hardwork..more Hardwork and Fuckin Extra Hardwork! I'll try to find Fun somewhere around there.And the word Procrastincating can't exist anymore!

"Didn't you F her Bf when you too were BFF's!"
-One Tree Hill-

Those Thoughts That Run Deep

[Mood: Broken]
[Music: Not Ready To Make Nice - Dixie Chicks]

My stereo is blasting;
My eyeliner is beginning to smear;
I can barely hear;
My tears are forming in the corner of my eyes,
So just shut up and let me slip.

I think part of the reason why we hold on to something so tight is because
we fear that something so great won't happen twice

I just wanna talk to you,
And my broken heart just has no use
And I, I guess promises are better left unsaid, yeah
Everytime you try to tell me
You say the words that im the only
But I'm the one who's crawling on the ground
When you say love makes the world go 'round
-Ashlee Simpson's Love Makes The World Go Round-

When I turn the lights out,
When I close my eyes,
Reality overcomes me,
I'm living a lie.
-Avril Lavigne's Together-

My heart is broken,
I'm lying here,
My thoughts are choking on you my dear.

It's Bout The Vacaz

[Mood: Bored]
[Music: Avril Lavigne - Girlfriend]

The family decided to have a picnic at Morib 2day.So yeah that means an early wake up call which am not very good at and gettin ready in 5 minutes is really no joke.The journey was effin to short.I do <3 long car rides.The place wasn't too pack and the wind was wonderful.But I realized my family is just don't do picnic.We kept movin the tent cause of the sun.My dad was yellin everytime there was sand near the food.And everyone else were pissed with the unwanted visitors aka bugz.LOL.But it was okies I guess..just spending time and talin bout random thingz.Everything from politics to the latest flick.It was fun.

Out trip to Penang was real good to.The part I enjoyed the most: THE FOOD! Seriesly Penang has the best food ever.You just gotta know the right place to go.The place has real cool architecture as well.There's restorations of old buildings everywhere.Did some shoppin here and there and just relaxed.I had a good time just piggin outz:P

It's been a good vaca darlinz.Time to hit the books again.
BAH!

P.S: Avril Lavigne has a new single called girlfriend.It's sounds poppy-punk.It talks bout how she WANTS to steal someone elses bf.The lyrics are sorta like PCD's Don't cha.Seems this dayz everyone wants to steal bf's.*sheesh*

"It's all in the game of L.O.V.E"

I Am Me

[Mood: Pondering]
[Music: Matthew Ryan - Return To Me]

I thought everything was perfect for once.That the feelin of content was true.The last few weeks seemed great but I felt I've been running away from it all.Deep down I felt the truth but denial was strong.Here's why we don't want the truth,it's because most of the time it suxs.Deep down I was still aching from it.I was still carrying the scars and I questioned all that I felt.At 2 in the mornin,with silence lingering in the air.I found myself again.After months of being lost in the darkness,I finally found my principles and desires.My dreams and hopes.I want them all over again but in the right path this time.

I guess ppl are sent at different moments of our lives for a purpose.Each one to impact us in their own way.I know now that I have to learn to depend on me more than ever.To learn to stand on my own and know that I'll be ok.The gf and I had a past an hour long phone convo.And we talked bout all the yrs we've spent together,what we wanted,what we've learnt and we realized at 17,you can't afford anymore screw ups.It's a time in your lifewhere you're old enough to better but you aren''t that young to not care.

I thought to myself that nite.I wanted to be this all my life and maybe I wanted to grow up too fast.But I have no regrets though.Yes I've made bad decisions but I believe every little detail in our life has its own lil purpose.The reason we get hurt and broken.Would we learn if there was no pain? Thats what I ask myself a lot.As I alwayz remind myself "Experience is a hard teacher, you get the test first and the lesson wayy later" and then you'll probably go "damn I wish I just listened in the first place".Yea ppl I've been down that road.

But at this moment in my life I'm gonna be me.I'm not gonna let the past aches and pain change the person I am.I'm gonna stay true to my principles and ideals in life.I'm tired of ppl judging as if they know it all.Sometimes even the ppl you think know you best has not the slightist clue of who you are.I guess thtat hurts sometimes cause you thought they'll alwayz be reliable.Right now all I know is the most reliable person is me.I am who am and your approval is not DESIRED or REQUIRED!

Another Valentine Goes By

[Mood: Cheery]
[Music: Faith Hill - Breathe]

I know I haven't updated in a while but I've been away on vaca and also too lazy to update.But since it's Valentines I thought I'll put something up.But I'll defiantely post bout my trip ASAP!

So went to skool 2day and there were frenz celebrating Single Awareness Day.Hitz was doin that this mornin and everyone picked it up.Lame I know but the single ppl just wanted something to celebrate bout.Vitz complained bout how he hasnt seen me in 2 weeks.I missed you too dear!!!Besides that we spent the day laughing at Nicki's lameness and Rachel's sacrasm.Gosh I love hanging with this ppl.Though it does gets disturbin once in a while.LOL.

