The Weekend

[Mood: Bored]

[Music: The Kill - 30 Seconds To Mars]

The weekend was good.I went for Altered Frequency's concert on Friday at City Harvest. Heard of the band before but never really knew their music.They were pretty good actually..like the hav the whole punkish rock thing goin on. Oh and I found out the drummer is my mum's cousin..haha...small world!...Went with Christine,Shauny,Peter,Daniel and sis. It started at 8 and finished at 10 something.After that we went mamakin at 5 bintang...am not really a fan of the place...Shauny drove there.He has this vintage music collection...lolz...it brings back memories..haha..I had nasi lemak and was chattin with Pete...his so cute la...hehe...finished around 12 somethin...n shauny dear drove us back....we were singin along to Matchbox's Unwell on the wayy backk...lolz...daniel just sat there all blur-ish...tht was fun!

Had yetz another weddin on saturday.This time it was a church member's one.Gf said shes jealous I hav soo many weddings happenin lately...haha..Dad didnt come cause bro was not well n he volutered to babysit.It was okies...they kinda cut a few parts of the service...tht was effin amusin...the reception was such a drag...like each course took freakin forever n I was broed outta my wits.N so much for relyin on my frenz for company...the gf had no credit n I had no idea wht vitz was doin!!!..went home around 11.Came home and watched Private Practice..Its a spin off from Grey's Anatomy about one of the doctors and her like in L.A. And so it is another show am hooked onto!

Sunday's church was usual.I was tired cause of my sleepin disorder n I hardly had any sleep the nite before.Came home stoned n tried to get some sleep but couldnt.So watched tv and then played with my dogs.Btw I hav another dog now...shes labrador n rottweiler mix. But she looks more like a labrador.I'll get pics of them soon. Her name is Candy and my other dog...Chocolate(I named him!..haha..I alwayz wanted to name a dog chocolate chip..from the nancy drew book..) he didnt seem to like her very much at first...I think he was jealous..he gives her this cold stare and looks away when we touch her..lolz...so cute!...but after 2 dayz later they became buddies n were attackin each others tails...adorable lil thingz!....That nite hanged online and the most RANDOM thing happened..I've been chattin with this gurl who is my ex's gf or ex or I don't know what the heck they are..She seems nice and she thinkz am cute!...*BaH*...so we were talkin bout her past n I kinda asked her somethin tht I wasnt suppose to ask or know bout...Then I hav this flash of freakin drama!...I thought the drama left along with the break up...But somehow drama is effin attracted to me and am somehow involved in it again..I was ROFL cause of the bizzareness!...After the whole thing I just sat there with this whole "WTF!!!!"...thing on my mind...*ICKZ*....Hanged online for a bit after that and then hanged on the phone with my dear peverted "Patatic" fren...lolz...*inside joke*...its soo weird cause we've know each other for like 2 yrs now n he didnt know I had a blog...I was like its part of my nick on my msn...N his like I thought tht was some advertisement link.!...His a freakin blur at times!...lolz...The convo ended aroun 4 in the mornin...N thank goodness it was rainin cause I was laughin effin loud n my parents didnt hear..haha..I heart late nite/ early mornin convoz!!!

Well itz a new week..time is runnin by so freakin fast!...I'm tryin to catch up with it these dayz..

Here are some pics from the concert n mamkin session from Pete's phone...its kinda blurish though..:

As The Roads Reaches Its CrossRoads

[Mood: Emo]
[Music: Within Temptation - Memories]

I sit here reminiscing,

Memories that seem like yesterday,

Here I stand with all that I've done,

A sad tale,

Broken hearts and sorrow

Heartbreak hits every soul,

But I never knew I would be one of its victims,

Time heals everything,

I'm starting to question that very statement,

Maybe a gateaway will do me good,

Or a pen and a paper,

To pen down all that is is my heart,

To fill the pages with my unbearable thoughts,

I'm longing for a break through,

And just when I think am near to the point of sanity,

Those thoughts catch up to me and am right where I started,

I need an escape route,

But I really can't seem to find the way,

My thoughts are all over the place,

I have no idea what seems to be the way anymore,

Silent whispers and silent tears,

The hidden scars are on the road to healing,

Not too much but the right amount to keep me going,

The roads have reached its crossroads,

And I've lost the map along the way

What am I suppose to do now?

Official Caramel Lover..!

[Mood: Thrilled]
[Music: Kat Deluna - Whine Up ft. Elephant Man]

I finally got my Oversized shades at Vincci!!!!!!....Am Absolutely Thrilled!!

Went shoppin at 2 new shoppin malls..The Pavillion and The Garden..N They're both ever so similar!

My leg officially died on Sunday

Walkin in Mid Valley in killer heels is an effin big NO-NO

Checkin out A cute American punk rock boy is alwayz fun! Especially when he knows ur checkin him out and poses on the wall even more just cause he knows his HoTt...haha

I have yetz to find the perfect graduation dress

I'm buggin my parents for a GUESS handbag for Grad gift and I think they're lookin for one but don't want me to know bout it...

Mum and Daddy are amusin when they talk bout the same subject but aren't exactly on the same page....Example:
Dad: You know you keep goin around with this GUESS stuff and someone's gonna kidnap you one day...
Me: Oh gosh...you're just usin tht as an excuse not to get me more stuff..n dont be weird daddy!
Mum: *Listens*....Dear just get them more GUESS stuff when you go to the U.S..cause the stores there seem to have more choice there.
Dad: WhT????...*confused*
Me: *Squels in joy*.....I Love u mummy!
You get the piccy....LOL!..My parents are SimPLY amusin!

My Guy best fren thinks I spend too much time in front of the camera...

I spend half my day sms-isn my gf now dayz >3

Currently cravin for Caramel!!!

I'm gonna go deal with Computer Literacy

I'm done with Grey's Anatomy Season 3!!!!!!!.....The feelin of accomplishment lingerz...!

I spend wayyy to much time online these dayz

My biology clock is messed up

I love my muscle relaxant pillss..They keep my relaxed n shut my thoughts up when they get overboard...I want more!!...

L.O.V.E

I Am Who I Am; Your Approval Is Not Desired Or Required!

[Mood: Thoughful]
[Music: Michelle Featherstone - Go On My Child]

Judge: to form an opinion about through careful weighing of evidence

This is what it says in the Webster Dictionary. But people seem to have lost the meaning of "to judge" There isnt any careful weighing of evidence or any of that such. They just grasp something and form a statement and their mind is set.

I've never really been judged throughout my life. There were the occasional times but there were really countable. And they never have affected me anyways. The other day as I was speaking to someone and as our conversation went on...I was hit by the vibe of judgement real hard. Bad enough to make me tear. This has never ever happened to me before. I just sat on my bed in shock and I felt so hurt and angry. As I lay in on my pillow, so much ran through my mind. And at that moment I felt regret slowly creepin its way.Thank Goodness I feel asleep soon enough.I really can't afford regret at this moment.Especially not now! Just when I feel am fallin into place and stability is here.

I know I've made mistakes but no one has the right to judge an individual! So yeah maybe I should have known better and all that. But its not that this doesn't happen to people.Its especially when your young that you fall short the most.Some fall lower than others but it doesnt mean they're a lesser person.At times the one that falls more,may seem stronger and smarter in situations. You just never really know actually.

I know it's so easy to form judgemental statements but when you do so.Do be considerate.Do you want another to do that to you? To label you? To make you seem something you're not? To have this mind set bout you and think bout you that way all the time? So do be position yourself in the other's shoes before making up your mind on a statement....Do take the time and give people a chance...!

People are gonna talk about you....
Especially when they envy you and the life you live,
Let them,
You affeted their lives but They didnt Affect Yours!

Exercising Has Never Been My Thing...EVER!

[Mood: Happy]
[Music: Signal Fire - Snow Patrol]

The after effects of a healthy lifestyle with exercise : Excruciating Pain!!!

I'm been walking around with a freakin limp all weekend!! Whatmore was I had to go for a family wedding with it. Seriously I effin love weddings!! It was my mum's cousin's wedding.I love the dressing part most of all (:P).....And the whole vibe is just real nice...When I sit there n just observe it all..It kinda gives you hope that there are good things in life and there is such thing as Love.Even through all the messed up part of life...It shows you that there are things to look after for.So yeah....I had fun.Then there were the usual relatives with the whole "Wow you've grown so much" kinda thing.I always find tht amusin...I have no effin idea why!....But the unfortunate part was those weird/pitiful stares I got.....You know the kind that says "Shes so young but poor thing shes a limp" kinda thing...*sheesh*...It was such am embrassment!!...N I was usin mummy as a camofluge but it didnt quite work...cause there were those ppl tht stare to hard n they noticed...It wasnt exactly fun explanin the story bout 10 times!...How I wish I could say I sprained my leg while runnin for a cross country marathon for 3 dayz or somethin...at least tht would have sounded cool!!!!

Besides all that...Its been a rather ordinary week.I got a hair cut and its something a lil diff.Not shorter but just more layers..haha...N the bets news ever...*drum roll plez*......I'm GRADUATIN tis yr!!!!!!...Am super happy cause its another New Year Resolution fulfilled!!!!....*Shrills****

Well am gonna go celebrate with my one of my best frenz...HERSHEY!

~LA LA!

P.S : I have a phobia to do Computer Literacy cause I sat doin it for 2 hrs n couldnt walk after tht.....!....N I have no idea how to get over it...!

It's All About The Shoes Honey..!

[Mood: Gleeful]
[Music: Rihanna ft Neyo - Hate That I Love You]

My weekend was spent shoppin!!...And yeah it was all about shoes!

On Saturday headed to KLCC cause dad wanted to check the tv he wants to get for our new place.Its some sony plasma tv that's 52".It looks soo cool and it'll be wonderful to watch Lord of the Rings on it! I saw this real cute mp4 player and was buggin dad for it.He said he might consider..at least its better than a no..haha.Went window shoppin, was on a mission to look for my oversized shades.So I went back to Girlz but couldnt find any.I went lookin around but there wasnt anything I liked.So went to Nose instead and got a pair of heels.Its purpleish and has this gold chain on it.Itz real prettty!! Had dinner and headed home.

On Sunday went to Pyramid 2 with my aunt.This time I was determined to get my hoop earings.Checked out a few places and finally got it..!!!! I got them in three diff sizes.Then back to Nose again and I FINALLY got my long wanted barbie shoes! Itz pink with killer heels and a ribbon at the back.Its soooe ffin cute.Well so far I've gotten 3 pairs of shoes in a week.I have a weird obession with them these dayz tht its kinda disturbin...*bah*....Had lunch at Secret Recipe.I had lemon cheese cake this time and a caramel bleended.I < 3 anything with caramel..!!

Stayed over at my aunts on Sunday.I watched "The Zodiac".It stares Jake Gyllenhael and Mark Ruffalo.It's bout this serial murder that was never really solves.It was pretty intersting since am into mystery.The "Bourne Ultimatum" was pretty.Its best you watch the first two movies from the series cause its kinda the conclusion and you maybe blur on this. Well I just got done with tuition and its good to feel rejuvated to study back again.I've been hit by the lazy pang for the last two weeks...*ickz*...Thank goodness thats gone!

Ex boyfriends are like an old pair of shoes,
You know that you don't need them anymore,
But you don't have the guts to get rid of them.

Show Her The Light

[Mood: Inspired]
[Music: Breaking Benjamin - Diary of Jane]

She dances around with a glass of wine,
The scar on the inside burns,
As tears fall down her face,
She's proud of the decisions she has made,
But that doesnt mean it doesn't hurt,
She's hooked on those movies,
The ones that still give her hope on love,
She dies to be happy and smile,
To dance around with true joy,
There are dayz of utter hopelessness,
But there are times where she is reminded of the good things,
All she wants is a getaway,
To just go far and be shown what is beauty is meant by,
She occupies herself with the oddest of things,
At least they make her happy,
Even for just the moment,
There are gonna be beautiful days,
She's startin to lack in patience,
Are they good days to start with?
Oh God show her the light,
For she's losing herself through it all,
So young but so broken,
She's seen things beyond her age,
But heartbreak has been the worst kind,
Trust seem to be her issue,
There's always gonna be doubt lurking in the air,
Maybe all she needs is time,
Time to leave this all behind.

Lookin For A Way To Waste My Time

[Mood: Hyper]
[Music: Avril Lavigne - Falling Down]

This week has been un-usually quiet.I've feelin horribly lazy these days and been paying less attention to reality.I have no idea why but am in total daydream mood lately.*Bah*

I got the cold n been usin it as excuse to sleep a whole lot more...haha..Had youth at church on saturday and then the gf invited me to her place for her mum's birthday party.After much persuasion my mum let me go.Headed there at aroun 6 something.We totally pigged out.Her mum cooks real well btw.The fruit salad was lovely! We chilled by the pool and catched up on everything from skool stuff to boyz to vitz....haha...btw dear we miss u!!!

The rest of the weekend was a breezy.Got more boxes for moving.Even empty boxes are freakin heavy...wht more packed ones. The thought of moving hunts me.I've got sooo much stuff and wht more am the kinda of person tht keeps stuff for sentimental reason (:P) Example I have broken bracelets n worn out bags cause they were my fav when I was 8.So yeah you get the pic. I need to do a clean out before this move!

Went to Subang Parade with mummy today.It was sorta a mum and daughter date.It was pretty fun actually.Since we havent had one of those for ages.We went shoe shoppin and I got a pair of heels.Then to the Body shop for my face wash.The lady at the store practically tried to sell us the entire store...a very effective sales person...haha...Oh n I sooo hav to get the perfume from there...It smells soo sweeet!!..I <3 smellin like candy! Then I was buggin mum to get me cheese cake for I've been cravin for it a while now...actually am alwayz cravin for cheese cakes...*bah*...So we went to Secret Recipe n had cake and coffee and a good gurlie talk.Everything from frenz to boys....I think mummy n I are becomin good gurl frenz..hehe..

Am soooo freakin worn out!
I've an english test to do.

I've got 2 science alternates :(
I hate science!

I'm want a black mine dress!!!

My fav hoop earings broke...arrrgghhh...I'm super upset

I hav to go earing shoppin at Mid valley

I'm gonnna get black oversized shades!

I feel loved!

~XoXoXo~

For The Sunlight Is On The Way

[Mood: Lazy]
[Music: Sara Overall - The Real Thing]

It still hurts,
Everything that was,
It hunts me in my dreams,
And strangles me in fear,
I'm dying to get rid of it,
But it all comes back in the most unexpected times,
I keep running away,
And I feel its footsteps right around the corner,
I never wished for this,
How did I seek this out?
Or did it come and embrace me?
I'm lost on how to get away from it,
But the question remains how,
It plays in my head like a mix tape,
And there are dayz I just want to burn them,
I wish for so much,
I wish for happiness and smiles,
And just when I've thought I've reached,
I fall,
It's like am back to where I started,
Lookin for the road to go on,
Will someone point it out?
And soon....
But I feel it,
And my heart says patient,
For the sunlight is on the way.

Screaming n Runnin....!

[Mood: Agitated]
[Music: Mike - Love Today]

I've been havin quite a bit of family time lately.I guess that's been good cause it feels like I've hardly had any time to spend with them and after everythin this was kinda good...

On Wednesday mornin...I went to Ikano...had lunch there n shoped a little.I got the cutest earings.They have real nice vintage shops there as well...just found outtt...at nite we went to Parade to look for my grandma's birthday present.It's her big 6-0.So we went lookin for jewelry but didnt find anything nice.Had dinner at Dome...totally pigged out..they have lovely pasta btw!

The rest of the week was pretty usual.Didnt do much work n just chilled.Went to Ikano on Sunday as well...had dinner...yeah itz my family's new hang out spot...I love tht place so I dont mind....Well in conclusion my week has been rather quiet you would say...

Oh n they excitin news is tht I got my new phone!!!!! It's soo cool n I've been busy loadin songs into the whole weekend.Itz the Nokia 6300 n its super thin which is kinda scary...am still on the process of learnin its functions btw.So yeah ppl u can sms or call me again...still usin the same number btw.

"If being sane is thinking there's something wrong with being different.I'd rather be completely freaking mental. "
++ angelina jolie

.....Angelina Jolie is freakin hott n smart!!...hahaha........

The Break

[Mood: Cheery]
[Music: Good Charlotte - The River]

My week long vacation is over but I had a pretty good break.It has been a long weeked startin with Emerge.On Wednesday I went with a fren n his sis.We went there around 7 somethin halfway through worship.His sis left a while n then joined us around 10 somethin. We left early cause we were hungry.Went to a restaurant at Taipan n came home at 12.I had loadz of fun with them.His sis was fun company.

On Thursday I went with Ah yee.He picked up Rachey n Jo wee n Shem was there as well.It was freakin cold n halfway through Daniel n the guyz left to get hot drinks.It finished around 12.The CG decided to go to a Angerrik.And so I decided to be friendly n finally talked to this new gurl at skool.OMG! Just when I thought I was a huge blur...I met a bigger one!...haha...I sorta feel proud of myself..*bah*...Check out this convo:

She: Hey! You know Tongkat Ali is viagra.
Everyone: No it isnt....
She: Yes...Yes it is
Everyone: It works like viagra...
She: ohhh...Tongkat Ali is a herb rite??
Everyone: Itz a root..
She: A herb is a root rite??
Everyone: *rollz eyez*
So yeah u get the pic....I was enjoyin this all nite...haha...as odd as tht soundz.