So I have never been a big fan of Valentine's day.I mean I don't exactly hate the day but I don't adore it either.It just makes single ppl feel bad and another holiday to make money out of.We don't need a day to tell someone how we feel bout them,its something that should be done all the time.Cause you never know what tomorrow holds.I know am sounding totally anti-Valentine but I haven't had a great Valentines YETZ!So maybe that's the cause of this complain list...but I do strongly believe about telling someone they way you feel all the time.

So here's something I wrote:

You have no idea how you make me feel,
The things I feel when am in your arms,
I always knew we had something special,
And am ever so grateful we fought like hell for each other,
The way I can lay on your shoulder without a word said,
The way you look at me and I know I mean the world to you,
You listen to me when I need to be heard,
And you know those dayz when I need to hear something sweet,
I’ve always dreamt of this sorta teenage love,
I never would have guessed it would have been you,
Our late night conversations full of honesty and passion,
Our casual random day messages,
The way you pick on me just to see me smile,
I know its never been easy on us babe,
But its love that has brought us this far,
I know I can be hard to deal with sometimes,
But your patience and understanding has brought me a long way,
Your love has made me a better person,
I know sometimes I run away and hide,
But the thing is I’ve always been afraid,
Afraid to admit how much I care,
But you’ve thought me that its ok to admit how I feel,
You’re my biggest inspiration and always will be,
I love when you talk about how much you want me part of your future,
You really have your way of making me smile,
No one’s gonna understand our chemistry,
But they’re gonna know we’re crazy bout each other,
You make me very happy darling,
And everyone sees that,
I sparkle a lil more each day cause of you,
I love you baby boy,
Happy Valentine’s Day!

P.S: Happy Valentine's Day to everyone! Hope you have a speacial one with your frenz or loved one.Especially to my darlin frenz.I love you guyz to tiny tiny bitz!!! Muaxkz!

Meeting you was fate, Becoming your friend was a choice, But falling in love with you was beyond my control

[Mood: Excited]
[Music: Hellogoodbye -Here (In Your Arms)]

It's not like I've been busy lately or anything but I had wayy to much going on.I mean seriesly I had drama beyond the usual and I totally hate it when I get into a misunderstading with my closest frenz speacially when they're the ones you go to when everything else is messed up.So yeah you get the point.But the thing is everything has a miraclous way of fixin itself.And I finally saw some light today.

I had a wonderful time.It was our one year aniversary and I'm in awe cause time has passed by so fast and it seems like only a few months back that we went for our first date.We've had our share of ups and downs.Trust me ppl it has been one hell of a rollar coaster ride but if I had to do it all over again,I wouldn't change a single detail.Cause it has brought us where we are today.I love the way he makes me laugh and teases me just to see me smile.His really made my teenage years extra special.Our late conversations and hours online has alwayz been loadz of fun.I like the way I can be myself with him n argue with him bout the most of random thingz.No one has made me feel this way before and I think what we have is definately one of a kind.It's a mix of chemistry,passion and love.He makes me happy.Also the gift he got me totally moved me to tears.I was practically choking with my mouth literally open.I loved it darlin.It's soo beautiful.

We watched the Holiday,its a super sweet movie.Gotta get the dvd some time.So besides a great day with him,gf and I patched thingz up.Am sooooo glad for that and when I came back I got to hang on the phone with both my besties.That was definately a blast.An hour with each person.I heart phone convos!!

I really needed a day like this and am ever so grateful for it.Feelin totally worn outz now.His on the phone and he wants me to get off my lappie immediately....I L.O.V.E him!

When you're holding my hand,
I get the feeling that everything
is meant to be.
This way.
You and me

The City Lights Burn

[Mood: Emo-ing]
[Music: My Chemical Romance - I'm Not Okay(I Pomise)]

I'm tired of dropping my guard too fast,

Bleeding for something that refuses to last...

11:11 Is My Favorite Number, But It Has Yet To Show Me Why

[Mood: Upset]

[Music: Jimmy Eat World - May Angels Lead You In]

It’s those cold days that get to the soul,
It’s when those hurtful words run deep,
And scar the heart,
Tired of the pain,
Can’t seem to find the tears,
Wanting to be set free,
But held back by consequence of a regret,
So much for experience,
Thought the day was near,
But now it seems like eternity,
There’s so much a heart can take,
The memories are like a mixtape,
They play me to sleep,
Wanting to smile again,
But oh such horrible mistakes have been made,
It’s sad that we can’t take back time,
Would you please set me free?
Throw away this misery and make me laugh,
But don’t come too close,
I’d rather not have you near the heart,
This distance is good,
The loneliness does kill though,
My pride is broken,
All for the sake of love,
Vulnerable,
For far too long,
What wasted days,
Ignorance should have been born much before the time,
I was your miracle,
Its just sad that you didn’t see that,
I cherish the days we hoped,
And try to get rid of that bitterness,
But I rather be left out in the cold,
Then to drown in all this ache.