I came home around 1 somethin.Everyone was asleep and I had to pack for camp the next day.Well camp was okies.You could say I had fun and I played basketball...after soo effin long...some sorta of exercise...hehe...Came back on Sunday.Was sooo worn out.Went to dinner near my auntz place and came home.Watched "She's the Man"...Itz soo effin funny!

Itz back to skool work and hell yeah am feelin all hardworkin!
On some dayz tht is.
I'm off to Ikano!

As Time Passes Me By

[Mood: Laid Back]
[Music: Goo Goo Dolls - Here Is Gone]

It has been sorta laid back lately and you could say I've been on vaca.Wakin up at noon n chillin out.Hangin on the phone a lot, thinkin too much n a bit of studyin when the boredness get to me.

Went to Ikano the other day.I lovee tht place.The displays are soo pretty n I've already picked my bed n some bedroom decorative for my new room.I'm definately gonna hav that hangin curtain thing on my bed.The pole's with the curtain hangin from them. It's gonna be in the red n black theme. Had lunch there...they have one of the best coffees around btw!

Parents came back on Tuesday with every kind of chocolate you can think off but Hershey!! I was super pissed till Kc reminded me they went to Aussie n Heshey is a product of the U.S!!...*sheesh*...yes am blur on most occasions. They got me some stuff from Giordano.It was real cute tops. Oh n I ever so smartly asked for licorice n it tastes absolutely AwFuL.Bluek! N thank goodness mum remembered my gummi bears.Though they're not exactly bear shaped...haha

Kc was tellin me bout the fireworks competition on Wed.So we decided to go check it out.It was real good. The whole sky was lite up n it was super pretty... It was Australia's team that day. I felt like a lil gurl again.Gosh do I miss those dayz.

We're goin again tonite casue my parents found it ever so facinatin.I'll go check with the gf if she's goin as well.Off to check out Newport Harbor n catch up on The Hills.

Cioz!

I Never Will; Never Again!

[Mood: Thoughtful]

[Music: Katherine McPhee - Over It]

Never Again Will I hear You

Never Again Will I Miss You

Never Again Will I fall To You

Never

Never Again Will I Kiss You

Never Again Will I Want To

Never Again will I love you

Never

Nobody Believes Me When I Tell Them You're Outta Your Mind

[Mood: Pissed Off/Fustrated]
[Mood: Hilary Duff - Stranger]

I utterly refused to believe anyone.I thought my intuition new better and my heart knew the terriotory it was going to go through.I'm the kind of gurl that doesn't really listen to other people's insticts.I seem to like learning the freakin hard.Yes am very stubborn in nature.So therefore I jumped into one of my predictions. Today I learned something to new about that "so called perfect prediction".More hurtful thingz seem to be added to the bleeding scar.Absoloutely Perfect.I just found out the truth bout certain thingz.Unconsiously I looked through and bumped into this.Maybe somehow I was meant to find out.Gosh was I effin blind!!!!...I knew it all along but trust.Trust is what killed my insticts.Solid,rock hard trust! The kind that cannot be moved even with most utterly obvious proof.

Oh how was I soo wrong darlin!
Just like all your kind.Seemed great but not so great after all.I just never so it comin,now this explains all the disasters that happened one after the other.And here I was all cheery n happy.Thinkin its a dream come true and even through all the mess; Patience carried me through.There's really no more tears to cry.Yes it did hurt like hell but then my heart just said..."you knew its comin".Guess it was just a matter of time.It just seemed to darn perfect anywayz.

This whole thing is gonna take a really long healing process.It has messed me up big time.I've lost myself along the way and its back to the roots from here.I'm never gonna trust so easily again thats for sure.I'm never gonna open up like I did and became so vunerable.Definately am gonna be soo much more cautious.

It's Gonna Be Down A New Road From Here

I Don't Blame You For Being You But You Can't Blame Me For Damn Right Hatin it

[Mood: Confused]
[Music: Ashley Angel Parker - Let U Go]

Was watchin this flick a few dayz back and I realized something.Being in love in a relationship just isn't enough.You should be compatible and have at least a little similar character traits. If the other person is the TOTAL oppossite of the other.Than theres bound to be trouble.If there's loadz of love but uncompromisable principles.It's better to just let go.That's the best thing to do even if it hurtz like hell....time alwayz heals it all anywayz.I was readin Seventeen the other day that its best you take the amount of years of your relationship and put into months.It'll be the right amount of time for you to heal.Well that's what the experts say anywayz...

I have this crazy urge to walk to the middle of the street and scream at the top my lungs.Mostly curses..bet that will bring some sorta satisfaction.I fuckin need to scream!! Or maybe I need rain and music.I alwayz thought tht would work..never actually tried it though.The only problem is finding a water proof music player...*sheesh*....I do not feel so sane at this moment.The need to do something drastic is strong...thts alwayz bad.I'm startin to hate a few things rite about now.

I need to talk to someone soon.I'm really losin it...!!

The Reunion Weekend..!

[Mood: Bored]
[Music: Lil Mama - Lipgloss]

After 2 months I finally had a good time with my besties and some frenz.This was a very needed outing n was totally unplanned.

On Saturday I invited Kc to go to City Harvest n well eddy invited himself along.So I went to Daniel's place n we went to get them n went to church.Reached there late and the place was packed.Thank Goodness we got sittin n John decided to join...I was suprised he came to church on Saturdayz but the guy had a hidden agenda..I sooo knew it!!..haha..We left early cause it was already 8 somethin.We headed to pyramid cause Daniel needed to get somthin done to his hardrive.We ate at Mcd's cause everywhere else was super packed.Then we decided to drop at Ken's party.Wantin to crash in style cause the party was suppose to be for 5 to 10...n it was already 9:30.....we went to the supermarket to get Vodka and thankz to the stupid rules they have there, they close the alchohal section at 9.How the hell do they expect to sell alcohol tht way????....Ppl dont usually get their alcohol so early..*bah*...so we headed to Ken's and made a pit stop at 7 eleven to get beer.We nearly left Daniel's bro there..haha...n we were super noisy n seriously Daniel's bro is peverted in way...will not go into details ya..lol.

Got to the party n Ken was gettin outta the house with a water balloon..apparently they wanted to hit us when we arrived bu failed to..Thank God!....So vitz comes out as well and me n kc were already squellin.It was such a nice reunion!!! I seriously missed Vitz n he was whinin bout how he hasnt seen me in 2 months n we have to catch up on 2 months of huggin...haha...we hanged at the party for 10 minutes n then decided to chill at Asiacafe and some of the guyz wanted to 24 there.Everyone left with us n we were goin crazy in the car..blastin music n goin crazy.Got parkin super fast which is a miracle at tht hour at tht area.We went to check out the CC n found Bryan,Nicki n his bf there.Nicki was totally showin off his eyelids n how pretty there were.They do look pretty cool...So we chilled n drank.Then we had to leave at 12 so shared hugz n goodbyez n headed home.Daniel was such a sweetheart to chauffeur us around all nite.

I had a fuckin good time and I bet its gonna be more of this since am gonna go there on Saturdayz tht am free n Kc agreed to this as well.N maybe we could met up with Vitz after tht.It was fun...

Well my parents just left to Aussie n am already bored!!..*bah*...Oh yeah rachey got picked for NS so am freaked out now! I hope I dont get picked cause am in no shape for outdoor activities n I hate livin in the freakin forest!! I will not survive even for a week....thts for sure...*sheesh*....well am gonna catch up on Grey's Anatomy before the new season starts....Am finishin Season 2 up and startin Season 3...I plan to finish it up by this week..Hopefully!

Frozen

[Mood: Sad]
[Music: Within Temptation - Frozen]

I can’t feel my senses

I just feel the cold

All colors seem to fade away

I can’t reach my soul

I would stop running,

If knew there was a chance

It tears me apart to sacrifice it all but I’m forced to let go

Tell me I’m frozen but what can I do?

Can’t tell the reasons I did it for you

When lies turn into truth I sacrificed for you

You say that I’m frozen but what can I do?

I can feel your sorrow

You won’t forgive me,but I know you’ll be all right

It tears me apart that you will never know but I have to let go

Everything will slip way

Shattered peaces will remain

When memories fade into emptiness

Only time will tell its tale

If it all has been in vain

I can’t feel my senses

I just feel the cold

Frozen...But what can I do ?

Frozen...Tell me I’m frozen but what can I do?

Can’t tell the reasons I did it for you

When lies turn into truth I sacrificed for you

You say that I’m frozen,

Frozen...

She Drowns Herself Into The Music Just So She Can Escape This Reality

[Mood: Inspirational]
[Music: Fall Out Boy - The Take Over,The Breaks Over]

Attention center stage ! ! !
We got a suicidal star.
Another tragic case;;
No more than a broken heart

Whenever I watch romantic movies, witness couples kiss and make-up, listen to love songs --
I smile and feel good because I know that love still works,
If not for me, at least to others.

I'm the kind of girl that falls into her music
Dives into a scene
And runs away from love

Life doesn't give you the people you want.
It gives you the people you need to help you, to hurt you, to love you, to leave you & to make you into the person you were meant to be.

"I wish it could just be simple,
Like a retro pop song. 'I want you to want me.' BOOM. End of story.
We all want to live happily ever after.
But its never really like that, is it?"
[John Tucker Must Die]

Everything happens for a reason.
People change so you learn to let go.
Things go wrong so you appreciate when things are right.
You hear lies to learn to trust yourself.
& Good things fall apart so that Better things can fall into place.

As Time Goes By

[Mood: Lazy]
[Music: James Blunt - 1973]

My weekend has been quite decent.Nothin much has happened and I think I'm letting time heal it all and am giving myself some slack.I'm letting myself breathe and start enjoying life a little here and there.

Friday was spent watchin tv all day.....I watched "Sisterhood of Traveling Pants"....Its a seriesly nice story and yes it made me tear a lil...when it comes to gurlie movie like this it makez me tear n shit...*bah*....I was super emo all day and I spent the whole afternoon drownin in tears and ended up with a killer headache.Took a panadol n slept n then definately helped the headache and the depression mood. Went for prayer meetin at nite and then a total pig out session after tht.That was fun.

Saturday...well I have no idea what the hell I did but it went by fast.I did a bit of work and practiced for church since I haven't played for like 3 weeks and I was so afraid I forgot how to play...haha..paronoid!Spent the rest of the day on the phone with gf.I felt so light hearted after tht.A good heart to heart talk alwayz does it!

Church was casual.A bit of drama but I think am pulling myself together pretty well.It's definately not easy but am gonna stand on my decision this time and am slowly feelin stronger as a person.Well thts tht...Went to Summit after tht..parents needed to get some stuff there and then had lunch.Came home and watched 'Monster-In Law".....hilarious yet very prediactable but it was enjoyable I would say.Oh and recently I've been hooked to "Ghost Whisperer".Jennifer Hewitt speaks to ghost and shows a whole lot of cleavage while doin so...haha...yea its a hott show but no thts not why I watch it though am seriesly considerin the possibility of switchin my preferences from guyz to gurlz but thts still in consideration...Chilled with music after tht and daydreamt a whole lot.That got my mind cleared.

A new week is about to begin and I so need to go on hardworkin mode.I plan to do 10 books this month and I think its highly possibly cause I seem to do more work than when I went to school.So I guess itz back to the books for now...

She misses him& still cares so much
But it just doesn’t feel RiGhT [Anymore.]

Faith!!...Where Are You?

I'm trying to make the best of it all.The situation and the misery.Everything happens for a reason and am a huge believer of that.Sometimes we don't understand things and we may not see the real truth behind it all but I know my heart knows me best.I'm trying to be happy but my heart is punishing me.Maybe I don't deserve to be happy and am so afraid of karma.

There has to be something out there to make me feel alive again.Cause nothing seems good enough to look forward to. I'm feeling more lost than ever at this time.This time given to me and situation at hand maybe a road of self discovery.Oh maybe thats what I want to believe.

Currently my music is my refuge.I may seem ok at one moment and the next am soaking my pillow with my tears.I think its a breakdown or a turning point.Whatever it is,its driving me crazy.My brain doesnt seem to wanna shut up and I havent had proper sleep for ages now.I wake up at nite with awful thoughts and I stare at the ceiling praying to fall back to sleep.I can't seem to talk this out cause it maybe misunderstood.

Well I'm gonna try to fight through it all and find strength somewhere along the way.
Oh faith where are you when I need you the most!

As The Darkness Linger

[Mood: Misreable]
[Music: Carrie Underwood - So Small]

The dayz have been lonely,
I don't know what I believe in anymore,
Somedayz I just wanna lay down n die,
On a search for my principals,
And readjusting those unbelieable ones,
Will I ever smile again?
Will I ever know what joy means?
My tears are my best friend,
But this is what I wanted and the consequences I will face,
It may take years,
But what is said n done come outta me,
Lonely dayz,
Hearts bleeding,
Purposes gone,
Is this what we're in this world for,
To love,get heart broken and bleed to death,
I don't seem to have any answers right now,
But I feel my loneliness will take me a long way,
This is what I've alwayz feared,
But I'm facing in everyday,
The truth is...At the end of the day...You're alone.

A million people maybe by your side,
But when the sun goes down and the dayz excitement fads,
Misery and sadness is your company,
They're mine anyway,
Mornings are meaningless,
And my nights are filled with tears,
Someday hope will find its way back into my life,
Thats what I believe in,
The question is....
When?

Big Girls Don't Cry

[Mood: Thoughtful]
[Music: Big Girls Don't Cry - Fergie]

The endless tale...well more like the endless drama.I think this is finally my stop and off i go.It's been really hard on me for the last 2 months.A crazy emotional rollar coaster n huge decisions had to be made.I guess that comes along being 17.You have to be mature n take responsibilities and just know whats right for you

So I've had made my decision and it's over now.It would have been a year and half offically today not counting the additional 2 yrs of courting.I wouldn't say it's been super easy on me lately n no am totally enjoyin the new found freedom you would say.It's not been an easy decision but after much thought n consideration I've come to this conclusion.It's for the best on both parties n I know its gonna be another emotinal turmoil from here but what has to be done is done.I don't regret anything or have hard feelings.I've learned so much in the last 3 yrs n have experienced life's most beautiful gifts.I've grown so much as a person n I'm who I am today cause of it all.This huge decision is me just being a big girl now.

The reasons behind this decision is hard to explain but this is where my heart is leading me.I never meant to hurt you or use you.It's just the way Nelly Furtado puts it...Flames to dust...Lovers to Frenz....All good things come to an end.Definately a sad ending to another teenage love tale.Like I've said to you before your first love never usually works out.I think its some sorta curse that's been around for a while.

Each day is an adventure am embracing.This is life and everything happens for a reason.Well am off on another journey down this windy road.I'm ready to stand on my own now and I feel stronger than ever.Another experience added to my book.

I hope you know,
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
The path that I'm walking I must go alone
I must take the baby steps 'til I'm full grown,
Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they?
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay

I've found Out That Music does Indeed heal the soul

The Comeback

[Mood: Bored]
[Music: R Kelly ft Usher - Same Girl]

I'm grounded from the internet so I hope that explains the lack of updates.

I'm on serious probation...so tht means am home bound for a while.

College courses are drivin me mad!!

Parents want me to do computer science n I dont!!!...I wanna do somethin in Business or HR

Maybe I'm just gonna find some rich dude..get married...n live in the Carribean Islands!

I suck at math honey!!

Either its Life or Monash...Advantages at Life is that I get to go to Melbourne,

I'm dying out of boredom at home

Goin 2 skool 2moro!!!

I miss Kc n Vitz loadz!!!!

Also everyone else 2!

I'm workin a whole lot at harder at home..maybe cause there's fuckin notta else to do

Abel n I spend too much 2gether..its weird...it's like standard 1 again where he bullys me...*sheesh*

I hav effin no idea when I'll blog again

I miss my lappie n the internet

I'm gonna update myself on the music world

Loadz of Love

Beauty in Pain

[Mood: Dark]
[Music: Evanescence - Sweet Sacrifice]

The edge of the blade shines,
The beauty of it,
And the effects it can bring,
The pain is on the inside and it's longin to get out,
As the blade hits her pretty wrist,
She knows it will leave a scar,
And its what she's longing for,
Livin with a cut so deep,
She wants it out physically.
For it feels unbearable.

The shinnin blade in her dim room,
She doesn't deserve this,
Hopin no one else will ever feel this way,
The edge hits her lovely wrist,
Softly yet sweetly she runs it across her wrist,
Not deep enough to kill but enough to leave a life long scar,
This is what she wanted,
Something to remind her of those words,
The unbearable pain along with her painful tears is a beautiful sight,
Her misery is out on the open,
Satisfication sinks in,
She's just died on the inside.

A stained blade sits in the drawer,
It's her best fren for now,
One day she'll get over it,
But not for now,
There's just too much misery,
Too much ache and hate,
Her crimson blood hits the floor,
The bleedin and tears,
The pain of a sad,lonely gurl.

She seems perfect on the outside,
But no one knows the truth,
Her perfect clothes and shoes,
No one hears those bitter tears,
She aches for love and life,
Confined by those walls,
She longs to live,
But there seems no way out.

She screams,
Yells,
Sobs,
Bleeds,
But no one hears her.
No one cares.

The crimson stained blade
The beauty of a scar.
The story of a beautiful wound.

The Breakdown

[Mood: Emo]
[Music: Tyler Hilton - You'll Ask For Me]

Its in the breakdown,
Cryin hysterically and rambling bout the disappointments,
Integrity got in the way,
And I felt I got lost from dignity,
There are so much expection and my dreams are high,
Regret scares me,
I don't wanna look back and bury these memories,
I had hopes,
But I can't seem to be keepin up to any of those,
It seems like I've brought down my standards,
Is this what I want?
Maybe but maybe not,
Theres doubt still lingerin,
And my heart sendin me the opposite signals,
Trust,
The key to any relationship,
Built with loadz of work and can be torn down without effort,
I've always had difficulties at this part,
There are people I know I can trust without a doubt,
And then there are those you have no idea bout,
Confused on whats goin on within,
Afraid to be vunerable,
Lookin for the instints,
When it coms down to faith,
How much should be instilled in a person,
If there's seems to be too little, there seems to be a problem,
But if there's too much,
What happens durin the downfall,
The crash and burn
I see that on its way,
It's right around the corner,
Now all I have to do is to push obstacles to delay its arrival,
There's too much runnin on my mind,
I think am too young for such questions,
Maybe it's my fault after all,
I pulled this onto myself,
There is solution to all this,
I bet it's somewhere,
Now all I have to do is go look for it.

You're The Fallin Star

[Mood: In Love]
[Music: Everything - Micheal Bubble']

Am more cheery these dayz and I find wayz to entertain myself.
I'm tryin to keep myself motivated and pushin towards doin more work.

Went and watched Fantastic 4 that day.It was seriously super cool! I hav no idea whats up with all the bad review but the special effects was great and the story line was intersting. The silver surfer has this hott sexy voice n I think am crushin on him(:P)

Headed for the Edu Fair yesterday.Had a lunch date with daddy and sis.Then dad left to see some stuff and I went on a search to find him.He told me the exit but as usual my sense of direction rockz! And I went a whole round n then found the freakin exit!! His super mean...he saw me go a whole round n everything...*sheesh*...He pulled the whole " I dont know thing" and someone workin with him asked if he was attemptin to flirt with me...haha...I got introduced around and we went to look at Monash after that. This is like my dream college and I wanna go here at least for a yr or two.So maybe I'll do Life a yr or 2 n then finish off at Monash. See how it goes. Also i think am most probably stickin with computer science.It's not tht am in capable of doin math but am goin to try my level best and if it really doesnt pull through then I may consider switchin. So we walked around and he got me hersheys!!...hehe..cookies n cream..cause I've been sorta buggin him for it quite a while..then we just chilled.Met up with my dad and then we got frappucinos and headed home. Had dinner with the family tht nite in association with my grandfathers birthday and then I had my usual phone convo...

I'm tryin to be patient with the current situation.Yes am still in prison but its definately more relaxed than a few weeks back. Now all I need to do it put that dinner plan in action.Then if I have that fixed, everything else will be normal again. Now if only I knew how to bring the idea up to her....

Love is an accident waiting to happen.
Desire is a stranger you think you know.
Intimacy is a lie we tell ourselves.
Truth is a game we play to win

LoveStoned

[Mood: Cheery]
[Music: Dashboard Confessional - Stolen]

I've been doin more work than usual.

He keeps me motivated.

How?

By remindin me of the joyz thats gonna be in college.

I'm still confused on what course I should take.

Totally stressin on it..*sheesh*

Waitin for the Edu Fair to come around

Am grounded for quite a while

Rottin n fuckin bored

Am online wayy to much

He amuses me a lotz

I'm being emo to much

Can't blame me..You will be to if you were in my situition

3 hours of tuition is no joke

I find pigeons adorable

I wish I could fly away from here

Badly needin a piercing n soon

By next year around this time I would have a kick ass belly ring

I need to do more Math...And I mean really LOADZ MORE!

I wanna earn 18,000 by the time am 27

I'm gonna go have lunch nowz

~She's dancin in the sky~

Just Let Me Cry

[Mood: Deep Thought]
[Music: Evenescenes - Weight Of The World]

This situation is being really hard on me.N I feel like am just goin to depression or somethin. I'm really startin to hate each day before it even begins. I don't understand why such huge drama for small situitions. It really doesnt make sense. How long are u goin to keep me in? Forcin me to be your fren isn't the best thing, I hope you know that. You can't change who I am.I'm sorry am not what you wanted me to turn out to be.Sometimes I even wander what went wrong but I wanna live life on my terms.Learn my own lessons, pick myself up from my falls n learn to move on. I don't wanna be spoon fed on life. I'm gonna be 18 soon and am sick and tired of being treated this way. I just wanna get skool done with and continue with my plans. But being patient through all this is so hard and am draggin myself each day to make it through. I don't see the point of lookin forward for anything anymore.




Besides that am really confused bout the current situition.This is not what I planned or dreamt for myself. Everything was suppose to come naturally not through a horrible struggle. I was suppose to be the priority not the option. I was suppose to be the first and the only. The one who inspires and makes a huge impact. The gurl who shows you what love is. I just realized that am the 2nd one and its never ever suppose to be this way. The feelings and emotions are there but I can't help feelin that its sooo unfair and this is not what I saw for myself. It really does hurt but am tryin not to think about it. There's nothin much that can be done. Nothing you can do or say can change that fact. I love you very much and I can't lose you. Especially not now and this moment is where I need you more than ever. I can't talk to you bout this cause you won't understand. This is something I must deal with personally and I can only pray that this is horrible feeling will go away once n for all.

Don`t use excuses..
Don`t ask why
It`s just a breakdown.. happens all the time..
So get out of my face - don`t even try..
Youu wanna help me? ..
Just Let Me Cry

Misery's My Company

[Mood: Sad]
[Music: Good Charlotte - Misery]

There's good news and theres fucked up news.

The Good Newz: After drama n being emo for 3 dayz.My parents couldnt take it to see me utterly miserable n they were thinkin of talkin 2 him again.So we had this thing set up tht he calls on tuesday mornin before his exams n say tht he wants 2 met them after in the evenin.Then the phone rang and my parents acted like no one called..I kept askin but they acted like notta.Super fustratin n whtmore am the one who set it up!!!! They talked 2 me in the evenin n said they'll agree to us on certain conditions.He came in the evenin n talked to them.His such a darlin!! To come n approach them.We got interrigated n shit.But they asked if we were both serious.We were yeah n we want this.We're not allowed to go out but his allowed to come over anytime! So thts great. But he had to open his mouth n add fire to flame bout my gf!!! I was soo tempted to get the freakin knife from the kitchen.He came with a fren n they had dinner n hanged till bout midnight.It was good.I guess thts one thing settled.

The Fucked Up News: T Ben came on thursday n my mum poured her heart out on how rebellious n uncontrollable n stubborn I am.hahahaha.Riteeee.Okies maybe thts partially true(:P) So am gonna be tutored n wont be goin back to skool till bout next year.N I'll only come for test n spanish.FUCK!!!!!!! Also am not allowed anywhere near my gf.As though thts ever gonna happen! Whtever.But am really gonna miss them soo much.N I really dread seein my mum for the whole damn day.It gets annoyin after a while speacially her naggin.So am gonna be totally isolated n am only gonna be able to communicate with him but his gonna be busy with his own thing so yeah....

I'm pretty much alone at the end of the day.But nothing is gonna keep me away from my darlinz.They're like family to me! But this is my last year of high skool n I never thought it would end in such a fucked up note.Everything is just sooo messed up.I just feel like gettin away for a while n forget bout everythin n just live.Even its just for a day.

I need a getaway,
From all this misery,
Guess independence starts from here,
I'm just drownin n out of breathe,
Someone save me.

-Walkin down this empty roads alone-

Holdin On

[Mood: Depressed]
[Music: Nada Surf - Inside of Love]

My idea of a good two week holz is goin somewhere or just chillin at home n being dead bored or doin something enjoyable.I had no idea mine was goin to turn into a bitter nightmare in the second day.

My mum found out bout all the hanky-panky thats been goin.N as usual she totally flipped out.There was yellin n screaming for pretty much the whole day.The cause and the source of this happenin is *drum roll plez* ....MY SIS!..I was real dumb to trust her seriously n the only reason she told was cause she got fucked for skool work n to save her ass n make her story seem small she told on me.Yea I sorta do hate her now! My life is in a totally messed up stage now.My mum is in an all lecture mood n everyone else just givez me the cold stare.His been my pillar to lean onto lately n am glad tht his sooo patient with everything.Am currently phone-less n fuckin bored n emo...am not sure if am even goin back to skool n mum's meetin with teacher on thursday.

So its a living nightmare rite now but my darlinz have been steadily on my side n I love them for it! It's so hard to put up with everythin but am at no point of regret n I feel its a just a tough phase thats been thrown at me.I'm feelin so weak lately but am gonna fight to make it through.The consequences are not as bad as before but my parents have "lost trust" in me sorta thing and it's gonna take a whole lotta convincing to get back on their good side.

P.S: Am grounded for another decade I suppose

Life's soooo FUCKED UP!
For the moment...

My Song Is Love

[Mood: Painful]
[Music: ColdPlay - A Message]

I have no idea what's been goin on in my head,
Or what I've been thinking,
I just wanted to live it for the moment,
Didn't wanna think bout consequeces,
I wanted to live by the too young to care line,
But my actions seem unexplainable,
But the very intent and the very act of a lie,
I'm not where all that came from,
These are the people that make my world go round,
The ones that keep me sane and are my biggest support system,
The ones that keep on the right path all the time,
How could I have hurt them?
I've lost myself along the way lately,
Losin my principles,
Everything I've stood for,
Disappointed,
That's what that has been done,
Not only myself but the very ones I love,
Such a cold thing to do,
Thise has never been me,
I have never been known for being so cruel,so hurtful,
Knowin deep within that I will have to deal with all this alone,

Broken your trust,
That's what I've done,
Thrown away the faith you've had on me,
Puttin myself in your shoes makes me tear,
There isn't an enough of an apology for my actions,
I'll understand if you wanna stay away for a while,
But am hopin for not too long,
I know my actions were harsh n painful,
But I love you very much,
And am deeply sorry for doing so,
You're like a sister to me,
Alwayz being there and holding me when am in tears,
But lately I haven't been showin how much I care,
I feel the change,
And that its not for the good,
I will do somethin bout it,
And am gonna start with you,
Am sorry for it all,
And I truly hope you forgive me....

The Long Weekend

[Mood: Worn Out]
[Music: Breaking Benjamin - Breathe]

The preparations for sports day has been hectic.I tried to get fit in 2 months or so.I started joggin and practicin badminton every other day.I was sore a whole lot but am not sure why but I really wanted to do this.Never been a sporty person n all tht but I decided to give it a go.

I was super nervous the day before n I just knew I was gonna lose.But I was super scared tht everyone would laugh at me or somethin.Couldnt really sleep n I woke up 4:45 that mornin.Got ready,had breakfast and headed to sonya's around 6.We chilled till around 7 somethin n then left to the stadium.Every other skool had their own tshirts and ours was the only tht had diff shades of purple.And we were the most uncordinated one!! Whatmore was that we were the host of the event.*sheesh* Had the march past thing and we were totally fooling around the whole time.Hilarious! There was a few openin dances but the other skools n then we had netball n football.We got to the finals for both but didn't win...we got to the penalty shoot out for football!...I was panickin for the whole day...totally freaked out bout the badminton...chilled till bout 3 n then the game started around 3 somethin.The usual gang were there cheerin n I felt better with all of them there...hehe...n suprisingly I won the first round!!..*beams with joy*...but lost the 2nd cause the constent from the other skool's dad was there...he was totally buddin but whtever! The doublez was intersting.The gf and I bet the first team easily.We were like "wht the hell happened?"..we didnt even practice..haha...n in the 2nd round we were up againsnt....*suspense*...The Racheyz!!...haha...I know!...on skool!...lolz...they bet us n we didn't really care cause anywayz our skool wins...N they did practice more than us..
After that I chilled at Sonya's place..she was sweet enough to let me sleep...was soo wiped out.I slept for an hour n then watched her bro n his fren play Resident Evil 2.I had no P.S 2 could be soo intersting.Reached home around 8 somethin n then chilled with the family.Mum was proud cause I actually achieved somethin in sports for once..she even massaged my damaged ankle!!...Love her loadz!!

Church was the usual.Oh there's this new guy whos started to attend n his sorta cute actually(:P) His 20 somethin but totally doesnt look like it n doesnt really hang around his age group.His super shy n everythin n I havent picked up the courage to speak to him yetz.Workin on tht..hehe...had lunch at an Indian restaurant...went shoppin n got this super cute pants!!! But got into an argument with mummy over a skirt.It was extrmely cute but she made a fuss that is was too short.BLEH.Came home n slept n lazed around for the whole day.

Monday came n I was out for the whole day.Was at Pyramid n all that.It gets sorta complicated here so I'm not gonna go in too much detail.I had dinner with rachey,vitz,kc,eddy,james n nicholas at tht chicken place.Actually kc n I ate at mcdz.Then I hanged with Rachey n Vitz till bout 8.They tried to educate me on Anime but I was just interested in the gay stuff(:P) Then they went cd shoppin.Got home n slept super early.

Was totally lazy ass that mornin n decided to skip skool.I chilled for the rest of the day n did absolutely notta productive.I really hav 2 start gettin back on study mode!

"You're a messed up chick!"
-Vitz-

Tagged!

[Mood: Reminiscing]
[Music: Avril Lavigne - I Will Be]

5 THINGS FOUND IN YOUR BAG.....
~~Wallet - Never leave home without money
~~Lip Gloss - A must must!
~~Hp-Communication purposes
~~Compact Powder-Comes with a mirror:P
~~Comb-Very handy!

5 THINGS FOUND INSIDE UR PURSE/WALLET....
~~Identity Card - a must...must
~~Cash - Like dUh
~~Calender - For plannings
~~Pics - Looks cute
~~Coins

5 FAVOURITE THINGS IN MY ROOM....
~~My Lappie - My LIFE!
~~My radio - Runs 22 hrs a day
~~My stuff tiger - His very treasured..hehe
~~My wardrobe - Love my clothes!
~~My Cd collection

5 THINGS YOU'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO...
~ GO TO PARIS
~~ Go to Rome - Beautiful history there!
~~ A total beach vaca - I < 3 the beach
~~ Get a tougue ring - Sooooo HOTT
~~ Write a book - Will be intersting

5 THINGS UR CURRENTLY INTO...
~~ Bloggin
~~Music
~~ Grey's Anatomy
~~ One Tree Hill
~~ The person am on the phone with soo much..hehe..

~5 PEOPLE YOU WILL TAG....
~~Sharu - I know you did it...hehe
~~Zim - since ur bored so much:P
~~Rachey
~~Ariel
~~Rita

Scientific dayz

[Mood: Sick]
[Music: Evan Olsan - Not What I Wanted]

It's been quite a while but I've been sorta lazy to update.Notta much as been happenin lately.Sports day practices...studyin and being bored.Yeah definatley the usual.I don't remember much of last week.But it was pretty casual actually.

Well we had a science camp sorta thing a week back.Tht was pretty fun.Not overly educationcal but we were sick talkin n camwhorin mostly so here are some pics:

Some baking soda yeast thing

We improvised the cover with the dropper:p

Looked hott

The Happy Patato(this was what we discentted!)

Totally Grey's Anatomy

Boredom: Bryan's New Manicure

Rachey and Silas doodlings

The protected water sprayer...*I know looks peverted*..haha

Kc and Me....the camera had to end up on us..<3

The River Keeps Flowin

[Mood: Tired]
[Music: Avril Lavigne - I can do better]

So my week has started in a totally fucked up note. The same usual thing.Yea...its like a never ending circle....*sheesh*..I have no idea what I would do with my best frenz. Vitz called me at 3 in the mornin cause I needed someone to talk to and was a totally darlin cause he chatted for an hour even thought he was tired and the gf got my sms and called me the first thing in the mornin. She called throughout the day to make sure I was ok. Love you guyz!>3

And therefore I baked after a longtime.My family have no idea about my "baking only in a bad mood" thing.I do bake when am happy but mostly when am upset. They just enjoyed the fudge. That was fun and I felt happy. Bakin alwayz makes me feel good.That nite I was on the phone till bout 4 something in the mornin.

My current tv show obssession: Grey's Anatomy!!
I'm soooo hooked on it.The actors are cool,the story line intersting and has the fair share of drama,and I absolutely adore the intros.I use to collect them before I even started watchin the series.I'm just done with season 1.Season 2 on the way....

At the end of the day faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. Its like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And its not so important happy ever after, just that its happy right now. See once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you , and once in a while people may even take your breath away.
-- "Greys Anatomy

Wanting To Bleed Away

[Mood: Depressed]

[Music: Linkin Park -Numb]

I'm just another one of thoes girls who laughs during phone calls

Forces herself to fake a smile everyday

And then collapse on her bed

And cries herself to sleep

With mascara running down her face;she is such a beautiful disgrace.

With the tears falling faster;she is such a beautiful disaster.

She loved you with all she could.

She made you her life.

She gave you her heart.

Only to have it all hoved back in her face.

Tonight my headphones
Will bring these songs of sorrow.

My sweet therapy.

You told me you loved me.
More than anything.
You said you would never hurt me.
You would never leave me.
Well
You know what dear?
All your promises turned out to be lies.

Just what we all need
More lies about a world that
Never was and never will be
You don't know how you've decieved me
(Evanescence.)

As my eyes open from their state of sleep,
I feel my blood turn into a frozen river.
Nightmares told me
Death was in the air.
A piece of me is gone forever.
Clutching memories held so close.
Repeating words of love spoken too late.

Lookin At The Sky

[Mood: Bored]
[Music: Good Charlotte - Misery]

I took this quizy.Seemed pretty intersting.Some of it is true>> Quiz Linkie{http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx}>>

Your view on yourself: You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for: You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship: You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love: You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education: Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you: You have many goals and want to achieve as much as you can. The jobs you enjoy are those that let you burn off your considerable excess energy.

How do you view success: You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of: You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self: You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

The Question

[Mood: Lame]
[Music: Hilary Duff - Happy]

Just when I thought we have reached a higher level,
You made a promise,
I was moved to tears by your words,
But I guess to easily yet again,
Vunerable,
Yea that's me right now,
I believed whole heartedly,
I don't get these phase,
Afraid to put my heart on the line again,
Can't bear to get hurt all over again,
I'm startin to question a lot lately,
The pain lingers,
But the tears don't seem to be on the outside,
So much has been said and done,
Yet its so easy for you to throw it all away,
These dayz I've been fighting so hard to keep you with me,
But am gettin drained,
You said you loved me,
The next second you just want me out of your life,
I don't wanna tie you down to me,
It's very unfair of me to do that,
Not wanting to be selfish,
But so afraid to get heartbroken,
Sittin by my favourite corner,
With my music and tears,
You tell me to trust you with my heart,
And am tryin,
But its so hard when I have no idea what you will do or say the very next moment,
I feel like running away,
Leavin all this behind,
But I know memories will never leave my soul,
I remember every detail of the times I've spent with you,
The way I looked at you,
The way you held me,
Everything means so much to me,
Is it the same for you?

What lies behind us & what lies before us
Are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.

Let The Record Play

[Mood: Lazy]
[Music: Good Charlotte - Broken Hearts Parade]

Am effin sore...Sports has never done me good my either life n I have no idea why I keep tryin..*sheesh*...my week has been long n I've been sorta slackin on skool work a lil.Can't help it if I fuckin hate math.N I have to do it up to grade 12....*BAH*...teacher asked that day if I really wanted 2 do computer science...n I was like I don't know...so he suggested an apptitude test...*sheesh*...all this career thing is soo effin complicated...

So I've been cravin for those Good Charlotte tickets, yet this turned out to be like the "Simple plan case".Seriously it turned out fuckin complicated n I just was sooo upset for the whole freakin weekend cause of it.I know you might be thinkin why am makin such a huge fuss over this but seriously when I started listenin 2 punk rock.I started out with GC n their lyrics really says a lot and what goes on around us.It just really deep stuff n music makes me world go round n shit..I just really wanted 2 go...fuck....I'll stop rabblin here....So Sunday came n it was very usual.I got my badminton racket..*beams with joy*...haha..came home super worn out.Pretty much chilled for the rest of the day.

Monday was tirin cause I slept at 5 the nite before...which is techinally mornin...but whatever.The first question I got tht mornin was "u went for Good Charlotte ar?" and I was like"*cursin under my breathe*...No!*.When I reached for assembly...a bunch of others came up to me with the same freakin question.Seriously by break I was tellin Vitz that if one more person came up 2 me with tht question,I would seriously SLIT THEIR THROAT!! Then he just had to ask...He came up 2 me the whole day greetin me with this "Hey my fren who didn't get to see GC" Thank God for my high patience level...haha...U know I love ya 2 much 2 slit ur throat darlin!!!....~XoXo

I woke up effin late this mornin n didnt go to skool.I slept for pretty much the whole day n just woke up.I'm blamin all the exercise! I have badminton 2 moro...*snifflez*...n am gonna go start joggin 2day! Wish me luck..I'm gonna need it! And no I didn't collapse durin my jog this mornin vitz!

This is for the girls who never won,who stay up all night listening to music that inspires them to do things next to impossible,
The girls that laugh, smile, cry, and think all on a daily basis,
The girls who like, learn, and regret;
The girls who may never have it easy.
The girls who learn the hard way,and live to tell about it.
The real girls.

Livin It Up Honey

And so it was Christine's farewell dinner/outing thing last friday.I mean I had one for her at my place on Wednesday.That was effin fun.Talked bout college,boyz,and gossiped like crazy..haha.I'm really gonna miss ya dearest!! We had a dinner for her at this buffet place in pyramid and gettin there after skool was an adventure on its own.Thank God shauny was drivin that day.So Shauny went to get Kc n while we waited for everyone,durin tht time Kc got my phone locked by tryin 2 set up the SIM password.So Shauny was a total sweetheart n dropped us at the DiGi center n went to leave Daniel at his place so he could change.While waiting we got Vitz to change his plan so we could get GC tickets but it seems you have to go to Times Square n shit...so he was like no wayz...hehe....we finally got the code n all...hanged at the TM Net center and camwhored..

Shauny picked us after tht,happy 2 have hanged in Daniel's room(inside gay joke)...headed to Pyramid and the gf and I were totally bimbo's in the car.Camwhorin even more and laughing our heads off...headed to the restaurant and met up with Esther...poor gurlie she was rottin there for hours...we had dinner but then Kc had to leave early..Christine arrived n we took a group piccy...I hanged for a while n he decided to pay me a suprise visit...Rachey arrived soon n I met up with her...I chilled with them a while but thingz started to get tensed at the table n also I needed transport to go home and Shauny's car was full so I followed him.

We were walked 2 Sunway college n it started raining.So we took a cab there n he sorta dragged me to some ACCA social event.Seriesly I've never felt so out of place before.Like am not even in freakin college yetz! So i sat there pretty much sulking n he got the idea.haha...Thank God his smart:p...so we hanged out at the foyer n he checked out my skool work...u know I think all this while his being thinkin when I say I'v got loadz to study that am sayin it 2 do somethin else.....*sheesh*....his reaction was ever so hilarious...he went "wow ur seriesly smart la" n all tht...yeah babe did u just realize tht!!..lolz...he left me back by taxi...real sweet of him...I reached home at bout 9 somethin n chilled on the phone till bout 1...

It waz definately a fun day n a total adventure.Shall post piccys.We totally camwhored!

Best FRIENDS:
know that you're slow,stupid, && mess around yet,
they still don't care about beeing [s e e n]with you in (p u b l i c)
Because they know they're idiots too<3

We Are Just Shadows

[Mood: Emo]
[Music: Anastasia ft. Ben Moody - Everything Burns]

Really everything around me seems so fuckin messed up rite now.

I think am slowly learning to rely on just me.

I'm afraid to trust or open up.

Think am gonna stick to being that way for a while.

So sick of crying and I think now I seem to cry out of confusion.

Tired of being let down and everything seem to be a freakin routine.

Feelin locked up and fighting so hard to find freedom,

Nothing seems right anymore,

When I think that am finally happy,

Its like I triger off some sorta force,

It shows that am wrong,

Yeah I feel like screamning,

Don't you know that this misery loves me?

Finding that out this tonite,

I hate this voice that keeps ringing in my head,

I wish it would just stop sometimes,

Wanting to hold your hand and to smile,

To know that I'll be alrite,

I want that secruity,

But I can't seem to find that,

I count the dayz,

Its alwayz precisely a week,

Been waiting for it to stop,

Doesn't seem to be happening anytime soon,

Yes I'm bleeding,

Sometimes it seems healed,

But soon enough it starts all over again and I can't seem to make it stop,

I really want it to stop,

Please make it stop

& it makes everything somuch harder, you know? It makes things harder

when you hold everything in.It's almost like I can't even

breathe without feeling like I shouldn't be.

To Inspire And Be Inspired

[Mood: Tired]
[Music: Dj Sammy - Heaven(remix)]

Lately I was told that I should stop being cold and actually show emotion.Stop livin in my own lil world and actually go through the time given at hand.I know.I've alwayz had a problem with that. Even when am so hurt by what was said, I just stand there with a meak smile and then much later I'll sit and ponder on why those words were said.I've alwayz been afraid to show emotion and I have no idea why. I'm guess am afraid to triger the wrong reaction or somethin. I alwayz seem to bottle up all my feelings and store them in a cupboard.React much later when am alone or somethin.But I know I have to stop doin that. Sometimes when I care so much, I may seem cold but I really don't mean to. It's my way of protecting myself you could say. Am sorry if I've been runnin away or avoiding you lately. You mean so much to me and have been my pillar of hope.Lettin me that I'm gonna be alrite when am afraid that I was gonna fall and disappoint. You've always let me know that being me is all that its gonna take to make it..nothing more and nothing less.Whenever I felt like I've falled short, you remind me of my roots and who am I deep inside.I love you. I hope you know that. My biggest inspiration you are. Smiling through it all everyday.My rolemodel.There are no words to describe how much you mean to me.I will make you proud.I really will.For I can never bear to disappoint you.Really can't...I care so much about you.You mean the world to me.And I hope you know that.For I'm gonna try to show you that everyday for now onwards.

I want power in my words,
I want passion in my eyes.
And when I wake up,
I want life to be a surprise

Hotter 17

[Mood: Happy]
[Music: Kelis - Milkshake]

So my 17th birthday has come and gone.It was a pretty casual one this yr and I spent it with my family and another celebration with him.I had dinner with the family the usual trado stuff.He decided to take me down to Sepang, n we ended up watchin F1 cars and eatin hershey.More like I ate the hershey. We chilled outz for pretty much the rest of the day.Oh and did I mention he allowed me drive again.He must really trust me with his life oh somethin cause I was spendin down the highway at 140mph.Definately fuckin thrillin! I had a great time and he got me the cutest stuffed tiger ever.I totally love it! His name is fluffy btw:P The orginal plan that day was to go to KLIA and watch planes but then we got diverted. I've alwayz wanted to check out the circuit anywayz so yeah it was cool.Thankz darlin! Muakz!

So Hotter 17.Slightly EmaL...I know but Yes I do feel older and I'm really gonna miss being sweet 16. It's alwayz been cool to say "yeah am sweet 16."Now its sorta like yeah yeah "Am Hotter 17"N then I get these odd stares..haha...So I think I've really learned in the last couple of yrs.I've had my fair share of fun,adventure,crazyness,wild dayz and drama.And this year seems to be leadin to a whole lot more of it.I'm excited for it all.I'm gonna embrace it n learn to get the best from it.Lately I've really been livin by this philosophy that "Everything happens for a reason" thing.It has been doin me good.

Kc and I were havin one of those "serious" convos that day.We realized that we've sorta passed through that "mid-teen" phase and thingz that seem oh so important then,didn't seem to big now.We realized that we've startin to grown up and responsibilities are kickin in. So many important decisions are yet to made.And these are not the minor ones,but decisions that could effect your entire life.College,courses to persue,principles,priorities and much more.I'm definately feelin the preassure.But I'm glad I have a great support system by my side.They really keep me goin.

Goin back to skool has been crazy and tirin.But I've offically quit procrastinating.*Extremely proud*

I'm gonna go wait for my phone to ring..

Loadz of Love

Here's To Broken Hearted

[Mood: Hurt]
[Music: The Funeral - Band of Horses]

Here's to all the girls who used to be his number one. The ones who waited all night for him to call, only to check the caller ID the next morning & be disappointed. The ones who made it through that bitter break up, dried your own tears, & moved on with your life, only to have him walk back in it months later like nothing ever happened. Those of you who cried on the first day you talked again because you knew exactly where this phone call was going. The ones who listened to him say, "I only want to be your friend", one day, and the next, listened to him say how much he loves & misses you. We deserve something, and this is our tribute. Here's to the ones that took him back, hoping that maybe this time, he was different, hoping that maybe people really do change. We listened to our friends tell us that we were stupid for even thinking about giving him another chance, caught crap from our parents, & even snuck around to see him for while. We went through the great stage with no fights all over again. We started this out thinking it would be just friends, & ended up falling in love with him again. We wanted nothing more in the world than to hear him tell us he loved us too, that even though things were bad in the past, they would be different this time. And when we finally heard it, it was like we were dreaming. This is for us. Here's to the ones who believed what he said, sat around all over again waiting for a phone call that might come in a few hours, or a few days. Here's for the tears cried and dried all over again. We wanted so desperately to believe that he was really busy, he couldn't possibly call us at that moment, or even that he fell asleep early. We trained ourselves to believe the lies because we wanted to believe we had found the one for us. We learned to settle for someone who didn't treat us the way we should be treated. Here's for the ones who did their hair and make up & put on their prettiest earrings, only to hear him say that he couldn't see us today. The ones who never believed it when people told us there might be someone else. We just couldn't believe that he could do this to us again. This is for those great girls who loved him more than words can say, & took him back no matter what happened last time because they couldn't bear to look back on their lives one day & wonder "what if". This is for the girls that stayed up all night long listening to him whine about an ex girlfriend who cheated on him, & cried during the entire conversation. The ones who hoped he would realize that he deserved better, that he deserved us. When he said that he loved you, but he was in love with her, he didn't mean it. This is for the ones that held on to something that was never there to begin with. This is for us girls, who somehow managed to get him to forget about her, & get him to tell us that he was in love with us again, only to have him tell us three weeks later that "things were going too fast, he needs time." Here's to the girls who couldn't cry to their friends because of how stupid they felt. The ones who held it all in when things came crumbling to pieces again. This is for the ones who couldn't bear to even tell their mom what was going on, for fear of an "I told you so." The ones that could just tell that they had made a mistake ever allowing him into their hearts & their dreams again. We knew that we deserved better the entire time, that we deserved a guy who would call when he said he was going to, one that would come see us whenever he got the chance, one that would really care about us. We just wanted the one that we loved like that. Here's for the ones that finally realized that he never gave a crap about them. Here's for the time that he broke your heart again. This is for those days spent trying to hold back the tears, & the tears that turned into anger, then disappointment. Here's for us girls who finally realized that we deserve better. This is for those confusing days, when you miss him & want nothing more than to hear his voice, or feel his arms around your waist. Stay strong and remember that relationships are like broken glass; sometimes it's better to leave it alone rather than try to put the pieces back together & get hurt. Remember the times you cried & how long it took you to even be able to look at another guy like that. When 'your song' comes on the radio, turn the station. When the day comes that he realizes what a mistake he made & tries calling, turn your phone off. When he tries coming to your house, don't answer the door. Think of the broken promises, and the lies, the manipulation & the tears, the wasted moments and staying up all night wondering where the crap he was. Think of how your heart used to jump when your phone would vibrate in the middle of the night & how it fell to your stomach when you saw it wasn't him, and realized that once again, he hadn't called when he said he was going to. One day you'll find a guy who's worth all the tears, but he won't make you cry. You may think that you'll never care about someone like you did that guy that you always ran back to, but you will. It's going to hurt like crap, & it's going to need time to heal, but the point is, it will heal. This is for those girls who fell back in love with their ex, only to get hurt all over again.

Livin A Day At A Time

[Mood: Worn Outz]
[Music: Bowling For Soup - When We Die]

So I've started skool and gettin back to the discipline is fuckin diffult.I've been sleepin a lot in class lately but teacher said he'd rather have us sleep then yack.Been crashin at 4 for the whole effin week and yes its the usual stuff.THE DRAMA!It's been goin on for the whole darn week but its sorta settled nowz or at least I hope it is.

Went out on Fri with Rachey and Vitz.Had a really good time with them.We had wafflez,looked for a birthday gift for bloop bloop and me.Yeah she wanted 2 get my hot underwear..hehe..and then we played pool and laughed a whole lot.Later Rachey's dad dropped us at the park .We had ice-cream and a serious heart to heart convo.It was cool.The event was fun.The bandz rocked and that hottie was there.OMG! Am so crushin on him.His really effin cute.I have a HUGE weakness for boyz tht write their own songs and play the guiter. The am-tryin-to-make-a-diff-in-the-world-guy.So hotttt.Headed to Asiacafe and had supper there.Chilled till bout 12:30 and then reahed home at 1.Relaxed with music and then the phone convo waz till bout 4.

Headed to my grandparents place in the mornin and it was the usual.Did a bit of shoppin at the mall and got super cute earings and a top.It was pretty much Retail therapy shoppin and I ate way too much as usual...Came home and was on the phone till bout 6 in the mornin.Yes it was record.A 5 hr phone convo!! Was dead that mornin and was super late.Came home slept,had lunch,was bout to sleep but he called and didnt wanna let me sleep but then I was sleepin on the phone and he had to go.So been pretty much chillin till now.

Skool's tomorrow.I better get some sleep!! Yes am still sleepy.*BAH*

"How did you get here?"
"We rode dolphins!"
-Friday'z Randomness-

Don't Wanna Trust

[Mood: Emo]
[Music: The Constantines - Soon Enough]

I'm slowly learning to be a dependant,
Cause deep within I know at the end of the day,
You're gonna be alone.
I'm still havin problems trusting,
Are those words true?
Or is it another phase your goin through?
I still have doubt,
A replacement of somethin you can't have.
Yeah those words still ring in my head,
It was really awkard that day,
I had so many other thoughts in my head,
But all of a sudden all this came back.
And I was chokin my tears,
I couldn't cry in public,
So I tried my best to push those thoughts away,
But it didn't really work,
Was it my intuition goin off the hook,
My heart tryin to send a message through,
I really don't want another heart break,
But I know what must be done,
Too much has been said and done,
The future seems bright,
But tryin to fit all this in doesn't seem to work,
I'm tired of being put down,
And gettin told that nothing I do is ever good enough,
Save me from this misery,
I'm tryin my best to be happy through it all,
But instead of makin me feel better,
You deprive me even more,
So much for wanting to see me smile,
You make me happy,
A repeated line,
From the heart,
But am not sure if its the same likewise,
Cause somehow am refusin to believe,
And I don't know why,
Maybe because am tired of being naive,
Maybe for once I wanna go with my intuition and
Not fall on my face,
Please,
NOT AGAIN.